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| The lion, the witch, and Awesome | Started by: Awesome on Dec 16, '08 13:02 |
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Awesome liked animals. In fact, he loved them. Especially the big and scary animals that could rip off your face and rip open your belly. Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh, my! So there he was. At the zoo. To see the animals. It was also a sunny day. Awesome liked sunny days. They cheered him up. He doesn't know why. But that didn't matter. What matters is that they did, and that he was. So he trotted along, through the zoo, with a smile on his face, and a camera in his hand. To take photos of the big and scary animals that could rip off your face and rip open your belly. Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh, my! He was also hoping that a child might fall in with one of these vicious animals. 'Twould be a good thing to see and an even better thing of which to take a photo. "ROAR!" The sound startled Awesome. He turned to from whence it came. And from whence it came was big and scary. 'Twas a lion. Oh, my! Luckily for Awesome, it was behind a big glass window. It couldn't attack him. He prayed to Squishy in thanks for not having killed him, and sauntered over to the beast. It looked at him, and he at it. The lion knelt down to his knees. It looked as if he were bowing to Awesome. Which is unsurprising, after all, him being awesome, and stuff. Animals know this. They're awareness is not clouded by the misfortune of an ego like such rational beings as men. But one day they, too, will know. And they will bow. Oh, yes. They will and will. "I see the lion likes ya, my pre'y?" The voice rasped from over Awesome's shoulder. Then the voice travelled around and to his front. And with it came a person. A person of the female persuasion. Albeit not one of much femininity. She looked kind of ugly, if truth be told, and it certainly will be. A big wart on a long nose. Rough and tangled grey-black hair. A tinge of green in the skin. And a terrible outfit. In one hand she held a broomstick. Yeah, she looked scary. But Awesome wasn't scared of anything. Except big and scary animals that could rip off your face and rip open your belly. Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh, my! But she was none of these. So he wasn't scared. "Right... so who are you and what do you want?" Awesome said to her menacingly. It was quite uncharacteristic of him. He's usually really friendly, even whilst shooting someone in the face or setting them on fire. He's a friendly guy. But he said this menacingly because he didn't want to look weak and timid in front of the lion. He was trying to impress the king of the jungle, it seemed. "Who, me? I'm jus' the jani'or. I's ma job ta sweep an' clean tha place. Sweep, sweep, sweep." She started to sweep. "Bu' i' won' be fa long. Jus' as soon as ma potion is done, I'm gonna get maself ou'a here an' on'a tha ca'walk, ya know? I'll be as pre'y as anyfing. Jus' ya see!" Awesome didn't like the way she spoke. It was very irritating. So he decided to do what he always does to those whose voice irritates him. He decided to kill her. Plain and simple. He was certainly a no nonsense kind of guy. "You know, I am so awesome, I reckon I could wrestle that lion and beat it. I'll even bet you $1,000 on it. Care to take me up on the offer? Again, he said this with none of his usual personality. He was trying to be big and scary like the lion. So he had to act normal. No quirky peculiarities, or anything. The janitor thought for a moment. An evil smile spread across her face. She walked over to the door which led into the lion pen, unlocked it, opened it, and beckoned for Awesome to enter. "Ya've go' yaself a deal, ma son. Come on, nice an' quick, here." Awesome paused for a second. Then walked over to her. He looked her up and down. Shook his head in amazement. Then grabbed her arm with force, turned her about, pushed her into the pen, and shut the door behind him. Then he locked it, went over to the glass window, and started taking photos. Of the woman. And the lion. Which was eating her face. Ripping it off. And then eating her belly. Ripping it open. See, they do actually do that. Those big and scary animals. Lions, and tigers, and bears. Oh, my! |
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| Excellent work sir. It seems you have a verbal talent for telling stories. Perhaps another? | |
| Reply by: Ares at Dec 16, '08 20:17 | |
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Why, of course: "It was a dark and stormy night. The ship was sinking, and the captain said "tell me a story", and so I began: "It was a dark and stormy night. The ship was sinking, and the captain said "tell me a story", and so I began: "It was a dark and stormy night. The ship was sinking, and the captain said "tell me a story", and so I began: "It was a dark and stormy night. The ship was sinking, and the captain said "tell me a story", and so I began: "It was a dark and stormy night. The ship was sinking, and the captain said "tell me a story", and so I began...""""" etc. ad infinitum. |
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| Reply by: Awesome at Dec 16, '08 20:21 | |
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