AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

MichaeI was stunned by the burst of sudden noise. Women of all shapes, sizes, and colors flocked towards the man. Nothing but lust in their eyes as they left their husbands standing on the side like a pillar of salt. The men naturally followed.

Simmer down ladies. It is quite obvious that your desire of me comes from the fact that you think I am MichaeI. Unfortunately, I am here to inform you that I am neither Michael nor NotMichael, I am MichaeI. I know you're wondering what is the difference. Well, if your eyes weren't as crusty and dry as Jazz, you'd realize my name was MICHAEI not MICHAEL. 

Don't get me wrong. Michael was handsome, witty, generous, and rumor has it.... he was well endowed. 

Women in the crowd started whispering to each other. Some smiled, some blushed, some even held their stomachs. Surely Michael had touched some of these women's heart, and it wasn't with kind words or hands.

Simmer down, ladies, simmer down! Although I may not have as much salami as Michael, but as MichaeI, I am here to tell you I will attempt to fill a great man's shoes. The many, many, many interviews will continue. The organized crimes will be even juicier. The coffee shops will be bursting with great conversation. With such a big supply of Michael missing, someone had to step up. For any women looking for their fix please give me a shout. Although my micro-peen is the same identical 1inches as Archy & @Shaggs when hard (Yhwh Rest Their Souls), I will try my best to satisfy your needs nonetheless. Be not afraid!

With the conclusion of said speech, the women carry MichaeI off down the street as they leave their husbands standing there speechless.

I can only hope this 'war' is still on going so you get murdered shortly after turning Gangster 

(As is probably about to happen to me)

The Mikester motioned for the ladies to put him down. Some nerd with two strands of hair on his chin had something to say.

War? What war? Are you talking about the silly attempt by simpleton plebians such as Striphe & Spikey to take down the beautiful man who looks like Aquaman? Have you not seen the corpse of xLasyFighterx being paraded around towns we can not visit? Hopefully Soseki and that hideous cat are packing their bags.

Whether the war was going to continue or not, what was stopping anyone from killing me as soon as I turned gangsta? The women will visit my funeral and collect my manparts for their own selfish use as if I was Osiris. The only difference between men like you and I, is that I welcome death.