| Sep 21 - 23:07:45 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 |
| Tonights Top Ten List | Started by: David_Letterman on Oct 10, '07 23:59 |
|
Good evening everyone, I'd like to thank all of you for joining me here on this crowded street corner. Every evening I'll stand here and give you tonight's top ten list. Tonight's category is: Top Ten Hilarious April Fool's Day Pranks In The Mafia 10. Tell a guy you're going to shoot him, then kill him with a brick. 9. Tape sign to informant's back that reads: "Wack me." 8. The old "non-drying cement shoes" gag. 7. Put body in big paper bag, place it on somebody's doorstep, light it on fire, ring doorbell, run away. 6. Phone local teamsters office, say, "This is Jimmy Hoffa--any messages for me?" 5. Call up Domino's; order a pizza for Mr. Foghead A. Boutit. 4. The old severed finger in the hot dog bun trick. 3. Replace someone's "Godfather" tape with a Teletubbys video. 2. Instead of horse's head, rig it so somebody wakes up next to Rosie O'Donnell. 1. Three words: squirting pinkie rings. That's the list for tonight folks, see you again tomorrow around this time. |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Spits out the beer he had in his mouth Great Top Ten Mr. Letterman. Great. |
|
| Reply by: Tarantula at Oct 11, '07 00:21 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| For being the first to respond I award you not with money, but with this nicely packaged canned ham. | |
| Reply by: David_Letterman at Oct 11, '07 00:28 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Sorry I can't have ham. Got any birds? | |
| Reply by: Tarantula at Oct 11, '07 00:41 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
*Calls out to Biff Henderson* Biff, we have anything else? *Biff shakes his head no* Well I'm sorry about that sir; apparently all we have are canned hams, but I'll tell you what they also work as great paper weights. |
|
| Reply by: David_Letterman at Oct 11, '07 00:46 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Ham? Now that's my kind of prize | |
| Reply by: Agent_Scully at Oct 11, '07 08:14 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
6. Phone local teamsters office, say, "This is Jimmy Hoffa—any messages for me?" hahaha, I enjoyed that one! |
|
| Reply by: Belle at Oct 11, '07 08:41 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Good stuff, I enjoyed this... but holy crap what is that Mr_yayo points and nothing and Grabs the Ham and makes a run for it... |
|
| Reply by: Mr_Yayo at Oct 11, '07 17:01 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Thanks again, for joining me this evening. I've been told by my producer that tonight we have an extra special gift for everyone in our audience. *looks and listens at his producer* Oh, I apologize, apparently Oprah has the special gift, what do we have tonight? *stares back over* Apparently everyone tonight gets a $3.00 gift certificate to Rupert G.'s Hello Deli. Anyway on to tonight's top ten list. Top Ten Signs a Mafia Boss is Nuts 10. Keeps ordering hits on "that bastard Al Capone" 9. Had a guy whacked because he thought he was working for Batman 8. To look more like Brando, loads his cheeks full of styrofoam peanuts 7. He's the reputed head of the "Gabor Crime Family" 6. Instead of "The Godfather," he prefers to be called "The Fairy Godmother" 5. At McDonald's, order Big Mac, fries and drink separately instead of taking advantage of extra value meal 4. Three words: edible pinky ring 3. After you cross him, you wake up the next morning with his head in your bed 2. He's constantly whacking himself, if you know what I mean 1. His business card reads "mafia boss" |
|
| Reply by: David_Letterman at Oct 11, '07 23:43 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
I'm here to claim the $3.00 gift certificate to Rupert G.'s Hello Deli. *Milk does the Milk Dance* |
|
| Reply by: Milk at Oct 12, '07 02:01 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Whereabouts is this so-called "Deli" located? | |
| Reply by: Nova at Oct 12, '07 16:08 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| If Wacking yourself made you a Don then I'd be Lucky Luciano. | |
| Reply by: Mercy at Oct 12, '07 16:36 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
I apologize for my long delay, but back by popular demand is tonight's top ten list. Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is in the Mafia 10. He seems to do really well for a guy who runs a candy store that's open one or two hours a day 9. His partner in the neighborhood 3-legged race: Vincent "The Chin" Gigante 8. For his son's birthday, buys him a U.S. senator 7. Your tomato plants keep getting singed by the cars exploding in his driveway 6. Tuesday: paper boy misses porch; Wednesday: paper boy gets "iced" 5. All his anecdotes end with, "So I blew his head off" 4. Two goons show up and make your wife reveal the family recipe for apple crisp 3. At their Halloween party, they bob for mob informants 2. After having an argument with his kid, your kid wakes up with the head of Tickle Me Elmo on his pillow 1. His lawn gnome is riddled with bulletholes |
|
| Reply by: David_Letterman at Oct 16, '07 23:41 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| that one was pretty good | |
| Reply by: Kermit_The_Frog at Oct 16, '07 23:42 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
