It has come to my attention that sometime during the night, multiple hits were placed on my life. At approximately 01:17 this morning, Luigi_Jacobs informed me, “Word on the street is that someone wants you dead with the quickness.” This message was then repeated at 01:50 and again at 01:51, presumably to ensure that I fully appreciated the seriousness of the situation. Following further inquiries, I have learned that three separate contracts were apparently issued against my person. The first carried a reward of $1, the second $2 and the final contract, in what appears to have been a considerable escalation, was valued at $6.

That brings the total bounty on my head to $9. Nine dollars. I have spent considerable time reflecting upon this figure. Apparently, after years of building a reputation, conducting business and generally making myself a nuisance to the right people, my life has finally been given a monetary value.

Naturally, I am asking everyone to remain vigilant. Keep your eyes open for unfamiliar faces, suspicious characters, or anyone suddenly taking an unusual interest in my whereabouts. If you hear whispers in the street regarding my untimely demise, I would appreciate someone shooting SaulGoodman for the unrelated and deeply suspicious crime of being a ginger.

There has also been some interesting information regarding a certain individual within my immediate circle who may have been rather well informed about these developments. I will not name names, of course, a man should never make an accusation without evidence. I will simply say that my left hand appears to have been remarkably calm throughout this entire affair. Michael, if you're reading this, I have complete faith in your innocence. I will, however, be keeping a very close eye on you and if I so much as stub my toe tomorrow, I'm sending the boys round to ask some very serious questions. 

The investigation remains ongoing, and I urge everyone to exercise appropriate caution. Whoever is behind these contracts has demonstrated both considerable determination and access to a staggering amount of funding. Please stay alert, keep your wits about you and remember, someone who looks nervous may be hiding something, someone who looks calm may be hiding something and someone who looks completely innocent is probably Michael.

Michael clears his throat.

Ahem. It seems that I, too, have been a victim of this vile misdoing.

The entire crowd of 250+ people gasped.

Matty's reassuring words of my innocence were pleasant, but they were nothing short of malarkey. His daily abuse and massive 100% tax, that apparently is only set for me, is his true tyrant nature. A ladies man to many, but a Viking at heart. All of these things are true. Yes. However, Matty would never hitlist anyone. Especially not me, he'd just wack me. Trust hes tried as you can see.

This means there is only one culprit left. Ruby26. Now I am unaware of what would cause these events, but I am expected to be compensated with feet pics.

Archy stepped forward, having followed the investigation with about as much concern as a nine-dollar assassination budget deserved.

Dangerous times indeed, Matty. Three separate contracts. Whoever wants you gone clearly started small and had to wait for approval from the finance department. The six-dollar contract is still worrying though, that kind of reckless spending could destabilize the entire economy. At this rate, whoever’s behind it may have to skip their morning coffee for a few days.”

He glanced over at Michael.

As for Michael, I’m sure he’s innocent. Three separate contracts require a level of organisation that clears him immediately.

He straightened his coat as he looked around.

Either way, everyone should stay alert. Watch out for suspicious strangers, unusually calm associates, and anyone who’s recently come into a large amount of loose change. If another contract appears, don’t panic. Wait until the bounty reaches at least ten dollars. Only then we can know for sure they’re serious.

That sounds very brutal SaulGoodman, I am not quite sure that's a picture anyone would want to imagine. But anyway, Matty should definitely be worth a lot more than that.

SaulGoodman, your bank balance is as desperate and depressing as your sex life.

Obsidian walks up to the podium. He further addresses Marty’s legitimate concerns. Albeit, regardless if they are cheap or persistent.

"I wouldn’t worry too much about it, especially considering your reputation and disposition as you described. People are messing with you so shouldn’t heed any mind to these cheap hitlister(s). Only empowering their message by reflecting and inquiring further. Your reputation will keep you alive for the most part. You’re an asset to the game as long as you remain the type of player you are to other people now. Push ahead and disregard these folk."

SUPPLEMENTAL: Matty*

Asset to this thing of ours* My bad should’ve been all in character.

Archy