So, over the past few months, whenever I’ve been around WildTurkey, I’ve had my baster with me. I’d baste him, and he’d flap around. I kept him nice and moist up until this day. He’s a fine looking turkey, and I’m sure he has made many a mouth water.

Today is Thanksgiving. The day I have been waiting for. Can you smell him? He’s nice and crispy, but juicy inside. He’s a well cooked turkey.

The sad thing is… I don’t wanna kill the bastard… I just wanna taste him? Does that sound awkward? I think so, but I’m going to do it anyway! I’ll bite into his wing and run off. Yes! Yes! I will!

Bites WildTurkey.

Ahah! and behold! This man was not a turkey at all! It was all a lie, but he can’t blame me for the bite! I’ve been dressing this so-called turkey for months, and he knew what I had planned. The scar will heal, and he can go on being a turkey or at least a fake one, gobbling about and such. He’s a wild one too so I imagine he’ll run around through the woods.

I know he’s wary of hunters, and so that’s why I feel bad about taking that bite out of his flesh… However, he’ll manage! I could’ve taken a wing off and ran with it! In retrospect, I guess it was only an oddly shaped arm, and not a wing. However, if he is considered to be really a turkey, he’s the best tasting turkey in New York... but I guess I shouldn’t tempt you all do to the same as I have done or else there won’t be any of him left to lead his crew.

I will say this: All the work basting him was worth it… just for that single bite even though it ended up being cannibalistic... I know that the deceased Neon would’ve wanted at taste or ten or twenty, but since she’s not around… He’ll only be missing a little chunk.

Happy Thanksgiving, and long live WildTurkey, in his full, mostly uneaten form. I guess I’ll just have to get the rest of my dinner from another real bird. 

I'm sorry but... I totally heard that as "He'd fap around".

To be fair, that suits much more.

Hell I lied... I'm not sorry!


Happy Thanksgiving Americans and anyone else who celebrates it!