Levon saw bullets flying in his direction and gracefully dodged them before stepping on top of a soap box, sipping out of his flask, and beginning to speak... 

A long, long time ago, mafia basketball thrived across our six cities. Teams all across the country would gather to discuss mafia business, then follow it up with a quick scrimmage. It was fucking glorious and it was the renaissance of this centuries-old society of ours.

All that came crashing down one day when a pencil-necked dweeb named Illuminatiated pedaled his bicycle up to Detroit from Chicago and murdered the best mafia athletes in the game, catching most of them in the locker room sans garments. It was a dark day for mafia basketball, but the rest of the country was rightfully horrified by what they witnessed. They planned to hold Illuminatiated accountable for this atrocity. Shortly thereafter, Illuminatiated was murdered.

I hear you asking yourself, "what does that have to do with anything that is going on right now?".

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. However, in the interest of not letting history repeat itself, I have taken it upon myself to be the leader of future Telkin murderers. Those under me will learn the Art of Kung Fu. Mafia basketball, however glorious, turned out to be ineffective in the defense of a city. This time it will be different.