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| Rourke Court: Brian v. Rourkey | Started by: ThomasRourke on Dec 13, '08 06:56 |
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The makeshift court was aglow in the early morning hours. Thomas was in his chambers, which was also Veronicazotz's master bathroom. She had loaned them the house for a couple hours while she was out grocery shopping so they had to be sure that the court proceedings didn't run over or else there would be a mistrial by virtue of the fact that Brian's cougar mother would kick them out. Oh Veronicazotz, her sweet milky skin, which made you wonder how Brian had come out so panther dark in skin tone. His dear mother quite literally must have had sex with nighttime to create such a mix. Thomas heard the murmur of the people attending the trial in the next room, and adjusted his Rourke-issue robe for which they had still not received the proper size so it hugged his upper thighs uncomfortably. He cleared his throat and opened the door and entered the courtroom. Thomas glanced around and saw Quagmire acting as bailiff, and Fu-manju to be the trial's stenographer. He saw Brian and Rourkey Rourke sitting in front of him on opposite sides of the room. Behind them in the audience sat Eddie, Jay, Digger, Chuckie, Nadda, OneTwo, SirSammy, Phatballz, Mickey, Fork, and the exhumed body of Waffles Rourke. Amongst the Rourkes was also a female face, that of Aurora, the wife in question. As he entered, Quagmire stood and announced, "All rise, the honorable judge Thomas Rourke presiding in the case of Brian Rourke v. Rourkey Rourke." Thomas looked at the court docket in front of him and read over the file. "Okay, so we have the plaintiff Bradley, eh, Brian Rourke alleging the defendent Rourkey Rourke attempted to kill him, then married the woman he was involved with, taking her on what I am reading to be an enjoyable honeymoon. He wants the marriage between Aurora and Rourkey dissolved. Thomas kept reading the file and continued, "Okay, and it seems we have a countersuit. Rourkey is suing Brian for defamation of character, stating that the plaintiff accused him of being a, 'dirty fucking C' as well as a 'filthy diseased C'. The defendant also claims the plaintiff threatened to defecate on his 'nan'." Thomas looked at the Rourkes who whispered to each other as the case was read. He removed his glasses and became serious. "I will warn both sides and the spectators of this proceeding now, I will not tolerate any 'your mum's, 'your nan's, or 'deeee(eeee)z'ing of any kind. I will toss this case out and declare a mistrial if anyone in this courtroom steps out of line. Okay... I would like Ms. Aurora to take the stand right now. The room fell silent as Aurora made her way to the stand. Quagmire stood in front of her with a hockey playbook and asked her to place her right hand on it. He then recited, "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you Bombay?" Aurora quickly nodded and took her seat. Thomas looked down at her and began his questions. "All right, Ms. Aurora, can you please recount the events that took place up until threats of using Rourkey's 'nan' as a toilet were made? Can you inform the court about your whirlwind marriage to Rourkey and Brian's role in it all?" |
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| *As Ocelot walks in she see's a an empty lawn chair next to some balding man with a large spring for legs. She quietly tries to make her way there, but fails miserably due to one of the Rourke's tripping her. After adjusting her dress and beating said Rourke with her sketch pad she settles down and starts drawing the proceedings* | |
| Reply by: Ocelots-Griblit at Dec 13, '08 14:41 | |
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Walking into Veronicazotz's home Zoey pulled on Marietta's arm who was reluctantly following her. Come on, Godfather. All of our super powers can't get us out of jury duty. It'll be fun. We'll get to convict a Rourke. |
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| Reply by: Zoey at Dec 13, '08 16:52 | |
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| Marietta whimpers to herself as she allows Zoey to drag her into the random house in the middle of suburbia. What the fuck are we even doing here? she hissed towards her companion, shuddering at all the framed baby pictures lining the walls and the white lace doilies on coffee tables strategically placed around the living room. Convicting a Rourke may be my life long dream, but we have to ask ourselves here: why was Aurora interested in a man that still lives with his mum? | |
| Reply by: Marietta at Dec 13, '08 21:25 | |
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| *AJ walks into the courtroom and sits down and starts to take notes* | |
| Reply by: AJMan_2 at Dec 13, '08 21:53 | |
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Well, I woke up the other morning and had no clue where I was. The sun was just coming up and I could barely see my surroundings. I knew it wasn't my bed though because it wasn't soft a pillowy. It was stiff and smelled odd. As my eyes were adjusting I could tell it was that of a hotel room. I thought to myself "why the hell would I be in a hotel room in the first place?". I had a raging headache and the last thing I recall was sitting at a bar deciding how I was going to prepare to hear the news about my favorite Rourke biting the big one. I wasn't for sure if the news was indeed true, or if it was some awful rumor I had heard through the grapevine. See, there have been a couple outcasted Rourkes(I shall not name names, unless otherwise asked) who have been trying to sabotage the relationships and reputations of otherwise respectable Rourkes such as Brian for instance. Anyhow, I remember meeting Mr. Rourkey Rourke at the bar. He was a Rourke I hadn't had much contact prior to that day in the bar. He was indeed confirming that Brian was dead and that he wasn't coming back. I asked him how he was so sure, and he just replied with "Trust me, i'm a Rourke. Don't you think I would know if one of my brethren were to fall?". At that point I remember burying my head in my hands and silently letting out a few sobs. I surely didn't want him to see me cry in public, i've got a reputation to uphold around here. When I finally gathered myself and straightened up, Rourkey had placed a drink in front of me. He told me he was sorry for confirming this horrible news, and that he wanted to make up for it by buying me a drink. I accepted because I thought he was a trusting man, being of Rourke descent and all. I hadn't heard any stories about him being devious or anything. Somehow in the back of my mind, I thought there could be a chance that Brian were still alive. I proceeded to thank the nice Rourke and we chatted a bit about fond memories we had. His didn't seem too fond however. All of the sudden I started to feel light headed. I thought it was a bit odd, considering it was only my second drink. I remember Rourkey smiling at me and telling me not to worry that everything was going to be okay from now on. I don't remember anything after that point, until I woke up in the foreign bed with a foreign man. I wasn't sure if he was dead, alive, gay, straight. He was Caucasian though, I do remember that vividly upon my awakening. I realized that it was Rourkey and demanded to know what the hell was going on and why there was a rind on my left ring finger. |
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| Reply by: Aurora at Dec 13, '08 22:47 | |
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Thomas stroked his mighty beard while listening to Aurora's testimony. He appreciated face hair even more since he learned that Brian wasn't allowed to grow it any longer. Brian's face being so smoothe now that it took on almost feminine characteristics. He looked down at Aurora and mulled over everything she just said. "Thank you for your time, Ms. Aurora. I believe your story about being drugged, however, I do have signed affidavits from the hotel staff that you were living it up on your honeymoon as Mrs. Ballz Deep Rourke, so I cannot fully discount that!" Thomas watched as Quagmire escorted Aurora from the stand and then his eyes locked with midnight Brian Rourke. He motioned for the man to take his turn at the firing line. He watched as Brian stood and walked confidently to the stand. He was sworn in and took a seat. "Mr. Rourke, can you please tell the court about your relationships with both Rourkey Rourke and Aurora? It would also please the court if you could go into detail about how your winky was chewed off. Finally, if you could explain your intentions behind telling Rourkey that he was two different variations of a 'C', and that you would release your bowels on to his 'nan'?" |
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| Reply by: ThomasRourke at Dec 14, '08 01:57 | |
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Mickey objected. I object! Thomas was not pleased. I'm not pleased, Thomas said. Objecting on what grounds? He quickly added. The play grounds! We haven't been there in ages! Thomas began to stroke his mighty beard once more. Good point Mickey. After the hearing we shall go. Mickey sat back down, satisfied at the outcome of his objection. A fine lawyer in the making he thought to himself as he pictured himself on the swings, holding the chain in one hand and a professional looking brief case in the other. |
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| Reply by: MickeyRourke at Dec 14, '08 02:54 | |
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*Quagmire whispers to Fu* Hey Fu, she had 'rind' on her finger. Isn't that offensive to you guys? *Quagmire whispers a 'giggety' as he scratches himself* |
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| Reply by: QuagmireRourke at Dec 14, '08 05:00 | |
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Guyth! Stop making fun of the way I say ring. I tend to pronounce some words differently. Also would the use of 'your mom' be counted out of the list for immediate mistrial? Obviously it's different from 'your mum'. |
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| Reply by: Aurora at Dec 14, '08 05:23 | |
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Zoey stood up and shouted after hearing Aurora's testimony. HE'S GUILTY! HANG HIM! Marietta pulled on Zoey's sleeve to make her sit down and whispered to her. "I think we have to hear both sides, Zo." The Don rolled her eyes. Ok, if you say so. Zoey took a cigarette out of her purse and looked at across the room at Thomas. Is it ok to smoke here in Brian's mom's house? |
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| Reply by: Zoey at Dec 14, '08 09:17 | |
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*Quagmire the bailiff nods and offers Zoey a light* 'Veroncazotz has smoked this place to death' I'm still waiting my turn. |
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| Reply by: QuagmireRourke at Dec 14, '08 11:59 | |
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| Yer nan is still waiting for her turn! Oh my....I guess I'm in the shit. | |
| Reply by: Sebastian at Dec 14, '08 14:38 | |
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| *sitting in the crowd thinks to himself, "Those damn Rourke are everywhere"* | |
| Reply by: Mobsta_Marley at Dec 14, '08 14:50 | |
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Brian sat in the dock composing his thoughts. "What a fat dirty miserable C Rourkey was" he thought to himself. "I can't wait to relieve myself on her lovely soft neck." "Well your honour," Brian said aloud, "Let me set the scene." And set the scene he did. For it is in the setting that the scene is made. Without the setting the scene is just smudges on the vast blanket that is time. Likewise without a scene there would be nothing to set, making the whole process time consuming and pointless. "I first met Rourkey on a golden day in mid July. The trees were singing and the birds were swaying. He was a small boy, but what he lacked in height, presence, charisma, personality, intelligence, good looks, charm, wit, a good haircut, dress sense, and a fine pair of shoes, he made up for by having a squint, braces, and a fat face." "Despite being socially inept, I took the young Rourkey under his wing and taught him the ways of the world. He set him up with his first girlfriend 'Gigantic Gemma', and talked him through how to kiss her on the mouth." "But despite this, relations between us soured fairly quickly. Brian was a young successful man, destined for greatness. Women wanted to fuck him, men wanted to be him. Rourkey on the other hand, was a useless cunt with a fat face." "It was in the summer of '69 that it happened. I'd got my first real six string you see. I'd bought it at the five-and-dime. Played it till my fingers bled. It was the summer of '69." A wave of lighters are lifted to the roof. "Rourkey was walking through the forest one day, when he tripped on a weasel. 'Fuck' he cried. And from that day on he swore revenge on me, and all I had done to advance the freedoms of the weasel race." The courtroom looked puzzled. But they loved a show, so they shut their mouths. "My relationship with Aurora however is completely different. We are an item. A secret secret item. I had to keep her secret lest Archie and Belma find out. Belma especially, she's a right C." "We were to be married 1 day after Rourkeys attack and subsequent marriage to my darling. It tears me apart to see her in the arms of a monster like Rourkey." "I want your babies!" Aurora cried from the crowd. "Maybe after the trial." Brian replied. The crowd went wild. "As it would please the court to learn of my sufferings with regard to my old penis I will recount as best I can." Brian took a deep breath "I lay there dead. At least I thought I was. I could still feel sensations around my body. Warm sensations. And then a sharp sensation near my crotch. And then a pulling sensation. And then a biting sensation. And then a ripping sensation. When I realised what was going on it was too late. The dog had cleanly ripped of my penis and was making off with it into the darkness. Fortunately I knew the curse I was born with and knew it would regenerate larger and more powerful than ever, so I feared not." "To conclude my segment, I will explain the variations of C I believe Rourkey to be. A filthy diseased C: So called because I believe him to have many variations of the Chlamydia virus, supposedly contracted from his own mother! A dirty fucking C: So called because, well, look at him. He's got shit on his face." Brian stood up ready to walk away. "But what about his nan?" The Right Honourable ThomasRourke asked. "What about her? I'm going to shit on her old plump neck the second this trial reaches its conclusion. Like the coming of the tides this is inevitable. Nothing can stop it." Brian walked back to his seat slowly and methodically. 'Just wait till I see his lovely nan!' he thought to himself. |
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| Reply by: BrianRourke at Dec 14, '08 17:03 | |
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| *slaps fives with BrianRourke as he walks by* | |
| Reply by: Mobsta_Marley at Dec 14, '08 22:07 | |
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Eddie sat by himself at the back of the 'courtroom', uninterested in these petty bourgeois affairs. He was looking through an old issue of Hustler magazine featuring a spread on Russian women. "I'd plow her like a Siberian road in deep winter", He thought to himself, the dirty old bastard. He looked up for a moment to see some bickering about a dog and a penis, or a dog's penis, or a penis' dog, he didn't really care. |
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| Reply by: EddieRourke at Dec 14, '08 22:34 | |
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Thomas leaned back after hearing Thomas' testimony and inhaled deeply, holding his breath for about 4 minutes because he was so good at everything. When he exhaled he decided to comment. "The court can concede that Rourkey does have the squinty, fat-faced characteristics you described in your testimony. And based on skeevy appearance alone, I am inclined to believe your entire testimony about Rourkey. That is not how this court of Rourke Law operates however. On the count of threatening to evacuate your bowels on to Rourkey's 'nan', I find you guilty, but I reserve judgment until I hear from the man whose 'nan' is in jeopardy with regards to whether the fecal necklace you wish to give her is justified." Thomas watches the herculean Brian leave the stand and looks down at Rourkey. Thomas almost had to avert his eyes because all the flaws in his appearance that Brian pointed out became more readily apparent. Rourkey stood and made his way to the stand. He was sworn in by Quagmire and silence fell over the room. "Well Mr. Rourke, you've heard the testimonies against you. It is now your time for rebuttal to what, so far, are pretty damning statements. I'd like to hear your side of what happened during your courtship with Aurora and subsequent marriage which seemed to occur over a very short period of time. Also it would please the court if you could detail your honeymoon and explain why Ms. Aurora can seemingly not remember any of the events that took place. Furthermore, I would like to hear about your history with Brian Rourke and the his alleged attempted murder." |
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| Reply by: ThomasRourke at Dec 15, '08 06:07 | |
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Rourkey calmly strolled to the podium in order to give his version of the events. Mid-stroll he turned to Aurora and blew her a kiss. Aurora could no longer contain herself and ran up to Rourkey's side, furiously sucking on his neck in the deep throes of lust. "Ladies and gentlemen of the courtroom, you may all clearly see that Aurora's affections lie with me and not with the one who calls himself 'BrianRourke.' In fact, I have damning information that will call this entire courtroom's actions thus far into question." Rourkey placed his hand into his jacket and pulled out a yellowed manila folder. "I have here, in my hands, my birth certificate along with those of all the other Rourkes. Please peruse them at your leisure. You will notice that one certificate is missing amongst the lot. Whose you ask? BRIAN'S. BRIANROURKE IS A SHAM. A PHONY. WHAT IS REFERRED TO IN SOME CIRCLES AS A CUMDUMPSTER......BRIANROURKE IS ADOPTED. Rourkey watches as the entire crowd begins murmuring over the latest developments. "I know some of you will not believe me, but please note that this has been verified by the Lords most high. I received this information passed down from Squishy and FullMetal themselves. Believe me, I was at first troubled by these events and I knew there would be no honorable course of action short of murdering Brian, the imposter. He is not fit to wear the Rourke moniker with his name and I don't think he ever will live up to the lofty Rourke standards. In fact, the BrianRourke you see before you is actually a ghost. He has returned from Hell to continue the misery of his life." The entire crowd watches as ThomasRourke begins to cry into his cornflakes. Thomas was enjoying a mid-trial snack, but could bear the drama no more. Thomas wiped his eyes and began to speak. "Oh Rourkey.....how could I ever have doubted you? You were a true prince to me and I never thought BrianRourke would have betrayed us like this. Rourkey, you are the Adam Banks of this family. A true star. If we were ever in a situation for a hockey movie, you would be the star player who would be called up to a more experienced team at the expense of your friends, only you would return to play with your friends when they needed you most." Rourkey replied, "Do not worry about this, Thomas. They do not call you 'Doubting Thomas' in some circles for nothing." Rourkey chuckled at his clever pun. The wizened corpse of WafflesRourke spoke up from the back of the audience. "But what about your torrid relationship with Aurora?" Rourkey was quite happy to answer this question. He knew that Aurora was his true trophy in this entire situation. His beautiful bride was pregnant with Rourkey's child and they had celebrated this fact right before the trial. Rourkey was positive this was his child. There was no way it could be anyone else's child so don't think you're going to get all clever up in this Camazotz you big fat C or else I'll fly over and stab you...where were we this is getting out of hand.....Aurora started waving and blowing kisses to Rourkey. Rourkey began flashing some tit at Aurora. Aurora began getting all hot and bothered under her dress. "I have clearly told the story of Aurora and I earlier. We met, fell in love, and currently have a family. She was not drugged, poisoned, drunk, or mind-raped. She was ABSOLUTELY not mind-raped. That is just absurd. I feel she is just sad that I am so busy with this mafia business and I am unable to spend as much time with my family as she would have preferred. From this moment on, I will spend every waking moment with my dearest Aurora. I will never leave her side. She suffers from bouts of dementia quite frequently and refuses to acknowledge the blackouts associated with such events." Aurora began to cry more tears of joy and she stood up in the courtroom. "Oh dearest Rourkey, YOU are the man of my dreams. I wish for no other man but you. Any feelings for Brian I might have exhibited were merely a facade. I have trouble letting myself fall in love, but with you, Rourkey, it just came so easily. Much like I came so easily last night when you were pumping away at me for several hours (heyoooo). After finding out that Brian was not a true Rourke at all, I am happy that you murdered him. I only wish that I could have been there to desecrate the corpse. Rourkey stood up to address Thomas one final time. "Thomas, my brother, my best friend, my bro-soulmate, you know where I stand. I have never betrayed this family unlike the traitor Brian 'Judas' 'Rourke.' I move that the entire case against me be thrown out posthaste." |
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| Reply by: RourkeyRourke at Dec 15, '08 11:48 | |
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