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From the entry of the church a black casket that holds the recently deceased can be seen. And though it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the dim light, you see a woman in a black veil place a white rose on the casket. You watch as she wipes a tear from her eye. She lights a candle in remembrance of the deceased and walks down the aisle wiping the tears that are now cascading down her cheeks. The only light inside the church is from the flickering candles on the altar. The candlelight casts an eerie glow across the hooded figure's face. He hangs his head as he starts to read... "Friends, we are gathered here today to pay our final respects to our friend, Clipper. May he rest in peace. Those wishing to pay their respects may do so at this time."
Suddenly, the church became illuminated by a burst of light that emanated from the ceiling. The hooded figure had lifted his veil to reveal that it was, in fact, the perennial figure who was running for President of the United States; God.
This young man died by sinking so much money into his healthcare that he went bankrupt and died penniless, destitute and Godless. Borrowed countless millions from what little friends he had left, he died as a burden to society that couldn't even pay back the ones who loved him. He died as a failure.
My comprehensive healthcare platform would have prevented that. My opponent running for reelection has said he would veto the bill if it came to his desk. So, I ask you, fellow Americans..
God took a step towards the casket and placed his hand on it, making sure he was visible to everyone in the church, as a reporter rumored to be working for the New York Times was said to be among the audience.
Is this young man better off today than where he was 6,000 years ago? |
