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| The Mafia Weekly: Re-Resurrection Edition | Started by: Taskmaster on Aug 13, '08 14:27 |
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Note from the editor: Since I've purchased the Weekly, the only luck I've had is bad luck. One car stranded me, other had a flat tire in my drive. Lighting downed my power lines, a flood washed away my giant boat and the pairs of animals I had stored in case of a flood, the raisins in my cereal turned out to be giant rat droppings. Believing that I didn't have giant rats led me to suspect my dog, which I killed. Then I realized that I did, indeed have giant rats, which were now free to roam my house, as the dog, which might have given them trouble, was dead. I'd say that the ghost of Mr_47 was haunting me, but my understanding is that bastard didn't have a soul. So what the hell? Trying to break myself free of whatever curse has befallen me, I threw salt over my shoulder, directly into the eyes of an angry bull, which had evidently not been aboard the boat. As I lay here, hospitalized, in Detroit, I long for the clean, sanitary hospitals of Mexico. Fear not, we shall not give up. The Mafia Weekly, lives, albeit in short, random intervals, none of them weekly. PAN-AM BEGINS SERVICE TO DETROIT Detroit? What's next, Jersey? In a risky business move, Pan-Am Airlines has begun service to Detroit. Yes, Detroit, where the underbelly is the only belly, where "swarmy hoodlums" is like saying the same word twice. Detroit, where the mayor serves as many terms as he can before he dies of Syphillis. Detroit, where the men are men, the women are men, and the livestock never sleeps. Detroit International Airport is situated between scenic Smokestack Hill and pictuesque Cesspool Fountains. Flight accomodations include "cargo bay" or "firsted class," where you're given a seat next to some sort of livestock, billed as an in-flight petting zoo. Said a spokesman for Pan-Am, "Shuddup your mouf!" PICKPOCKETS CONTINUE TO PLAGUE CITIES! Cops paralyzed, guns stolen by pickpockets Pickpockets have been running rampant throughout the cities. Most likely, these dastardly criminals have come from Detroit, since the airlines have now begun service to and from the dark city. Police have no informations, as their evidence was stolen from their pockets. Our advice? Put your cash somewhere safe, where they won't look. Not an orifice. That's disturbing. We were thinking maybe your sock. No one pickpockets your socks, right? MAFIA WEEKLY RUNS OUT OF STORIES! Could it be? Say it ain't so! It's not. We print all the news that's unfit to print, we're just doing less of it right now. Our printing press was sprayed by an angry skunk, so our print is limited. Also, the paper reeks. Letters to the Editor: Dear Taskmaster: What the hell? Where's my damn paper? Sincerely, Gimme my damn paper, bitch Dear Bitch, Do you hear the phone ringing? What's that? It's for you, it's God. He says "Shut the hell up." Dear Taskmaster: kan i git an invit from iris? tnx, me. Yes, she'll be glad to have you. Believe me, she loves it when people her ask her those first magic words. |
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While taking her daily stroll through the streets Frankiee is offered a piece of paper. Just one, nothing on the back, quick read. She didn't read it, a quick skim could show her what this was all about. I'm with Gimme my damn paper, bitch here. Really where's the paper? Frankiee sighs and continues on her way. |
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| Reply by: Frankiee at Aug 13, '08 14:35 | |
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| I often wonder how someone actually published this crap once a week. Maybe if I wasn't so busy napping. Maybe one day I'll get the presses descented. In the meantime, I should get some rest. This skull mask keeps me awake at night. | |
| Reply by: Taskmaster at Aug 13, '08 20:22 | |
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It sounds like you are the only Taskmaster of naps, sir. Your name is in noway apropos as I can't remember the last time you printed everything. I see you have your spin team working overtime behind you. You shouldn't of fired Troy_McClure. At least his excuses would of entertained with ridiculousness. The truth is, I'm glad you are back and would give you a big hug if you weren't being circled by large rats right now. |
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| Reply by: Catastrophe at Aug 13, '08 21:04 | |
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