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| Which Rourke are you? | Started by: QuagmireRourke on Nov 21, '08 18:33 |
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As the more astute amongst you may have recognised, the Rourke family have come into this world. Irish/Sicilian descent without the penchant for eating raw potato's or waxing moustaches (hey, we like to maintain some form of originality). We are, at present 5 in number. Although we're expecting relations from various corners of the globe to be joining us shortly in our quest for annihilation of anything resembling a hawk. So, you must be wondering what we're like? I can do better than that, I can show you exactly which Rourke YOU are like by answering the questions below. Oh come on, if you're in this world for the amount of time most of you are then you have FUCK ALL else in your life, so why not? Question 1 You're out strolling in the gloaming one fall evening when, out of nowhere, a shooting star passes across the clear sky. Do you:- 1. Ignore it. It can't speak in modern parlance language so I'm not going to get a 'Lolzors' from the situation 2. use the distraction to anally violate a nearby midget 3. break into song, dance a funky chicken and recite many of the hitherto passims about space and time 4. use the distraction to see how far up the wall you can pee 5. whisper to the nearest stranger 'I bet she goes like a shithouse in a gale' Question 2 You're with a lady friend who happens to be just that, a friend. However, you've been dieing to tap that for a long, long time. She's drunk at a party, recently having split up from her abusive boyfriend and is vulnerable. Or to put a male slant on it, ripe. Do you:- 1. Ignore it. She always talked too much anyway and none of it had the slightest hint of 'zors' in the mix 2. pretend she's a midget and take the opportunity to violate her in every conceivable way, orifice and armpit 3. pin her up in the middle of Eden Hall Academy whilst shouting 'go team pie face' 4. tattoo the meaning of her behaviour into her arse with a rusty spoon so she will, when sober, realise the magnitude of her folly 5. grin and feel her boobs Question 3 You're walking down the street, minding your own business when, out of nowhere a streaker thrusts at you, pulls a gun (please don't ask me from where, this is a family world) and orders you to hand over your money. Do you:- 1. laugh at it, say 'lolzors, its like a penis only smaller' 2. Give him your business card, advise about midget surgery and hope to see him soon. 3. do the funky chicken, thrust suggestively whilst saying 'someone needs to visit the barber and it ain't me, I wax' 4. Stare intently at the would be assailant and calmly explain that, would he not be naked he would definitely be about to be anally violated. (reserved for those that understand irony) 5. wonder why his name ends in 'berg' when he's quite obviously not Jewish. Question 4 You wake up on a Sunday morning. All is well. The sun is shining, you didn't get VD from that ropey midget/whore/rent boy/Sienna last evening. All of a sudden you hear a knock at the door. You have a parcel from a major parcel delivery company. Clipper is the delivery boy. Do you:- 1. laugh at him, mock his reality and the fact he cries into his pillow all night then say 'lolz, u HaVe AiDz Lolz' 2. hold a gun to his head until he reveals the secret midget porn location 3. do the funky chicken around him until he becomes disorientated, stutters and falls (at which point you steal his bodily hair) 4. Head butt him firmly in the face. Wait for him to fall. Light a cigarette and wait for him to come around and then calmly tell him 'fucktard' before head butting him again. 5. Dress him up in Mother Rourke's old lingerie and challenge him to a peeing competition........after you're smashed his head into the urinal of course. Question 5 Its war time. Some love it, some hate it. But fuck it; you're a Rourke for fuck sake, man up! (Sorry, I was getting carried away) Where was I? Oh yes, war. So, there's a war going on and your allegiance is questioned.......by that foxy old slut money. You're offered $50 million to betray your family and give valuable information/sordid pictures of your family for the aid of a rival, not withstanding safe haven in one of VJ's 3 vaginas. Do you:- 1. take the money, give nothing away and say 'LoLz, PwNed' 2. say that the deal just isn't sweet enough without an army of left footed midget albino's 3. do the funky chicken as if you're agreeing to the deal, then moonwalk all over the messengers face, stopping only wipe the smegma across his lips 4. Stare coolly, not unlike Clint Eastwood as you show him your revolver....and then your gun before uttering the words 'do you feel lucky punk? Because if you do, its 2 for 1 night at the titty bar'..........and then killing him. 5. Piss on him to death. Mainly 1's You are Thomas Rourke A mix of genius and insanity. Not used to being around civilised people he learned his grammar from the local boys club that uses dirty worlds and slang. A loyal and honest person who takes his 'Lolz' over the 'molz' He's also great in bed by all accounts. Mainly 2's (giggles at 2's) You are QuagmireRourke Unsavable, unsavoury and a complete deviant. Will go the extra mile to find the midget of his dreams. In fact, he'll go the extra midget to go the mile of his dreams. No, that didn't make sense to me either but you fucking chose the answers. Deal with it. Mainly 3's You are Eddie Rourke. Some think his penchant for song, dance and the funky chicken (no, he didn't know that was a dance) is slightly gay. Nothing could be further from the truth. He's straight as a die and has the notches on his pen to prove it. As he always says 'do you like chicken? Suck my dick, its fowl' Mainly 4's You are Brian Rourke. Cold hearted, circumspect, deadly yet compassionate. Brian likes order, whatever happens, DO NOT disturb his yoga time. He trusts no one but his family and will defend them as if his life depends on it. And looking at his family, it usually does. He's also a regular at the Philly amateur dramatic society (slightly typecast as a cold, misunderstood, troubled soul) Mainly 5's You are Archie Rourke You compensate by pissing on everyone and anything. Soon to star in your own movie entitled 'Do you call that a high piss? Pffffffffff'. A jolly soul who loves life, whilst also pissing on those that don't. Don't fuck with this small piece of dynamite, he's got ammonia power! You're going to love us and you know it! |
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| Just to clarify, none of us Rourke clan are related by blood, we just coincidentally share a last name... Now on to the survey... I think I'm a fucking Archie. Goddamnit. That's like getting a mini-jigsaw puzzle from a box of Cracker Jacks... Oh well... At least I'm not a Brian. I hear he gets charged rent for even using the name. He also is no longer able to grow face hair, which truly is a Rourke staple. | |
| Reply by: ThomasRourke at Nov 21, '08 18:43 | |
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Marietta shakes her fist at the sky and cries out, WHY?! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ROURKES?! Pausing for a beat she calmly shakes her head and adjusts her blouse and skirt. Sorry for the outburst. Just saying- there are so many around here lately. It's mind boggling how none of them are related, either. Now, if you can believe it, I got a tie on this damn quiz. I'm half Brian Rourke and half Archie Rourke, which worries me immensely. It's sort of being like the "strong and silent" type, while I'm secretly longing to piss on someone. ...Are you sure this test is even valid? My answers seemed to have been skewed. I always pegged myself as the Thomas type. Or wait, perhaps I wanted to be pegged by Thomas... |
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| Reply by: Marietta at Nov 23, '08 04:12 | |
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You could do a lot worse than being half BrianRourke Marietta. A lot worse. Like being half of Dennis Rodman. There's something for you to mull over now! Yeah suddenly it doesn't seem too bad being good old BrianRourke. |
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| Reply by: BrianRourke at Nov 23, '08 06:36 | |
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I'm the Rourke who stole an idea CP came up with aeons ago without offering them any credit whatsoever for having developed the original concept. Not sure which one of you that is. |
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| Reply by: Oasis at Nov 23, '08 15:44 | |
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| Hahaha. Man you are right, my most heartfelt apologies. Us non-related, but similarly named Rourkes offer you our most sincere apologies for something that has surely pre-dated CP as well. But don't worry man, you still have yourself as the reason the sun rises and sets!! You've still got a lot going for you, so just come give me a hug and let bygones be bygones. | |
| Reply by: ThomasRourke at Nov 23, '08 16:06 | |
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I would consent to a hug, but unfortunately it might ruin my look. You see, whilst I may look dishevelled and bedraggled, it's actually an appearance which takes a lot of effort. Plus, there's my image as a hard as nails Rock 'n' Roll star to consider, anachronistic as it is. I accept the apology though. And of course I have myself as the reason the sun rises and sets, it's oft been said my ego far outweighs my talent. Takes a walk with his fame down memory lane. |
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| Reply by: Oasis at Nov 23, '08 16:24 | |
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dude dude!! the Funky Chicken RULES!!!!!!!! I can see it now!! |
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| Reply by: canawupass at Nov 24, '08 14:49 | |
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| I am a new breed of Rourke. | |
| Reply by: Telkinrourke at Nov 24, '08 15:31 | |
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| And an entirely scary one at that. | |
| Reply by: Marietta at Nov 24, '08 15:38 | |
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*notices the large crowd* *puffs joint* *smiles and heads down the alley on another drug-run* |
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| Reply by: Bossman_Marley at Nov 24, '08 15:43 | |
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| With all do respect Don, i am not scary at all. | |
| Reply by: Telkinrourke at Nov 24, '08 15:45 | |
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I beg to differ Nods his head to Marietta before walking off |
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| Reply by: Heaven at Nov 24, '08 16:00 | |
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| With a confused look on his face, 'How the hell am i scary?' | |
| Reply by: Telkinrourke at Nov 24, '08 16:03 | |
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| Well I don't know if Telkin is specifically the scarey Rourke, but any family who makes you want to dance the funky chicken and pee on stuff is SCAREY | |
| Reply by: 2ataTime at Nov 25, '08 17:33 | |
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Its the midget thing that makes me tremble... ~Runs and hides~ |
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| Reply by: -K- at Nov 25, '08 20:49 | |
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Okay now just a cotton-picking minute...what's this with the anal violation of the midgets, ehn? EHN?! I resemble that remark dammit! Well...the midget part..not the...aw screw it you get it. |
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| Reply by: Bombshell_Brandi at Nov 26, '08 11:39 | |
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You do indeed, now if you'd just like to follow me into this handily located broom cupboard.......... |
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| Reply by: QuagmireRourke at Nov 29, '08 16:27 | |
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| Oh you cheeky beast, you know how much I hate cobwebs...is this one cleaned out? | |
| Reply by: Bombshell_Brandi at Nov 29, '08 18:29 | |
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| I got mostly 4's, which says i'm most like that Brian Rourke. Too bad he's more into men these days. | |
| Reply by: Aurora at Nov 30, '08 06:38 | |
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