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| Interview with the Boss: Iris | Started by: Taskmaster on Aug 27, '08 12:11 |
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So, the other day, I'm sitting around, taking a nap, and Iris walks in the room and slaps me in the back of the head, waking me. "Get up, lazyass," she said. I grumbled and closed my eyes again, thinking that this was one of those Canadian jokes that I didn't quite understand. "Get up," she repeated. This time, however, her order was accompanied by an ice cold beer being poured over my head. So, I got up. "You're coming to the golf course with me," she said. "Go change clothes and wear something appropriate." Unfortunately, all my outfits are pretty much the same. So, I changed into something dry and met Iris outside. "C'mon, jackass, we're late," she said. Minutes later, I was carrying her clubs on the first tee. "I didn't even know that they let women play golf," I said. Let me give you some advice. Never say something like that to a woman holding a driver. It was four or five minutes before I could stand to carry her clubs and I'm still not sure that I'll ever be able to have kids. When we got to the second hole, we ended up behind some old man with a walker, so there was a bit of a wait before Iris could tee off. I spent the time asking her questions. Here is our conversation. TM (That's me, Taskmaster. TM. Get it?): So, why golf? I mean, isn't golf for lesb.. (At this point she raised her club in my general direction and I stopped.) Iris: It relaxes me. Hurry it up, you old bastard! Some of us have things to do! Just die already, why don't you? (The old man gives her the finger and continues to line up his shot.) TM: Don't Canadians usually play hockey? Iris: We're good at hitting things with sticks. (I wince and cover my crotch instintively.) TM: So, how do you think the crew is doing, overall? Iris: For the most part, they're great. There is the occasional asshat. But, even they're ok. Turns out, they make good caddies. TM: Any plans for a big war in the near future? Iris: Yeah, we're going to declare war on people who ask stupid questions. Our first target is you. Why would I tell you if we were planning something? TM: How do you feel about the state of the Mafia in general? Iris: Actually, as it turns out, the Mafia exists in several different states. And we're doing quite well, thank you. It's a time of peace and prosperity. Peace, as it turns out, is good for business. TM: Do you expect to become the Godfather sometime soon? Iris: Why, are you pregnant? You should really learn to use birth control. If I were Godfather, I'd have stupid people sterilized. TM: The Godfather of the Mafia, right? Iris: What else would I be talking about? There are a lot of Dons running around and yes, I would love to be the first of them to be called "Godfather". Simultaneously, it's just a title. I'm a Don, I run a very large, very profitable family, and things are good. TM: Honestly, what's your opinion of the "48 hour" rule? Iris: It's hard to recruit new blood when they're lying dead on the street before we can invite them. I'm all for it. The infield fly rule, however, I still don't understand. TM: Are you in the market for a significant other? Iris: I've told you, I'm not looking for a serious committment. Stop asking. TM: What do you think of Philidelphia? Iris: It's always sunny in Philidelphia. TM: Are you thinking of setting up another leader, or captain soon? Iris: Only if the right person for the job comes along. As the world's oldest Wiseguy, you're ineligible. Oh look, we're up. Hey, I'm out of tees. Could you just hold the ball in your mouth and lie on the ground so I can tee off? The rest of the game went rather quickly. She didn't have to tee off of my face, as I shot the old man and stole his golf tees. Iris' score, or at least the score she told me to write down, was three under par. In the meantime, she's taken up skeet shooting, and I'm avoiding her like the plague. |
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She glares at Taskmaster. That was my score! How dare you doubt me. After I am done with skeet shooting I'm going to take up sewing! I will of course need a pin cushion. I know you are up to the task. She smiles and totters off to the nearest general store for supplies. |
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| Reply by: Iris at Aug 27, '08 12:14 | |
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Wow old Iris is more violent than I remember. Leo shivers from remembering the beatings... |
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| Reply by: -Leo- at Aug 27, '08 12:17 | |
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the real TM steps onto the streets he walks over to Taskmaster, he gently taps him on the shoulder Excuse me you must have a case of mistaken identity i'm TM Thank you TM nods at his BG's and continues walking down the street |
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| Reply by: TM_Scarface at Aug 27, '08 14:24 | |
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"I hope for your sake that you were only joking when you were claiming the rights to have the initials TM scarface. If so, the initials 'TM' are not exclusively reserved for you. If someone, like TaskMaster has TM as their initials then who are you to tell him that its a case of mistaken identity and that you are TM? If you were being sarcastic then it was incredibly funny and.....har de har." Bunsen walks off considering change his name to Tie Muchly |
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| Reply by: DrBunsenHoneydew at Aug 27, '08 14:34 | |
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| "well it is a Trade Mark after all DrBunsenHoneydew, and yes it was quite funny ha-ha" | |
| Reply by: TM_Scarface at Aug 27, '08 14:45 | |
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Lord, this has come down to a "THOSE ARE MY LETTERS" thing? She sighs heavily and sips from her flask. Are we forgetting the point of this interview? It's not about you Mr. Scarface and last I checked you had not trademarked the letters TM. It's an abbreviation.. Nothing more than that. If you cling to your letters so tightly maybe you should do this. She shakes her head and goes back to her flask. If this keeps up I'm going to take Alessia's drunk title from her. I would so hate to do that. |
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| Reply by: Iris at Aug 27, '08 21:37 | |
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Drunk Iris? It just doesn't have the same ring to it. Nice interview, it made me giggle a bit. Just like Marietta made me giggle when she put on two different shoes and walked out of her office to reprimand a thug. That's clearly beside the point though. |
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| Reply by: Lily at Aug 29, '08 04:27 | |
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