As Head of Publicity for the Purring Penquins, one of my duties is to portray us as a group of caring, loving individuals.  Yes, it is widely reputed that we are involved in organised crime, and yes, it is widely thought that our Dear Leader has, over the years, been involved in much bloodletting and other derring do.

But, here and now, we are extending the hard of friendship, understanding and empathy to the socially awkward.

Symptoms of social awkwardness can be varied.  Have you ever had difficulties forming relationships, and then find yourself wiping out an entire city in anger?  Yes, then contact me.

Do you find it arousing to murder someone?  Yes?  Then contact me.

Do you have a hobby that others find amusing?  Yes?  Then contact me,

Have you been called a dork and wondered what maritime creatures have to do with you?  Yes?  Then contact me.

Have you had sex with most of your associates?  Yes?  Then you are probably doing alright and don't need to contact me.

Send me your concerns about being socially awkward, then will be dealt anonymously and, redacted, reprinted here with my advice.

You might have concerns about a friend, enemy or associate.  Send me the concern about them, and it will be similarly dealt with anonymously.

Just a quick question. What if I have, say a friend, yessssss, a friend, who suffers from all of these? Is said person a lost cause? Should I just end it all know, I mean, should he/she/it end it all now, or can you work your magic in the most severe cases? Also, I should mention that this person suffers from severe cognitive problems where as he thinks that he is a provocative shape, rather than a human being,  and seems to suffer from restrictions in their short term memory capacity.

Mr Object, your friend is not a lost cause, virtually nobody is.

Tell me when you last saw this person and what symptoms they exhibited?