"Now that the most celebrated Holidays within the US approach us there will be many conversations regarding them, many ornaments and spectacles to be hung throughout the streets. While I have witnessed many humorous things these past few days it put me in the Holiday spirit non-the-less. From Tylers attacks with his huge army of henchman, to the still wanted "Invisible Trigger Monkey," down to Shaft flashing his shining pistol in the streets, it surely brings out the season in all of us. With all this going on I feel sad, sad that Wiggle has yet to contribute to the spectacle. I must change this, so I shall share with you my own Poem to celebrate these wonderful days ahead."

Twas a Night Before Christmas - The Mafia Way

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the streets
Not a creature was stirring, not even a BackToShootPeeps.
Sexecutioner is hung like a chimney but no one showed care,
His hopes that Miss St Nicholas soon would be there.

Absolute and Viene were nestled all snug in their bed,
While visions of Anomaly nude danced in their heads.
And LadyFighter in her ‘kerchief, and I taking a crap,
Had just settled our brains after taking a nap.

When out in the yard there arose such a laughter,
I sprang from the pot to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Then suddenly I realized I forgot to whip my ass.

The moon shined bright of the new-fallen snow
Gave the illusion of Condemned smoking a bowl.
When, all of a sudden crazy shit seemed to appear,
But a big ass sleigh filled with marijuana and beer.

With a little old driver, so lively and fast,
I knew in a moment it must be my dealer Corky's fine ass.
Quicker then rabbits humpin' on she came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called me by name!

"Now Wiggle! now, Wiggle! now, Wiggle and Wiggle!
Get your ass down here and show me that Jiggle!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Out the window you climb! Dash away! Dash away fall!"

 

Suddenly someone interrupts Wiggle's poetry

"Ummm that's isn't how it goes!"

"I don't know what your talking about, I was there ok? So I shall continue."

As dry leaves in my lawn in a pile they lie,
The caught my leap from the window as I fell from the sky.
So up to the house-top I saw Tylers crew,
Staring at the sleigh full of Drugs, and Corky too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
Gunshots, yelling and the sounds of a hoof.
As I drew out my gun, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Tyler came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A shotgun he pulled out that he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a virgin, his first time in the sack.
 

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
I fired a bullet into his face now he layed in the snow.

The stump of a neck that held his head with no teeth,
Was a bit messy so I covered it with a wreath.
He once had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

"I refuse to hear anymore of this rubbish I tell you!"

Smiling Wiggle then drops his poem to the ground.

"Well fine then, if it's not wanted then I shall go bake to my bakery. I have a lot of cookie to make. In the meantime if you feel like you can create a better rendition I'm all ears. As a matter of fact let's do this. If any one of you feel you have the creativity or the desire to do so, I shall reward you for your time put into it. How about this I shall hold a contest."

People walking away then got curious and turned around.

"You have from now until Thanksgiving day to share your own holiday poem. I'll get to be the judge along with a Crew Leader outside of my current city and the winner shall receive 10 credits to spend as they wish. You know those little things that you get to use in the coke machines? Yeah those. So my critics and fans alike. Put your thinking caps on and show me what you got." 

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through MR
Not a mobster was stirring, not even south-paw.
Tommy guns are hung above the chimney with care,
In hopes that a war is no where near.

Worley and Smith were spooning all snug in their bed,
While visions of last night’s sex danced in their heads.
And Zakk Wylde strumming his axe like a champ,
Had just blown a fuse in his new Peavey amp.

When out in the yard there erupted such a clatter,
I put down the bong to see what was the matter.
On to the backyard I ran in a flash,
That’s when I looked down and seen I had no pants.

The stars are bright; shining in the sky
gave enough illumination to see Ziva stroll by.
She was dressed in silk and sequins, I’ll let you imagine the rest
Nylons and high heels and yes big breasts.

With candy canes and presents she began to deliver,
I knew at that moment why exactly I began to quiver.
In her dress she was lovely like a beautiful summers night,
She gave me a wink, then a flash, then took to flight

She flew higher and higher and higher she went
she looked down at Zakk who was starting to squint.
She flew here and there and all about town,

And that’s when we noticed our friend Joker had been put in the ground.

Wiggle listens to the entry, when finished he stands up to applaud.

"Outstanding work. Thank you very much for your entry. I would also like to mention that any holiday poem may be used in rendition. If I do not recognize it then I will contact you directly to verify. You are also allotted more then one entry. Look forward in hearing from those wanting to participate!"

The dapper Don from Staten Island stood on a soapbox, cleared his throat and recited a joyful Christmas poem.

Remy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our HQ Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Absolute, we believe!

Remy had been drinking too much hooch,
And we'd begged him not to go.
But he left his wallet at a strip club
So he staggered out the door into the snow.

When we found Remy Christmas morning,
At the scene of the attack
He had lipstick on his neck,
And claw marks on his back.

We're not so proud of Remy's bodyguards,
They didn't protect him so well.
They didn't do anything at all.
I'm going to shoot them all and send them to hell.

It's not Christmas without Remy.
The family wants invade the North Pole and attack.
But Absolute just gets stoned and asks,
Should we open up Remy's gifts or send them back?

Thank you too the two that participated! 

Great entries and I will be reviewing them this evening alongside another individual to assist me in selecting a winner. Depending on how busy I am, you will receive your wonderful reward either tonight or first thing tomorrow. Thanks again for taking the time to work on it.