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| Awesome gets to shoot someone in the face | Started by: Awesome on Dec 18, '08 10:59 |
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Awesome had been requested to undertake a very important mission. And by very important, I mean very very important. This mission was so important that if he failed, he would be shot in the face, and if he succeeded, he would be given lots of money. And by lots of money, I mean lots and lots of money. This mission involved shooting someone in the face. And disposing of the body. Which meant he gets to set it on fire. Yes, he was being paid to do the two things he loved most in this world. The only problem is that the target was not a child. But, you can't have everything. And neither can Awesome. For now. I feel lucky, oh so lucky! I feel lucky, and plucky, and bright! He sang. And it was good. He had the voice of an angel. Today I get to shoot someone in the face and then set her on fire! It's like Christmas! Right, what do I need? Cloak? Check. Hat? Check. Shoes? Check. Shooting thing? Check. Matches? Check. An orange? Check. Excellent! We are ready for action. Awesome left his room and heads outside. Once there, he got in his car and drove to the docks. It was night-time. The best time for killing people. There are less people around to see. He wasn't stupid, after all. When he reached the specified location, he got out from his car, loaded his gun, and started skulking. He was quiet and careful. Which was very unlike him. But for him to be very like him would not be good. At least, not here. Contrary to popular belief, being awesome is actually detrimental to the act of trying to kill someone. The awesome gets in the way, see? True story. Come out, come out, wherever you are... He never knew why it was that gangsters always seemed to conduct their business in the docks. But he preferred it that they do. Allows for him to know the most likely place for gangsters to meet and be shot in the face and set on fire. Suddenly, he heard a sound. He paused and listened. It was the sound of crying. Curious, he headed its way. On and on he followed. Until he saw from whence it came. It was a child. Butterflies filled his stomach. A child. On her own. At night. Sitting on the edge of the docks. Below her lay nothing but empty sea. And nothing for which to keep herself afloat. He couldn't resist. He had to. It had been his life-long dream to watch a child fall into the sea and not return. So he went for it. Excuse me, little girl, but what is the matter? The girl jumped up in shock. She looked scared. Which is reasonable. She was all alone, at night, and a strange man holding a gun had appeared from behind her. Ummm... Ummm... Nothing. I just can't find my mummy. She said between sobs. Oh, is that so. Well, I think I might know where to find your mummy. Here, come with me. I promise I won't hurt you. He, obviously, lied. He stepped closer to her. She hesitated. Then let her guard down. And Awesome struck. A push into the chest, and down she went. Down and down and down into the sea. She hit the water with a satisfying splash. Awesome laughed. He removed from his Pocket of Awesomeness his camera, and began to take photos. Ahhh... and curiosity killed the mouse. He he he. After the splashing had stopped and the water had grown still, Awesome returned the camera and began his skulking once more. Oh, my God! My daughter! What have you done?!" The voice came from across the way. No doubt the woman, for it was indeed the voice of a woman, had seen the event from afar. Awesome wondered. Was this the woman whom he was sent to kill? So he asked her. But not so bluntly, of course. Hey! Are you Mrs. Jacobs? She paused, taken back by the tangential slash of his question. What? Yes. I mean, what the fuck did you do? You killed my daughter! Oh, my God! You're a monster! Awesome had heard all he needed to hear. He raised his gun, aimed, and shot. Through her face the bullet blew. And out the other side. Her body fell. Hard. How awesome was that? BANG! Straight between the eyes. What an awesome shot. If this were a film, that image would have been replayed over and over and over again at the cinemas. Oh, yes, it would. Anyway. Awesome approached the corpse and looked it up and down. Smiling, he removed from his Pocket of Awesomeness a box of matches, and lighting one, he carefully applied the flame to her clothing. And then another. And then another. Soon, her entire body had erupted into flames. Awesome sat cross-legged on the floor beside it, his hands outstretched to keep them warm. Suddenly, he remembered something. Again reaching into his capitalized Pocket, he removed from it a packet of marshmallows and a stick. Impaling a few onto the stick, he roasted those marshmallows on the flames, and ate. And he was satisfied. |
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| my god | |
| Reply by: Sam-The-Man at Dec 18, '08 11:09 | |
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| Your God?....YOUR GOD?! What makes him YOUR God? Why even bring him up. This is clearly a telling of Awesome's triumph over his conscience. What does your god have to do with it? | |
| Reply by: Ares at Dec 18, '08 21:45 | |
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| lol and Awsome your a MONSTER !! | |
| Reply by: DeathKnight at Dec 19, '08 04:45 | |
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| Wdf....That was some pretty weird stuff man lol! | |
| Reply by: The_Person at Dec 19, '08 08:32 | |
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| The last person you shot in the face was your Dad. You did this with ejaculate. | |
| Reply by: JohnnyAbdul at Dec 20, '08 07:42 | |
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I am highly insulted by this suggestion, and demand that you rescind it forthwith. And I would like to categorically state that I have never shot my dad in the face with ejaculate, am not shooting my dad in the face with ejaculate, and will not shoot my dad in the face with ejaculate. Again, I am highly insulted and demand that JohnnyAbdul and his lineage be forbidden from entering our shores again, for the rest of time, and for ever more. |
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| Reply by: Awesome at Dec 20, '08 08:18 | |
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| It is true son, do not lie to all these people. You did plaster my face with your electrolytes. | |
| Reply by: YourDad at Dec 20, '08 09:18 | |
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