Michael strutted down the streets in his custom made Bolton Wanderers suit. It was white with blue shoulders and had a beautiful emblem engraved on his chest. It looked lovely. He was sure everybody would admire it. He nodded at several people he saw but couldn't name them because they weren't a professional footballer like he was. Bolton suits were the best in town he thought.

"Hello everyone,

I'd like to tell you a story about my big brother Landon Ricketts. He's some how managed to con himself into a highly respectedd position within Godfather Marston's family. He has served loyally and proudly and I am proud of him, as he is proud of me for my one England cap. It was hard fought and my career definitely didn't nosedive straight after it. I still have my suit, I'm wearing it now infact.. anyway... Landon is a man who has mucho power,

POWER TO KILL YOU ALL. Ahem. I got excited. Landon is a bad man you cannot trust him! He's going to kill everyone! I've seen the future, Ricketts is going to rogue oh my!

That is all,

Sincerely,

The Good Ricketts"

Michael almost faints in faer but manages to maintain his footing with fancy foot work

Man, that is a sexy ass suit. But man, your story doesn't seem to fly.

Ricketts is a cool cat, and we all know that. Ain't no one else seems to be saying any different. 

So check yourself, and get yourself off to the dancing halls with your smooth ass look. Find a nice lady, and jazz it up. 

Poor poor Michael, it must be so painful for you living in the shadow of your far more impressive (and better looking) older brother. It is unfortunate that your jealousy has reached such heights that you must attempt to thwart, and bring his exemplary conduct into disrepute.

Unfortunately for you, when you go to bed tonight wearing your one (undeserved) England cap, and are crying yourself to sleep... We will all sleep soundly in our beds with no fear of Landon going loco.

Is this that Michael_Ricketts?

The phrase barndoor with a Bazooka springs to mind. How can his shot be sooo poor if he is the brother of the great Landon_Ricketts?