CHICAGO UNION-TRIBUNE

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Publisher: Ariadne                                             Issue 3

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes In Chi-town

As Ariadne, boss of the Newsies, announces her intentions to step down as a leader, her second in command, Ziva, rises to the top.  Here is to hoping that Ziva and Fort Hubcap have a long and prosperous life.

In addition to Fort Hubcap, New York is filling up at last when several new families.   Established bosses have set up a number of new crews from Chicago, Detroit, and Philadelphia.  We at the Chicago Union Tribune hope to hear from all the new families as they settle into their new digs and, perhaps, we can get more information about the varied groups. 

Suicides Linked to Fouled Water Supply

Over the past several days, a rash of suicides from Chicago to New York have locals worrying about their water supply.   Panicked civilians screaming about life being a game, then holding up pistols and waving them frantically before committing suicide have overrun local hospitals.  While doctors are saying they’ are not seeing it affect longtime members of the local cities, they are seeing it in newcomers to the local area.  Dr.  Yu Cannasueme of Chicago County General would not comment on the incident, stating only that they were waiting on blood work to return to see if anything could be determined from the victims themselves. 

Featured Businesses

Chicago’s Exquisite Pub

Nestled in the heart of Chi-town’s business district is Chicago’s Exquisite pub.  Sitting in the quint locale, one can people watch while dining on home made spaghetti with Bolognese Sauce, the noodles cooked to perfection, or for a heartier appetite, there’s the 14 ounce Prime Rib Steak, fired by experts on the grill, or even wings for the adventurous types.   What’s your poison? They’ve got amazing Italian wines, fresh espresso, home brewed ale, or even coffee, tea, or sodas.   Next time you head into Chicago on business, I would highly recommend this pub. 

HOROSCOPES

Aries-  So here you are, Aries, but wait! You’re missing your portable spotlight!  That’s right, today is your day to suck up that spotlight like a thirsty man at an oasis.  Be careful though; being a head-tilting camera whore isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Be yourself; you’ll get the attention you deserve just by being you, so don’t be a sell out. If you’re going to open a business, open up a club!  You can have all the spotlight you want, there.

Taurus-  Work it baby work it, own it…that’s right Taurus.  Get out there and strut your stuff.  You’re are at the forefront of the action, and you’re just not giving up.  Don’t let anyone bring you down so today, Get out there on the streets and tell your story.

Gemini-  Are you tense?  Someone close to you is disregarding the way you feel..You may feel this person cares more what’s going on with them instead of you.  You’re supportive and caring to those around you, but perhaps it’s time to step back and worry about yourself…then give that care and concern to others. 

Cancer-  You know your profile? That visage you show to the world?  Tidy it up, Cancer..Shoulders back, head high, be proud of yourself and who you are.  Today, don’t worry about anything but cheering those around you.  Happiness is right up your alley so enjoy it          !  Start a street party!

Leo- Today you feel the need to impress your higher ups…Perhaps the local Godfather, maybe it’s just the next in line of your family.  Your success knows no bounds today so go for it!  Make friends, get in close with some bosses,.  Emotions are riding high so be aware of it.

Virgo -  You are just oozing loving, peaceful calm today.  Eyes are watching you, and you might just have folks you’ve never met walking up to compliment you.  Be confident, but humble; you will inspire folks just by being you.  It’s a wonderful day, enjoy it and just being you.

Libra -  You are running into obstacles associated with your goals, but you don’t feel you’re getting the support you need.  You may feel folks that you expected on your side are turning against you, and you will feel betrayed.  Don’t take it personally however; there are people in your family that could use your guidance.

Scorpio -  Your lightheartedness is going to draw folks to you that you haven’t seen in a while; and your sunny disposition is going to draw fun and good fortune to you…you deserve that.  Your presence positively glows, people are lucky to be in your presence.   It is possible you should move at this point to a larger family; the benefits may be on your side!

Sagittarius -  Your inner diva is screaming to get out, and she’s NOT HAPPY that all the attention is not focusing on you.  You’re feeling cheated, irritable, and generally in bitch-mode. So, rather than follow her like a spoilt child,  join in with the block party and relax.  Trust me, Sagittarius, you’ll feel far better.

Capricorn -  You have many difficult issues coming to a head; you may lash out and snap at folks around you that really don’t deserve it.  Because of this, it’s going to make the issue even more difficult to deal with.  Balance is key; so balance yourself out.  If you don’t, you’ll end up truly grounded in a set of cement loafers.

Aquarius – You and Taurus should hang out together Get into that spotlight and don’t be shy; strut your stuff and be proud of being you!  Enjoy the chance to shine and realize that, unlike you, they may inde4ed be shallow and self centered.  You aren’t.

Pisces – Did you loan Vinnie the Mooch money to buy a DFP?  You might get some of that back today.  Maybe it wasn’t money but a favor you gave someone in your family.  They may possibly express their gratitude for that favor in a different fashion.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help today if you need it.

Cooking in Chicago

This week’s recipe is for an old west favorite, the Cowboy Flank Steak.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 teaspoons chili powder

1 1/2 teaspoons finely ground coffee

1/2 teaspoon brown sugar

1/4 teaspoon dry mustard

1/4 teaspoon ground coriander

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 1/4 pound shoulder center steak (Ranch Steak), or top sirloin, about 1 1/4-inch thick
 

Very lightly oil a large cast iron skillet and preheat it.  While heating the skillet, take all the dry ingredients and combing them in a small bowl, then coat the steak well on both sides.  Steak should be cooked for approximately 14 minutes, turning once.  All the steak to rest for 5 minutes before slicing. 

This dish is best served for your “meat and taters” kinda gentlemen with baked new potatoes in a garlic butter sauce, garnished with chives. 

After all, what man isn’t, at heart, a Meat and Potatoes sorta guy?

NOW ACCEPTING COPY FOR THE FOLLOWING:

Classified Section – Got a business? Advertise here

Contest section – Are you running a contest? Advertise here

Obituaries – Are you mourning a loved one?  Announce the services in this section.

JakeLuciano was on his way to the local strip club .... errr the local hospital for his weekly candy striping volunteer work, unable to resist a good read, he grabs a copy of the paper.

Expansion in the cities, suicides and a steak recipe. A delightful read as always. 

He quickly scans for any obits and the business section before checking he has a good amount of $1 bills tucked away.

Athena reads the paper and regrets having done so while hungry. She has found herself with an insatiable craving for the flank steak and new potatoes.

Good read as always, however I want steak now.

MidnightSmoker strolling down the street cant help but see a new newspaper out for the public to read. He loves reading anything interesting and a newspaper with recipes was just the ticket. MidnightSmoker pays for his copy thanking the kind newspaper girl. He was also glad the lately he had been skipping out on water after reading the newspaper. He tells the person selling newspaper

"Keep up the good work thanks for adding more interesting things to read."

The Steak recipe sounds fantastic I think Ill go home and make it right now, actually on second thought It occurs to me I have no teeth and I've been warned many times to stay away from BBQ's and all cooking appliances for that matter do to my high flammable cotton content.

Ernie Chuckles Heh hee hee

Great Issue, Thanks again.

Cowboy flank steak as a featured recipe was a great idea, however I seem to burn it every time. Maybe one day I will find a woman who knows how to cook...

It's with mixed feelings I read this wonderful paper today.

It goes without saying, but I shall anyway, thank you for another splendid, entertaining and informative issue dear Ariadne. I was very saddened to hear of your intentions to step down but then instantly brought joy again at the fine lady that is stepping up in your place, Ziva. I wish her and all those in Fort Hubcap much success. I am somewhat concerned by her fort being made of Hubcaps though... A certain hand of hers has had problems with forts and hubcaps being stolen from / by him over the years... I await to see how combining the two works out!

I enjoyed the horoscopes a lot and as a Virgo it goes some way to explaining the spring I've had in my step recently, your psychic skills are unerringly accurate and I'm pleased to confirm numerous compliments I have received of late especially with regard to my plush nicely preened plumage!

Finally I have to say wow... That steak recipe sounds fantastic, I shall be calling the chef in our headquarters right away and having him prepare it for the crew. With Czylled hearts and bellies full of steal there is nothing they won't be able to achieve.

Thanks again Ariadne, I can't wait for the next issue.

Suddenly realizing he's been distracted from keeping an eye in his hubcaps for a few minutes he hurriedly makes his way back for fear of a scouser passing in the vicinity of it.