Once upon a time there was a Earner by the name of Tubby.

There was only one thing special about Tubby and that was the size of his enormous stomach. In every other way he was a run of the mill nobody, looking to make a name for himself. He was a diligent associate, communicating relentlessly with his sponsor, as well as regularly transporting his monstrous bulk to various cities making cash for his bosses back in Philly.

One morning, taking a break from his regular conversation with his sponsor, Tubby and his magnificent belly discovered that their friend JenniferGovernment had been slain. Tubby promptly took himself off to her funeral as, like every grieving friend, he wanted to pay his final respects to his fallen cohort.

Tubby listened as the other members of the congregation spoke and he, knowing Jennifer extremely well, stepped forward having carefully thought about his eulogy. He wanted to say words that he knew would mean something to her. He took a deep breath and thought back about how he first met Jennifer.

It was 1921 and the circus was in town. Jennifer was a sucker for the circus and she had attended in good faith. She was enjoying the stalls and the bearded women but she had been lured in to the hall of mirrors. She went in and smiled at her distorted appearance. But, danger arrived and she saw the reflection of a clown behind her. He began to advance on her menancingly.

"Now we've got you!!!" Yelled the grinning jester. Jennifer backed into one of the mirrors and tripped over. The clown loomed over her and pinned her down. She began to wail. He chuckled to himself, this vicious juggler.

Just when he was about to do his worst, Tubby arrived.

He pounded his tremendous gut across the tent and slammed into the back of the clown. The clown yelped, his back broken cleanly from the weight of Tubby's stomach crashing into him. He trembled on the floor. He could barely speak. He managed to croak out just one initialism.

"rofl" he croaked, before dying.

Tubby walked across to Jennifer and let her pull herself up by his flab rolls. She composed herself and said something to Tubby that would define their friendship forever.

"Tubby, I think that is your name?" Tubby nodded. "I won't ever forget this and how you saved me from that fucking clown bastard. If I die, I want you to eulogise me with his final words. I want you to say 'rofl RIP'. Do you understand?"

It seemed a strange request to Tubby, but he agreed. He knew how damaging psychologically an attack from a implicitly threatening clown could be in a hall of mirrors. He hoped he would never have to follow Jennifer's final request, be he had. He had.

Tubby came back to the present. He knew he had to honour Jennifer's request like a good friend, so he spoke the words "rofl RIP". He left, destroyed and devastated by the loss of such an upstanding individual with a barcode on her eye. It seemed a tremendous loss, but Tubby was fat enough to know that you just had to get on with things, so he went home.

Unfortunately for Tubby, as he spent 15 minutes trying to get up out of his chair, an assassin arrived in his apartment. The assassin informed him that Neon had ordered his death for "funeral disrespect". Tubby broke down in tears and pissed himself in fear. He knew then what he had always suspected.

There are some very uncool people in this world.

With a heavy heart, Oranges thinks back to her childhood, as she watches the dead body of Tubby be removed by 10 or so heavily musceled men.  When they finished, she swallowed hard in an attempt to hold back the tears of gratitude.  Speaking to anyone nearby who might be listening she spoke. 

"As a small child, every night my mother would tuck me in to sleep, and would relay to me this story of the man who saved her life.  She told me that if Tubby's enormous belly had not squashed that horrible clown, that I may never have been born.  It was quite the tale of heroism and friendship!  Although I find Neon to be incredibly cool indeed, I do only wish I could thank the man who saved my mother's life for honoring her last request."

She looked around awkwardly, and scampered off even more awkwardly. 

'rofl rip' May they forever become as infamous as 'lol not me matey'

Well EvenTubbier, may got rest your soul... seems to me like your father has been framed. Everyone knows it is never a good idea to disrespect funerals, no matter what circumstances are. I surely hope your next of kin has learned well from this. Tubby was a good man, it is a shame to see him killed that way! RIP tubby!

BA da na da nAH!

Tubby was sitting in the coffee shop minding his own affairs

Ba da na da nAH!

When this button man caught him unawares

Ba da na da nAH!

He said "You ROFL'ed a funeral?"

Tubby said "Ah, yeah I guess so."

Ba da na da nAH!

"Then go ahead and pee cause you're the man i been lookin for."

"Wait a minute man, I been FRAMED! No No really man. I been framed! AWWW ,I never do nothing wrong man, but everytime I get the blame. I BEEN FRAMED!"

Being fair to Neon, if I saw someone had said that at my family's funeral, they would be dead too.

However, a bit of communication over both sides of this line wouldn't have gone amiss. A note from Tubby explaining the situation could have stopped any aftermath of this. Lesson learned, I guess. It's just a shame it had to happen this way.

Insert sympathetic comment here.

"Rolling on the floor laughing at a funeral isn't something I would do whether I knew the person or not."

Luger heads on to the cemetery to show the two respect.

Its ok Luger, this isn't about what you would do, this was about Tubby.

Poor tubby, it 's just a shame it had to happen this way .  You're exceptionally true honest mayte

[b] Insert sympathetic comment here [b]

John Stamos. He isnt cool anymore

So at first I was going say that indeed there were uncool people, that I found incredibly uncool that somebody would disrespect a funeral by just rolling on the floor laughing.

Then I was going to go on to say that is was even more uncool for his nephew to come here and invent such an incredible work of fiction about a clown and a final request.

Then the daughter of the deceased came and corroborated the story?

Unless we have yet a third uncool person adding up to the cover up of a mistake that many times have costed the life of people int he past.

Nahhh... it couldn't be. I'm sure it was all just one big bellied misunderstanding... May they all rest in peace.