Sexecutioner arrives at an abandoned catering hall and enters the room. Seated at a large table in the center of the room are the Left Hand Men and Women of the American Cosa Nostra. Sexecutioner stands before them and addresses the group as the smell of booze, cigar smoke, and Sexecutioner's hand fills the room.

Friends, as you can see, I have been given this fancy suit as a gift by my Boss. Notice the pinstripes slant to the left, much like yours do. I have called you all here today because I feel the time has come to unionize. I am hoping you join me in this endeavor.

Historically, the position of Left Hand Man has signified a counselor or consigliere to a Mafia leader. It was a position that carried a lot of weight in a crime family and warranted respect. Nowadays it seems the position has been devolved, riddled with menial tasks and administrative duties, if even that. We have become glorified secretaries. Just the other day, my boss sent me on a coffee run for the crew back in the HQ. What am I, a goomba? I'm a Left Hand Man for f's sake! It's demeaning and embarrassing. And mind you, it's not like I work for some run-of-the-muck crewleader... I report to a Godfather! Not even one of the shitty ones either, but the great Godfather Anomoly! I've grown tired of this and decided to form a union exclusive to the LHMs of our communities. You are all welcome to join, as well as to air your grievances, mis-treatments, or more importantly your own visions or views of what the LHM position means to your family and to the Mafia in general. What separates you from the other non-slanted peons of our community? I am eager to hear from you, and eager to work with you so that together we can bring honor back to this once prestigious position.

Union dues will be collected weekly, made payable to me. We will all be equal in this union, with the obvious exception being me as Union Boss. Perhaps someday we will hold elections, with the votes being both collected and counted by me. And if this union doesn't pick up any members, that's just fine by me too. I've already been naturally endowed with a giant member that will knock any lady in this mafia out of their rubber granny panties.

Union Boss Sexecutioner takes a seat and offers up the floor to the Left Hand Men and Women of the Mafia underworld to speak and share their thoughts.

Admiral was walking down the street as he spotted Sexecutioner preparing for a speech, I would like to add that he was looking quite sexy. After hearing him out Admiral prepared his reply and cleared his throat.

I have been the LHM of Scott-Weiland for the past month or so and have received nothing else but respect. Not only from my Crew leader or RHM but also from member's within the crew. Yes, we work hard..but what did you think becoming a LHM! For mafioso like us sitting on the left hand seat it is also a step before you could even consider running a joint of your own.

So what's my point..It's true that you have to work a lot and yes, also the shitty jobs. But that's what you accepted as LHM.. If you wan't to climb up this ladder in this thing of ours this is nothing else then an other step in your adventure in this thing of ours. Also..

'If you recent it, don't accept it..if you accept it, don't recent it'..

Admiral stepped of the soap box and waited for other's to reply ..

To start off explaining what my my role is within my syndicate is 'education & recruitment'. There is a reason that I have been placed from crew to crew as I am known as a good sponsor and a hard worker. As a LHM I know my members and am the one that pulled a lot of em in. I love teaching those fresh of the boat players the ins and outs of this thing of ours and helping them up the ranking ladder. 

Some sub-duties, you may call shitty jobs are for me an other part of the job that I enjoy doing. The way I see setting up events, working out an earnings report or chatting about MR with the new members is all linked back to those new players. I think these jobs help motivate the crew and keeps it alive and happy! 

This vision I created has been forged over time as I also came fresh to these shores years ago. Every time I got a boost when I saw I hit 1# on the earnings report or receiving lovely mails as I became a Made Man. That's why I try and grant new mobsters this 'boost' .. this 'feeling' and I enjoy doing so!

Admiral lights a cigar and waits ..

Blaise arrived to the abandoned catering hall and saw Sexecutioner had already started speaking. Shaking her head, she walked towards the group of people and she made a note to fire her driver for making her late. She could have done a better job driving herself.

Hmm...a union you say? I'm not sure, but for some reason any time I hear someone taking up a collection for something, I think about how my money could possibly end up in a poker game, and I'll never see that money again.

Blaise thought briefly about the time she found out her and other people's donations to the orphanage ended up being used in a poker game. She suppressed a smile as she remembered the cards flying up in the air as everyone ducked for cover from the bullets...

What would the fees be used for, I may ask?

Blaise took a few steps forward so she be closer to the group of people.

I don't think our leaders are too much to blame for Left Hands being treated like glorified secretaries. I had this conversation actually with my Boss a month or so after I accepted the LHW position for the family. It was after I got him some coffee, of course. You can't have any sort of conversation with Ares before he's had his coffee...and not just any coffee. It's not a coincidence that Hayley and I both have businesses catering to the coffee and sweets-eating crowd. But I digress...

She paused briefly., hoping that she didn't ruin the point of her speech by rambling on aimlessly

Ares wanted me to do a number of tasks, and I unfortunately had to tell him that I was unable to do or see what he saw because...all I could do was send mails. I said, "Boss, I feel like a glorified secretary," and he even agreed that it pretty much sucked. But what can the leaders do if this is part of the grand design?

On the other hand, just because the LH position doesn't come with as much bells and whistles as the RH position does, doesn't mean we can't put in the work. I contribute my thoughts and ideas to both the RHW and my crewleader, and do as much of the legwork as I can so it's easier to put into action. That requires having a good relationship with the members, so they can be placed in positions where they excel and get that needed confidence boost. I believe that I am more than an advisor, because I help put things in action. Whereas an advisor/counselor merely observes, but doesn't get too involved in things.

What separates me from the other non-slanted peons of our community? Eh - according to some people, if you aren't a Godfather/Godmother and are not a RH/LH to one then you're a peon. But anyway, I believe that I am creative, outspoken, and passionate about my beliefs, Oh and I'm a good businesswoman.

Okay, I need to sit down...these heels may look great, but they don't always feel great.

Blaise saw an empty chair and sat down with a sigh of relief

We're in a catering hall, and yet there is no food. What sort of mockery is this, Sexecutioner?

I've always thought of myself as the best LHM in the world. I've got the skills needed to play that position. I'm not afraid to go get my boss his coffee, he deserves it and if I have to dodge a few bullets doing so then that's fine by me, that coffee will still get to the boss even if I have to crawl.

Though seriously, the LHM of a Godfather? I'm not sure what they do, maybe third lookout? Though in a Don family the LHM has three major duties  in my eyes...

1. Waking everyone up making sure they get their day to day duties completed. (Crew Chat activity)

2. Standing around the local taverns looking for potential new recruits. (Organising the sponsers and making sure that there is new recruits joining.)

3. A third opinion, when the boss and the RHM don't agree that's when a third opinion is needed.

Any crewleader who doesn't take advantage of each of their members strengths and weaknesses won't last a minute around here and just giving someone that LHM position because they think that person will look nice wearing it is a complete fool.

Stan had managed to slip outta the HQ he knew it wouldnt be long before he was missed Alabama or Zmeika would again have some task for him to do be it getting the coffee or making sure the toilet seat was down. Sexecutioner had mentioned this union to him and Stan had jumped at the chance to join he had wired his $10 fee to Sexecutioner with the promise that the funds would be wasted on Hookers,Drugs and booze not spent on anything like to better the work conditions of the LHM or ease our plight.

Sexecutioner i feel your pain my brother if i am not getting coffee for the crew i am used to polish Alabamas Tuba not just an ordinary tuba this is a TUBA in capital letters and underlined, Just last night Zmeika and Alabama strapped me to the...........the.........bed and...and Chokes I cant talk about.

"The position of Consigliere has always been attractive to me. Wise, dependable, honest. Attributes I have always admired."

Fisk rearranged the laundry perched neatly over his arm, placed down the coffee and fresh pastry on a nearby mailbox and swapped the box containing the finest in Italian footwear, so it sat under his other arm.

"Left Hand Man is a position of pride and achievement. Clearly you have been noticed for your talents and commitment, should you find yourself in the role."

Straightening his hat, Fisk flashed a smile before gathering the various items once more.

"Now, I better go, coffee is getting cold"

Ah yes, this is the place, thinks Wychwood as he stands outside the wooden clad catering hall on Breezy street. The hand written sign on the door was a bit of a giveaway;

LHM UNION MEETING IN PROGRESS

MEMBERSHIP FEES PAYABLE AT THE DOOR

Sexecutioner

He turns and smiles at his female companion as he slides a hundred dollar bill down her generous and delightfully exposed cleavage saying;

Go buy yourself something nice blue eyes, I`ll see you at the usual place later.

She whispers something in his ear which he finds amusing and turns to leave as he responds by cupping his hand between her tightly constrained buttocks, teasingly releasing her as he makes his way into the room.

A young Goomba sits silently inside the entrance and hesitantly rattles a small wooden box in front of him. Wychwood obliges by dropping several coins into the box, the noise of which attracts the attention of Sexecutioner who bellows;

Who is that? Who are you? This isn`t a general meeting you know.

Indeed not..... says Wychwood as he exposes his recently tailored suit proclaiming his position for the gathered ensemble to see.

The Sexecutioner nods as Wychwood takes his seat at the table and acknowledges all present before removing an unfiltered Russian Sobranie from it`s packet, lighting it and inhaling deeply.

Sexecutioner coughs loudly, remarking...........That cigarette smells like horse shit baking!

Wychwood smiles as he replies.........Ah, that`s good then, I had thought they were cheap imitations.........nice assless chaps by the way.

Sexecutioner nods, as the remainder of the gathering lean back in their chairs and check out the leather clad lower garment of the meetings organiser.

Well, if I`m honest, I agree with most of what`s been said here. The duties of a LHM can be many things varying from what appears to be mundane, to maintaining the presence of a crew in the absence of their superiors. As for having a defined role within this thing of ours, well that`s for discussion, and ultimately up to the Gods as to whether any changes are deemed appropriate. Love those heels by the way Blaise.

It`s a given with regard to the two most senior positions within any crew. Their roles and extent of control are quite apparent, whereas those of a LHM are more of a diluted version of various aspects of theirs.

I would personally like to see a more defining set of controls and duties applied to the role of LHM. Afterall, it is through determination, hard work, contacts, and the ability to communicate which contribute to the many facets of an appointed CL or RHM. I believe similar traits are sought when appointing a LHM.

If, as has been mentioned already, in years gone by the role was more that of advisor, then that advice should warrant a controlling action.

More coffee anyone?

Wychwood takes his seat, asking.......Where are all the fucking ashtrays in this place anyhow?

Fisk returned from his duties and wandered back to the spot he saw Sexecutioner previously. He scowled and furiously tried to scrub out the dark coffee stain from his crisp, cotton shirt. He cursed under his breath about dry cleaning and errands, before returning his attention to locating the Union Leader.

He saw Wychwood vanish into a nearby doorway and stepped quickly towards it, fingering around in his pockets for a 10 bill. 

Sexecutioner, I am  not a hand, but I am, nonetheless, doing a good job of work.

Can I join your union?