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I Just Got Tax Started by: Drunky on Oct 14, '13 16:02

Drunky was walking to his local banking establishment for a chat with his friendly teller. His bank balance had been rather erratic lately, ever since buying this headquarters. More money was coming in, but more money was coming out.

And that's exactly why he was headed to the bank with his flask full of whiskey. Nothing too special, just some old coot's Kentucky moonshine. Honestly, Drunky was so wasted when he bought it that he was unlikely to be able to find the old distillery again anyway.

When he arrived at the bank, hoping to pull out a pittance from overnight donations, he simply asked the teller for "all of it."


Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't think that will be possible today. We don't store that much in our vaults. We can, of course, send for our other branches, but this will take a short time.

Huh? What are you talking about? Drunky was wondering whether this moonshine wasn't better than he expected.

Sir your current balance is seventeen million dollars. Our vault holds no more than two million dollars at any given time. Please be patient if you want more than that.

Frank struggled not to be surprised by the revelation, and hid his excitement by taking a swig of his whiskey. That put an appropriately sour expression on his face. Well, in that case ma'am, just give me $500,000 in cash and I'll be on my way. No need to empty the vault.

The teller returned promptly with a heavy laden bag of cash, and Drunky took it without making a scene. As he stepped out into the streets, however, his mood brightened. This was the largest overnight donation he'd received to date, and he just had to burst into song.
 

Sometimes somethin' beautiful happens
In this world
You don't know how to express yourself
So you just gotta sing

I just got tax... and it felt so good
(Felt so good)
A crewman let me take my money right from her!
I just got tax... and I'll never go back
(Never go back)
To the not-getting-paid ways of the past

Have you ever had tax? I have, it felt great
It felt so good when I got all of that money
A girl let me do it, it literally just happen
Gettin' tax can make a nice man out the meanest

Never guess where I just came from, I got tax
If I had to describe the feeling, it was the best
When I had the tax, man, my balance felt great
And I called my tellers right after I was done

Oh, hey, didn't see you there, guess what I did?
Had tax, high rates, saw her balance and the rest
Was sure nice of her to let me do that thing
Nicest of any girl ever -- now sing!

I just got tax... and it felt so good
(Felt so good)
A crewman let me take my money right from her!
I want to tell the world

To be honest, I'm surprised she even paid to me to house her
Doesn't even really make sense, but man, screw it
I ain't one to argue with a good thing -- she could be my hand
That good? The best million bucks of my life!

I'm so humbled by my crew's ability to let me tax'm
'Cause honestly, I'd try to tax a pile of manure
With that in mind, a rich, nice-earnin' crew's better
Plus they let me wear my chain with my turtle-neck sweater

SO this one's dedicated to them guys
That let us tax them all up to their ears
If you're near or far, whether short or tall
We want to thank you all for letting us fuck you

I don't think I earned a lot
Doesn't matter, pay up!
But I wasn't even here
Doesn't matter, pay up!
I thought you said it was OK
Doesn't matter, pay up!
I don't have any money
STILL PAY!

I just got tax... and my dreams came true
(Dreams came true)
So if you got tax in the last thirty minutes
then you're qualified to sing with me

I just got tax
(Everybody sing!)
And it felt so good
(felt so good)
A crewman let me take my money right from her!
I want to tell the world
I just got tax... and I'll never go back
To the not-getting-paid ways of the past


A few people were staring at Frank at this point, but no matter. The song had lasted as long as his walk to the headquarters, where he maintained his own private vault. He slipped inside and out of view before anyone got any bright ideas about his money, then came back outside. The pleasant tune still on his lips, he whistled a bit as he walked aimlessly with his whiskey.

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Drogan just happened to be in the area after buying His favorite brand of tobacco, and happened upon Drunky singing His song, after watching Him stumble into the HQ with a large bag, most likely full of money. As Drunky reappeared, whistling in His happy go lucky mood, a gust of wind seemed to come out of nowhere, whipping garbage and flyers in small tornadoes before sending them flying down the street.

Drunky had just taken another drink of whiskey, when a huge banner floating mid air seemed to wrap around Him like a blanket. Drogan could just barely make out what it said, as it was covered in what looked like yesterday's dinner, stuck solid after a night or two in the speakeasy's dumpster.

TURNCOATS WELCOME -- NO TAXES!

Drogan could barely contain His laughter at the irony as Drunky attempted to extracate Himself from the puke-stained banner.

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BEST. STREET. POST. EVER.

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Drunky notices that he's trailing a banner, and this time he doesn't mean TP. What the hell, how did this get out? Pah. Back to the dumpster with that. I still won't be tallying things up as they go along, but like hell I'm going to let those slackers get away with not paying me. I do so much for them, after all. You would think they'd be saying thank you.

Just that moment as he is pondering the banner, Drunky sees a very confused, very Victorian-looking gaunt man standing in front of a lamppost. Frank isn't quite sure, but he thinks the gaunt man just complimented the gaslight.

Holy cripes, I thought I had problems.

Drunky walks over across the street and walks down the opposite sidewalk. The now-forgotten banner slips off onto the street and a few passing cars run over it until the words are indistinguishable.

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tony chuckles to himself as he puffs on a cigarette as he rests upon a nearby lamp post as the drunk man dances and sings. 

 

I think I shall dub this song like communication as "hip-hop" and will from now on put the words "izzle" and "dizzle" on words to make them sound more interesting! 

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looks at drunky, sees his wallet missing

"that wasn't tax, that was your bar tab"

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