CHICAGO UNION-TRIBUNE

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Publisher: Ariadne                                             Issue 6

New Generation, New Tyrant

This week saw Mr Pickles hopped up on his two-story speech box.  After announcing that he’s now in charge, he combined the cities and renamed them the New Windy City of Brotherly Love Don’t Go To Detroit At Night, or NWCOBLDGTAN.  He assures us that he’s assembling a committee to come up with a better name so let’s hope that’s sooner, rather than later.  His demands are listed here; make sure to be wary of French maids traveling throughout as they typically belong to him and function as his eyes and ears. 

Mr. Pickles Demands:
   1) Everyone will send me $1 to fund my empire.  Crew leaders will send me $2.
   2) All HQ bars will be renamed “Pickles Memorial Bar.”
   3) All sentences will end with “If Pickles allows.”
   4) There will be no watering the seeds of liberty with the blood of tyrants!  Thomas Payne be damned!
   5) And, for the heck of it, all of my subjects shall wear this lapel pin to show their love and loyalty to yours truly. --> Lapel Pin

The Fort Hubcaps 500K Tourney

Mr. Eric Cantona from Fort Hubcaps has announced a No limit Texas Hold ‘em Tournament to be held this Saturday.  The announcement was posted on signposts throughout the city, but the gist of it is here. 

TEXAS NO LIMIT HOLD 'EM TOURNAMENT - STARTING ON SATURDAY 22ND JUNE AT 19:00 (MAFIA TIME) EXACTLY:

- The buy in for this tournament is $500,000, no exceptions or negotiations.

- The predicted prize structure is as follows, though may change depending on participation:

• 3rd place  -$500,000
• 2nd place -$1,000,000
• 1st place - Remaining Prize Pot - Fort Hubcaps will be taking no house fee on this special opening tournament!

- Each player will start with 2,000 chips.  Blinds will start at 15/30 and increase every 10 minutes.

- There will be at 5 minute break at 55 minutes past each hour until completion of the tournament.

- There is no maximum number of competitors; though a maximum of 6 players will be seated at each table.

- Tourney Registration is available immediately and will stay open right up until there start of the tournament, with a 10 minute late registration period available.

- All tournament buy ins are payable to Cantona.

Make sure you get in contact with Mr. Cantona to reserve your seat in the tournament this weekend. 

Horoscopes

Aries –   Today you’ll be asked to take on more of a leadership role during the next month.  Direct your energy outward and use these next four weeks to transform.  BE STRONG!

Taurus – You have a looming battle in your future, but it feels as though you have more emotional armor these days. (Ahh, that’s right you just bought a new group of body guards, eh?)  Your aggressive banter is at a peak and you have a larger arsenal of weapons. 

Gemini –  You’re just not feeling too hot right now, Gemini…but don’t give up…not yet. Today won’t be the best day of your life but that doesn’t mean throw in the towel, write everyone off and become a hermit.  You’ll snap out of “super-moody” mode soon.

Cancer –  Today certain issues may be a bit too emotional for you to handle comfortably and some folks around you have an aggressive, combative tone.  Keep your guard up.  Your energy is high and you have a great deal of fire that you can use to transform anything.

Leo – You don’t feel like you’re relating well with other people today, Leo.  You may want to dive deeper into issues while others want to skim the surface.  Instead of just ordering the typical from your favorite business, dig deep and try something new.  Today should be the day you put yourself out in the world.

Virgo –  Today is the day for you to buy up one of those drug-front properties, Virgo…or maybe open a casino!  Instead of analyzing everyone else’s life and choices, look at your own and see what choices you can make (like that DFP!)

Libra –  You’re second-guessing your choices today so make sure to double check everything.  You feel the need to step away from the nest over the next month, so  do it, but cautiously.  Don’t look back but be careful before taking that step forward.

Scorpio –  Emotionally you feel much stronger than usual.  You’ll surprise yourself at the events, thoughts, and conversations you command with your words.  Typically you are a follower, you go with the flow. Today though, you want to take the lead and instead of being the laid back happy person, you want to take charge and show folks how to get things done.  People are idiots if they don’t follow you today. 

Sagittarius –  You want to take a chill-day today, but you don’t feel like you can.  That little voice in your head is telling you to bust your tail and work.  Maybe you have an urge to do something physical, going after that trucking depot and hauling boxes.  Don’t force the manual labor though; if you’re going to put that much work into anything, put it into having a good time.  THROW A STREET PARTY!

Capricorn – Ahhh, you’ve got that huge red S on your chest today.  SuperCapricorn!  Tackle all those projects you love but have been too scared to start; there’s no kryptonite here!  Don’t waste this energy going to the films; use it to your advantage!

Aquarius –   You’re shooting for the moon but feeling a bit scattered today Aquarius.  Although you feel like you’re busy as a one-armed paper hanger, you go to bed wondering if you’re so tired from working so hard, what exactly did you do?  Are you busting your tail for everyone else?  Stop that!  Focus on yourself today instead of others. 

Pisces –  You are totally in tune with emotions and actions today Pisces, meaning that you’re likely to do things that are more in tune with your true beliefs.   Stay true to yourself and no one can argue with what you do or who you are.  You don’t need to make excuses about anything to anyone. 

Recipe of the Week

It’s that time again and this week, we’re sharing my absolute favorite way to eat eggs at breakfast.  Bacon and Egg cups are just about as simple as they sound, quick and easy and can be changed up in so many ways! This is the basic recipe but I like to give it a kick by adding a small amount of diced jalapenos.  Enjoy!

Bacon and Egg Cups

Slice of bread for each muffin cup (I prefer wheat)

BACON!  If you’re feeding a hungry horde be aware that this recipe uses 2 slices bacon per muffin cup (this is the part where you might want to add additional ingredient to fill it out a bit)

One egg each muffin cup

Shredded cheese (sharp cheddar is awesome with these)

Salt and Pepper

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Use a cookie cutter to cut circles out of each piece of bread.
3. Grease a muffin tin and press circles of bread in the muffin cups. Place in the oven and bake for 5 minutes or until bread is slightly toasted. Remove from the oven.
4. Cook bacon in a skillet until halfway cooked (approximately 3-4 minutes).
5. Place 2 slices of bacon on top of the pieces of bread to form a cup (the bacon should cover the bread and the sides of each cup).
6. Crack an egg into each muffin cup (on top of the bacon). It helps to discard a little bit of the egg white after cracking and before pouring into the muffin cup.
7. Place in the oven and bake for 18-20 minutes or until the eggs are set.
8. Sprinkle cheddar cheese over each egg and continue to bake until cheese is melted
9. Season with salt and pepper to taste and serve.

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JakeLuciano was his usual busy self, he had a swagger in his step as he marched down the street, his mind focused solely on finishing off the Northern invaders, in need of an escape, he grabs a copy of the paper 

"A new tyrant on the streets, some chap called Pickle" the old Don mused to himself as he recalled his passing conversation with this Pickle guy yesterday "I am more concerned with what to do with the left over egg whites, than what this so called tyrant has planned" 

Pickles takes a brief break from his tyrannical rule to check out The Tabloid News' competition.  Pleased that he made the headlines he puts the paper down and writes a letter to the editor . . .

Dear Ariadne,

You are quite welcome for be allowed to publish these stories in the new state-controlled media outlet.  However, you have failed to adhere to Rule #3, and are forcing me to implement the new Media Tax!  You will owe me 50x more than the crewleaders.  I eagerly await your payment of $100! 

Also, I thought we agreed your next recipe would be for spaghetti tacos.  We can discuss that later.

Tyranically Yours,
Mr. Pickles The Tyrant (Editor-in-Chief of The Tabloid News)

Pickles hands the letter to his local Postman without a stamp, because the Postal Service belongs to him now and send him on his way.

BrickTop buys a newspaper off a boy on the street for $1, folding it under his arm he proceeds to his favorite coffee shop for a drink and a read of the local news. He sits down at a table as a waitress comes over with a pot of coffee, pouring him a cup with a huge smile on her face.

BrickTop has always muttered when reading, "mhmrmm Tyrant!... mhrup Pickles?!? .... pfff... ooh Poker, hmm hubcaps?.." Reading his horrorscopes he says "Hey Errol, my horoscope says to double check eveything today, make sure you do it for me." before realizing the reason he was in the coffee shop was because Errol had to go back to his family urgently.  Reading the Recipe of the week made BrickTop hungry, calling over the waitress he asks for Bacon and egg, continuing to read the newspaper until his food arrives.