CHICAGO UNION-TRIBUNE

Thursday, June 5, 2013

Publisher: Ariadne                                             Issue 4

Crime Runs Rampant in the Streets

Chaos, panic and disorder are running amok in the streets.  We do not mean ChaosSpike, either.   A mobster was noted attempting a post office robbery and the police descended on the New York streets.  Several bodies littered the ground, the head of the group suffering numerous cuts and abrasions after diving out of the front window.  Passers-by were appalled at the mess and Officer Chris P. Bacon out of the 128^th stated that they would root out the offending parties as soon as the could get dispatch to send out a couple more officers.  Shortly afterwards, Officers Sergeant and Constable arrived to clear the glass and take statements.   Dr. Jackal was on scene at the time but left before giving the Tribune a comment.  

Tailors Tasked by Teofilo

Notorious mobster, TeofiloNicolosi, announced a competition among the various fashion houses and personal tailors, encouraging them to make him a fine new suit to replace the one he arrived in.  On the table, beyond having such a fine gent wearing one of the tailor’s creations, is a grand prize of $2.5 million dollars, US.  There is still time, all you young budding fashion designers, so be sure to submit your designs for the chance to be named as Mr. Nicolosi’s personal tailor. 

Hallucinogens in Egg Supply

Another rash of suicides, blamed in part on fowled eggs from local farmers, brought Blink to the streets, shouting to all who would listen that, instead of drinking polluted water or getting eggs from The Sal Monella Hen House and Taxidermist, to talk to their bosses about offering their bodies to science by way of a single clean gunshot from a loved one. 

Featured Business

Scalper’s Barbershop is now open for business in the heart of Black Bottom Detroit.  Beyond the standard shave and a haircut, (two bits), he offers Indian remedies for removal of everything from parasites to splinters to additional appendages.  To his most discerning customers he also offers an ancient and savage Moonshine.   Here’s to hoping the barbershop does well in Detroit .

Horoscopes

Aries –  You will be getting to the heart of the matter today Aries..usually wih a knife and remember, under the ribs is far easier than through them! No really, probe deeply in the matter of your career…can you TRULY pull off those big heists or are you better off couching your bets for a lower crime  to be assured success?

Taurus –  You know how to take down a fort, you know the world SHOULD know you know how to take down a fort, but perhaps not bragging about it would be in your best interest.  You may think teasing an associate about who’s the better shot will be fun, but it may end up turning ugly…No sense getting worked up over trivialities so remember, silence is a virtue. So is discretion.

Gemini – To quote a song, “Don’t know why, there’s no sun up in the sky, stormy weather…” There’s some serious tension rife in your HQ right now; resentments are left unsaid, power struggles are playing out without resolution.  Today, you can’t take it any longer.  No matter what risks you face in doing so, you will take measures to clear the air.

Cancer –  You have a lot of irons in the fire right now. Without a doubt your work has recently come to the attention of your superiors but, if not, do something subtle to show off your efforts.   Someone you’ve decided to keep at a distance is moving into your personal space; there’s a powerful current there that may spell a more intimate relationship in both of your futures.

Leo –  Hope you’ve had your shocks checked on that Stutz, ‘cause you’ve got a bumpy road ahead.  Issues relating to your material resources will be on your agenda; are you experienced enough? Will you make the grade? Though the road is bumpy, you are feeling very supported by your family and the Universe at large.  You have so much creativity and goodwill that it’ll be hard to argue with you.

Virgo –  Right now, you should take the saying “The only thing to fear is fear itself” to heart.  Dare to take on more responsibility.  Opening in your family for someone to step up and be a leader?  Go for it.  Remember what you are, Virgo, and I’m not talking about your sign either.  Take charge and go for those difficult crimes; you can do this!

Libra – Everything’s lining up for you today Libra; that missing puzzle piece you’ve been searching for will show up at last.  You’re in the right place at the right time.  But, don’t let the past hinder you.  Maybe some ancient family values are impeding you from living a life that may not be politically correct.  For once, bang your fist on that table! Make people respect your choices so you can, in turn, respect yourself.

Scorpio – Today’s planetary alignment is challenging you to take your talents seriously, so LISTEN TO THEM. You’re going to have a hell of a time strutting your stuff and showcasing your innate gifts if you hide your light under a bushel.  Shine bright, Scorpio; your talents could bring you some serious profit, provided you look deep inside to discover how best to use them to your advantage.

Sagittarius –  Ya know how friends and loved ones are telling you to use your talents around more fashionable activities?  Don’t listen to them. If you listen to the naysayers, you’re going to end up feeling like crap about your creations and yourself. You’re in a good mood right now, which makes you funnier and more attractive to those around you so get ready to put on your party clothes; you’re becoming the popular one! On that natural high, take one some new, exciting projects!

Capricorn –  The celestial energy is telling you to make some important decisions, Capricorn, but balance is the key if you’re ambitious.  Don’t get worked up, stay calm and steady and it will work to your advantage.  This is the week to get serious about straightening out your finances; make sure that agent of yours isn’t skimming profit off the top.

Aquarius –  You feel like your caught, tugged in two directions.  You want to participate fully in the world and yet, you also want to remain in your dream world, even at the risk of being labeled a space case.  If you look closely you’ll see that you can in fact do both, without having to make that choice.  You are mesmerizing to anyone that meets your gaze.  Remember though, your power over others is greater than you think so be VERY careful with that power.

Pisces –  This week is all about import and exports.  You will have a brilliant idea for how to get those more profitable routes off the ground.  The universe just wants you to get everything lined up beforehand.  Because of the energy today, make sure you aren’t too much of a pushover, because that energy is going to help you fall on your ass.  If you give your associates an inch, they will take at least a mile so make sure to stand your ground when they start pushing.

Some Like it Hot

Today's recipe is hot off the grill, and straight to your plate.  Grab your hula skirts and line up your leis, we've got Hawaiian Kabobs and fragrant rice on the menu for this week's recipe.

Ariadne's Aromatic Hawaiian Kabobs

1 cup orange juice with pulp

3 tablespoons soy sauce

3 tablespoons brown sugar  

2 tablespoons sherry

1 tablespoon sesame oil  

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

8 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves - cut into 2 inch pieces

1 (20 ounce) can pineapple chunks, drained  

2 large white onions, cut in chunks

3 bell peppers, one each of green red and orange, cut into chunks

1 package grape tomatoes

skewers

Directions

1. In a shallow glass dish, mix the soy sauce, brown sugar, sherry, sesame oil, ginger, and garlic powder. Stir the chicken pieces and pineapple into the marinade until well coated. Cover, and marinate in the refrigerator at least 2 hours. After removing the chicken, cook the remaining marinade until just bubbling.
2. Preheat grill to medium-high heat.
3. Lightly oil the grill grate. Thread chicken and vegetables alternately onto skewers. Grill 15 to 20 minutes, basting and turning occasionally, or until chicken juices run clear.

This dish works very well with jasmine rice cooked with chicken broth instead of water. 

Bon Appetit!

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"Better stay away from those egss" JakeLuciano thinks to himself as he scans through the paper

Another excellently produced paper Ariadne, there is definitely something in the water i tell you! Also the words of encouragement from my horoscope have convinced me to bring my next subject to light in the streets..i fear nothing. 

blink leaves a tip and heads home to do some more research