Good day to you all…

I come with some very bad news, and we offering a reward to anyone that provides information that aids in the return or capture of the culprit.

On Sunday night, at approx 9pm, or between the airing of Towie and Dexter (so I’m told), someone broke into our newly refurbished Headquarters.

Don PoisonousJelly, is extremely upset and annoyed and has personally  put up the reward of $150,000,000 (pocket change he says) for the safe return of the items stolen.

Please see below list of missing items (I’ve been promised that everyone has been honest here in declaring what’s missing)

Slash – he has lost something very dear to his heart, his complete mint condition YMCA album collection, along with his celebration Cowboy and Fireman outfit to mark the 25^th Anniversary.

PUREGOLD – he has lost his “Collection”. I asked him what was involved in his collection and he replied, “you know, wink wink, The Collection” not sure what he means by this but he seemed pretty worried, muttering something about naked dwarfs and whipped cream ?

MissPiggy – She says she has lost her green frog, I replied you mean the muppet, she said no Slash is still here, but the frog isn’t. I felt a bit #awkward here and decided to leave it at that.

Poison – I asked what she had lost, and she replied “her sense of humour, and that she was going to introduce her friend, PAIN, to whoever took it”

PoisonousJelly – no means least, da Boss lost his very personal stash of Curly Wurlys, and says anyone caught eating his candy bars will suffer his wrath. They are his favourite form of chocolate and they taste out of this world, very nice, chewy, with a light covering of chocolate, erm, hmm, erm, so I’m told, not that I’ve ever had one. Make me feel sick after too many nowadays, yeah anyway moving on.

Look forward to the witness statements coming in, any for the last crime, please send this one only to me.

Thanks

Sweetums

Just to clairfy " the collection " I had nothing to do with the old footage of one of Midnight's and PJ's ancestors, it was given to me!

Coughs and moves along, watching people look at Sweetums in a strange way, wondering who on earth could do such a darstedly thing.

Bill swigs from his hipflask and lights up a cigarette.

Excuse me sir, It was I that robbed your headquaters! I thought it was time that your bin dipping, hubcap knicking, fort robbing leader got a taste of his own medicine! So here I am PoisonousScouseface. Come get your goodies.

Bill puts his hipflask back in his pocket and stubs out his cigarette before running away giggling.

Chase me! Chase me!

WhereWasI has a look of utter shock on his face.

Hold on... Someone else has been robbing Fort Izzel every night? How the hell have I not bumped into you yet...

WhereWasI sighs as he doesn't place to chase the man, but instead simply walks in the Fort Izzel front door holding three hubcaps and screaming

Important city business! Move Cretins!

WhereWasI is then seen running out the door with his arms filled Fort Izzel tax money without the hubcaps and no one from Fort Izzel even seemed to care.

Hmmm... Hang on a minute Mr Sweetums!

It's all adding up now.

Anyone else noticed that Sweetums has put on a few pounds in the last week?

Come to think of it, he constantly has that whole chocolate beard thing going on these days. Consistient with the overconsumption of ill-gotten Curly Wurly's?

Nice try buster. The game is up!

Bobthebuilder, its not true, i try to keep anyone cury or wurly from my lips.

I willing to bet if Slash looked in his hair, he would find more than his missing YMCA collection

Ter emerges from the shadows scratching his brow and looking puzzled...

Hmmm, Firstly I must say, I absolutely love these sort of things... But this has completely Bamboozled me...

Ter heads off to follow some of his leads and contact his mole within the FBN to see if he has heard anything!

it's all sweetums! this is just an elaborate rouse to get everyone to think its not him, but he knows so much! he must be doing it so that he can claim the reward by eventually just handing it all in!

Hey now... Hey!!!

If I had 150,000,000 to give a way you can bet your life that I wouldn't be here in Las Vegas squandering it on Casino's and hookers. I would buy my own island and fill it with midgets and monkeys.

What I did say I would reward was 15 HUBCAPS. Now that is small change. Just ask MidnightQueen... she knows where my secret stash is.

its not true, I've never stollen a thing from anyone that didnt have it coming to him.

I'm thinking its the Faceman, he already makes us call him Mr Goodlooking Faceman in the HQ, he's on a mission to take over the HQ and have mirrors everywhere.

15 hubcaps sounds like a worthy prize indeed. I might put forth some real effort into finding these lost items.

Dont waste your time on these apparent items i've lost. I've never heard of them.. honest guv.

my statement remains the same sweetums, i'm watching you...

word is Sweetums didn't get his virginity stolen the \o/

he couldn't give that away PG :P

I would just like to clarify this for everyone.

This is not a competition, treasure hunt or rat race of any kind. It is light hearted humour.

Sorry... but I don't have $150,000,000! and like I said, if I did... I would buy myself an island and fill it full of midgets and monkeys.

You'd think about buying that island, and by the time you realized you'd been robbed I'd have bought the whole Vegas Strip