mummy skips to the soapbox and takes out what seems to be a very small list.

Alright you motha fuckas let me entertain you for awhile, We the Velvet onion reunited are in need of new members and we want the following:       

1: That guy who spoke 3rd

2: Black horny dwarf

3: Fingabangers

4: Thai hypnotists

5: Musical Nymphos

6: Noob that snitches

7: Grassboy lookalikes

8: Stripers wearing horse heads and high heels

9: Squirrel with cooking capabilities

10: People who just want to be loved

11: The last person you Pm'ed

12: Mexican unicyclest

13: Young girl willing to overdose on Acetazolamide

14: Pipe cleaner (Very Important)

15: Asian with over styled hair

16: Pokemon translator

17: Someone who can do spinning piledrivers

18: Erotic writer

19: Anyone with a cape

20: Abusive drunks

21: Panda that's about to give birth

22: Old women 60+ that dress as schoolgirls and hold hands 

23: A driver that we abuse on occasion

24: Someone who only has great one liners to get them by

25: Anyone with a legendary name Looks over at Sexecutioner

26: Bald perverts

27: People to say cool story bro whenever they are told a cool story

28: Chick with a nice rack

29: Professional gamblers

30: A cup with a piece of cheese

Also money to buy a hq to fit them into :D

Grassboy lookalikes?? Can more there really be more unfortunate bastards in the world that look like him? I qualify for 3, 15, 19 and 29 by the way. Does that mean I'm in or do I have to donate like everyone else??

I hope this isn't one of those pyramid scams, I know what you Onion boys were like in the past. 'Donate your money to our worthy cause and you will get our protection! All money received will be returned tenfold within 3 weeks!' Yeah right, any money donated you spent it all on horse heads, rainbow drops, clarkey cat and yellow bentines. The wool will not be pulled over my eyes so easily again.

Incidentally, the last Bald Pervert left on this island threw in the towel and retired last night. And he took his Golden Bong with him...

I'll be #1

I'm sure... As Satan, I can be involved somehow.

What about mobsters? Any room for them in your crew?

1: That guy who spoke 3rd

2: Black horny dwarf

3: Fingabangers

4: Thai hypnotists

5: Musical Nymphos

6: Noob that snitches

7: Grassboy lookalikes

8: Stripers wearing horse heads and high heels

9: Squirrel with cooking capabilities

10: People who just want to be loved

11: The last person you Pm'ed

12: Mexican unicyclest

13: Young girl willing to overdose on Acetazolamide

14: Pipe cleaner (Very Important)

15: Asian with over styled hair

16: Pokemon translator

17: Someone who can do spinning piledrivers

18: Erotic writer

19: Anyone with a cape

20: Abusive drunks

21: Panda that's about to give birth

22: Old women 60+ that dress as schoolgirls and hold hands 

23: A driver that we abuse on occasion

24: Someone who only has great one liners to get them by

25: Anyone with a legendary name Looks over at Sexecutioner

26: Bald perverts

27: People to say cool story bro whenever they are told a cool story

28: Chick with a nice rack

29: Professional gamblers

30: A cup with a piece of cheese

I can do all of them bar numbers 7 and 28.

Number 14 is nailed on though, no worries. 

I can c over #s 27 and 28

Uranium you can make your way to the front of the queue. Uncle Jack, despite being a shoe-in due to your many talents, you may still have to pass the stringent initiation first...