Disclaimer: The contents of the following post are entirely fictional and unrelated to everything.

It was early on a bright Sunday morning. The air was fresh; Mudkip and Lilac were not. They had spent the night sweating it out with some fiesty hookers, one with enormous teeth and the other with far more hair than was natural for a woman.
Nonetheless, a new day had dawned and with it the need for semi-drunken mischief. Mudkip and Lilac lay sprawled across a park bench, swigging from a bottle that was unidentifiable, particularly to them. Mudkip turned to Lilac, one eye trying to focus on her six heads and the other following a man walking seventy-five degrees East.

''Lillic. Hic. I'm hungry for corn. I know where we can find some corn. Would you like some corn? It's the corniest corn of all the corn...Ever.''

Lilac was preoccupied with a small Buddha perched on the end of her nose, but was conscious enough to realise Mudkip was addressing her. She placed her hand on his face.

''Ah. I can hear you much better now. Some corn would be mighty filling for a belly hole. I got a rumbly in my tumbly, too. Lessdoit. Lessgitsumcorn.''

Belching with the force of ten volcanic eruptions, Lilac rises gracefully (in her mind) from the park bench, dragging Mudkip by the finger.

''Tik meh to yoor corn, M'kip.''


What felt like several hours but was really only ten minutes later, the pair arrived at a large field. Lilac squinted, closing one eye then trying the other. Mudkip was attempting to light a cigarette with his shoe. After a few moments of silence, Lilac scratched Mudkip's arm and pointed.
''M'kip. Issobig. Too much corn for one man. And woman.'' Mudkip nodded while flapping his shoe around in frustration. As he continued to do battle with his footwear, Lilac flung a leg over the hedge that surrounded the field, waving at her cohort.
'''Mon Kip! Dinner time, son. Lesseatcorn.''As she tried to haul her other leg across the top of the hedge, gravity got the best of her and she tumbled into an unseemly heap of swearwords and greenery. Mudkip glanced up from his still unlit cigarette and wondered where she'd gone. He checked his shoe. Nope, not there. Finally, he heard a series of exclamations coming from beneath the hedge; his ears perked up. Talking foliage. Crouching to his knees, he waddled over to the hedge and stroked it, murmuring incomprehensible hedge language.


''Stop fondling the bloody hedge and get t'fuck in here, Mudkip!'' Lilac yelled, spotting the bright blue sleeve of her right hand man and giving it a good yank to make damn sure the rest of him followed.

As Mudkip attempted to fix himself up following a thorny hedge birth, Lilac cast her eyes across the field and grunted. Mudkip knew that this grunt meant only one thing. Food. Pulling themselves upright, they began to wade their way through the field, searching out a comfortable spot. The comfortable spot found them when Lilac's legs gave way beneath her and she went arse-first to the ground. She whipped out a bottle of poteen, waving it at Mudkip by way of explanation, and then grabbed an ear of corn from one of the stalks.

''Belly!'', she announced, sinking her teeth in. Mudkip copied. The only sound that emanated for the next half hour was a collection of snorts, giggles, Lilac's grunts and munching. Thankfully, the field was fairly isolated and as such misguided eavesdropping was unlikely.


Their stomachs satiated, Mudkip produced a pack of cigarettes and offered one to Lilac. She gratefully accepted and offered him the last dredges of her poteen bottle in return before shoving a hand down her blouse to find some matches.
''I alwaysh keep shum here for my Pregnant Smigarettes. Now I'm in the pubic eye, I can never be seen without one,'' she slurs, sparking one up and handing the matches to Mudkip.
He lit his own, nodding at first before a random and very misplaced adrenaline rush gripped his body in a seizure. His fully ignited cigarette fell the the ground and within moments, flames were licking the cornstalks and growing in ferocity by the second.

''Oh...'' Lilac whispered, glancing at her overcoat which lay several yards away with a cleverly concealed bottle of rum inside.

The flames crawled across the field like a preying cat, toyed with the lapels of her coat and finally, took hold of the liquor and sent the whole damn thing skyward.
Turning to her right, she saw that Mudkip was already climbing over the hedge with considerably more success than she had managed earlier. She flung off her shoes and ran like the hounds of hell to catch up, clutching her boobs as she went lest they give her a black eye. When she eventually reached him, Mudkip was bent double and unable to speak. His face was blackened by smoke and his eyes popped wildly from their sockets, shockingly white against his ashen skin.


She spun around to look at the field, which was by now completely dessimated, much like her stockings which were now plagued with holes and revealed the fact she hadn't shaved in a month. A wall of wire had completely engulfed the crop, all but the remains of the ear Lilac still held in her hand.

Mudkip straightened himself slowly, switching his stare between Lilac and the field.

''Lilac. This was Wackrobat's corn crop.''

Lilac paled visibly beneath the streaks of black that covered her face.

''Oh. Shit.''

EAforAA had been drinking all night with not much going on. Stumbling along through the forest, EAforAA see a bright burning light coming from what appears to be a corn field. Straggering toward the blaze, EAforAA sees a broken down tractor with a as can laying by it.

Now this shouldbefun, whats a little fire? We always like to have a bigfire!!

Lifting the gas can EAforAA makes way toward the fire and smiles evil. Looking around and seeing Mudkip and Lilac fleeing the scene EAforAA tosses the gas can into the burning field.As the fire ignites brighter and bigger then he thought it would EAforAA turns to run but stumbles into a tree.

Shit I think this was Wackrobat's field. He gonna be upset.

Mudkip sees another misfit among the field throwing fuel to the fire and while hes running , he also hits a tree

'IM DOWN , CALL FOR BACKUP ASSISTANCE'

Mudkips drunken demeanor catches no attention from the fleeing arsonists and he curls up into a ball and drinks the last bit of the alcohol he had

'Fuck it , if i'm going down.. so is this field!'

Mudkip grabs some gasoline cannisters and starts to spread the flames

Lilac stops mid-run when she hears some commotion coming from behind her. Immediately, she decides to run back again. When she reaches the scene, she begins to swing her blouse around her head and sings:

It's the eeeeeend of the woooooorld as we know it, it's the eeeeeeeend of the world as we know it, it's the eeeeeeeend of the world as we know it, and I feeeel fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

Rubbibg the knot that appeared on his head from the not so nice tree, EAforAA sees Mudkip had the same experience with a rogue tree nearby also.Standing up and swaying slightly, EAforAA takes a swing from his flask and calls out to the corn field.

The trees are revolting against us. They fear the fire. Burn the field before they kill us all.

Hearing some signing coming from a dancing shirt, EAforAA considers his options and tosses his lighter at the shirt thinking the singing shirt will help attack the trees.

Use that, they fear the fire just like the corn did!

Mudkip had not been sure what to do up to this point , he was marked a dead Mudkip within this field of fiery death inferno , but alas , a guardian angel threw a lighter at the tree behind him , signalling the defense of Mudkip

'Whoever you are.. I will honor your commitment towards by life by burning ever peice of corn in this field'

And with that being said , Mudkip grabs his make-shift flamethrower that he just conviently found on the ground next to an old barn

'DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE CORN AND TREEES , DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'

Caught in a fire-fuelled reverie, Lilac continues to spin around in circles waving her shirt like an ironic white flag. Suddenly, her super-psychic-senses tell her that a missile approaches; sure enough, a lighter appears to be sailing through the smoke-riddled air towards her. She catches it expertly, pirouettes on one toe and sends it flying back towards Mudkip, who happens to breaking wind at the exact moment the lighter passes his arse, causing a single blue flame to shoot from the seat of his trousers.

Joey was just on the outskirts of town selling some product's over at the "rednecks" of Chicago's drug farm. As Joey was preparing to finish up the deal a huge fire erupted over to the south. Now i know your wondering how on earth Chicago has farms but hey, we were far away from Chicago it seemed. So, naturally Joey finished the deal then hoped in his car to go and see the comotion near the fire.

As Joey arrived on scene he saw some fella throwing gas cans into the fire and yelling at tree's. Joey just ignored him and pulled up to what looked like Lilac dancing and singing and Mudkip using a flamethrower on the already burning corn. Joey just sat there in his car for a second too shocked and awed to even do anything. After a couple of minutes Joey hoped out his car and ran over to the arsonist duet. 

"Just what in the hell are you two doing!? You started a fire and now your dancing and singing at it?"

Joey just stood there looking in awe at the enlarging fire and waited for a reply. Although he doubted he would get a straight one seeing as these two were out of their wits.

Mudkip stabs the closest tree with his machete that magically appeared from no where and sees Joey approaching him

'HERE JOEY , TAKE THIS AND HELP US THWART THE CORN MENACE'

Mudkip hands Joey another homemade flamethrower that was conviently on the ground still

'Teach them the irish ways of destroying things! TEACH THEM JOEY!'

Mudkip then proceded to sit down and eat some corn that hadn't been destroyed yet

'I WILL KILL YOU UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD , CORN'

Lilac notices Joey as he emerges from his car and walks over to Mudip, admonishing him and waggling his 'You've been a naughty boy' finger. Shirt still flying at full mast, she dances over to him, Irish jig in full flow, and continues to dance as she speaks.

''Joey! Put your finger away - flamethrowers are much better. Or! Or...Just take off your shirt and have a dance. It's easy, look. You just have to fling your legs around really fast so it looks like they're moving in choreographed motion to the naked eye. I'll do the music! Aaaaaaaaaah...Deedlei adeedledum deedledum a deedleideedle dum biddly boo deedlei a deedle dum! LORD OF THE DANCE!''

Lilac jigs a circle around Joey, whipping him with her shirt.

''Dance for your supper, boy! Dance!''

Joey just stares at the flamethrower he was handed and messes with the straps a bit then Lilac comes over and starts saying stuff Joey can barely make out. Then all of a sudden she starts hitting him with her shirt making him drop the flamethrower on his foot. As it hit's his toe Joey hollers out at the pain and grabs his foot and rubs it. While Lilac is still dancing around him Joey picks up a flask and takes a swig. 

Many swigs later Joey is feeling a bit on the happiness side. As Mudkip is still wacking tree's with a machete and burning the fire, Lilac is still dancing around singing something that was either Irish or just her being drunk. Either way Joey decided to get up and pull off his shirt and dance around drunkly. Attempting to follow in tune to Lilac.

Lilac stops dancing and watches Joey curiously. She's unsure of exactly what he's doing, but it looks a lot as though he's having some sort of fit. It soon transpires that actually, he's just trying to take off his shirt. Her curiosity increases when she realises that he is wearing a baby pink leotard beneath it.

Joey...You're wearing a pink leotard. Are you a ballet dancer, or just a bit camp?

She continues her jig, every so often jumping into the famous Savage Badger move, followed by Sad Tree as a testimony to the tress dying a fiery death around her. Finally, she launches into the Soggy Muffin, finishing up with a shocking display of the splits.

Joey finishes taking off his shirt and listens to lilac. As he looks down to see that in fact there is no leotard. Just Lilac seeing things with her drunk self. As Lilac continues dancing and Mudkip continues whatever he is doing exactly. Joey picks up some bag pipes that just happened to be there and started playing a nice Irish tune. Even though he was not Irish but in fact full Italian the Irish melody came out as a soft but loud tune. 

As Joey continues to play the bag pipes, Lilac dances, and Mudkip burnes burning corn. Everyone watching this thread can only wonder what goes on inside the HQ of Dalle Ceneri.