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| johnny boy : part I | Started by: gameownage on Sep 06, '08 01:25 |
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NOTE: before i get anything about not using italicised words,ive already got it,i think that * * are faster and eaiser (im also not the best spellor hehe) PART I , CHAPTER I our story begins with a young boy gown up in a not so average home in an old fasion american home.not many people knew that johnny's father was infact the god father.johnny,for one,did not know this and was usually in a sad mood because his mother had been murdered many years ago,yet no one really knew why (hint,hint),and his father was always away on "business". then one day johnny had gotten a note from his uncle(the consig of the crew his father had run).it said that his father had been killed in an attack on his "business" trip by a rival crew.now obviously johnny was very confused because he was not yet in the mafia business,but even though he did not know it,this was only the beginning. PART I , CHAPTER II *5 years later,johnny is aproxametly 18* as johnny had finished his last day of high school,he went back home to his foster family.the day was going like a usual day where he was living.doing his chores like normal every week,johnny saw someone walk up to the door and talk to his foster father. (now,up to this time,johnny knew only about his fathers mafia dealings,but tried as hard as he could to forget them and stay used to this new life.but everyone around him knew his fathers deeds). as johnny finished his chores about 20 minutes later,he went into the house and saw the man he had seen the day he found out about his fathers death,the familys consig."johnny,please go out and get some milk for me" said his foster father. as johnny was comeing back he saw the man leave the house and go to his old fashion buggy (i think thats what they had back then).without thinking he ran up to the man and looked into his eyes,thinking about what he would say."are you the man i saw a few years ago?" johnny asked."yes johnny,i am your fathers "business consultant" i must be on my way" he said to a cunfussed johnny."wait! dont play dumb with me,why did you come here.its not like i dont remember how my father died." johnny said with a flushed face,he thought "did i just talk back to a powerful man? *gulp* "."...alright johnny,i guess your old enough to know about your fathers affairs with me and the others." he said to johnny. "wait,what do you mean others?" they both saw johnny's foster parents looking out the window at them."look johnny,just come to this location tommorow at 8:00 pm sharp." he said as he climbed into his car and drove off. "wait!" johnny yelled out.as he looked at the card he read outloud "sharpening paper co.,the old abandoned factory". alright everyone,thats my first part of my story.please leave comments and be as honest as possable.i made this right off my head but if i get enough possative feedback ill actually work on the next part,thank you -gameownage |
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| sorry,forgot to add this,im thinking of atleast 3 parts to the story,comment honestly,tnxs! | |
| Reply by: gameownage at Sep 06, '08 01:26 | |
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I enjoy seeing fresh, new stories on the street like this one, but I think it needs to be polished a bit more. (OOC: Spelling, grammar, certain details that were prevalent in the 1930's.) All in all though, I enjoy seeing effort being put out in the streets. I think you have the potential to be a fantastic story teller once you hone your skills a bit more. |
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| Reply by: Syriana at Sep 06, '08 06:13 | |
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| ty,this is actually my first ever story so it has alot of kinks ide like to work out but it does not seem like many others like it :/ | |
| Reply by: gameownage at Sep 06, '08 13:48 | |
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Nice story I liked it, and good to see a new face active in our streets. Walks back into the crowd |
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| Reply by: Marcus at Sep 06, '08 16:05 | |
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Nice beginning like everyone else I am glad to see someone new to the streets. |
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| Reply by: pizza_man at Sep 06, '08 18:27 | |
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| it was good i like how you started it | |
| Reply by: Hawiian_Punch at Sep 07, '08 06:59 | |
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| tnxs everyone,im making part 2 now but it may take a while for me to finish | |
| Reply by: gameownage at Sep 07, '08 14:24 | |
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