It was impossible not to notice the big sign above the entrance:

YODO - YOU ONLY DIE ONCE.

Some things are so hard to express in public, so you simply suppress them until you're home all alone and drunk before venting those feelings.
Perhaps you crawl up under the kitchen table in the fetus position, listening, and maybe even sing along, to "My heart will go on" with Celine Dion while weeping.


Remember:

Every life, great or humble, leaves it's mark. In the deeds and the contributions you make.
No matter who you are and what you have accomplished you leave a legacy and that is worth remembering.

That's why we have created the Good Mourning Inc.
Our competent staff will help you with the mourning that Is loud enough, tearful enough, crowded and intense enough in order to perfectly expresses your legacy.
We will mourn and cry for or/and instead of you, so that the proper feelings are shown and letting the deceased know that they are important to you.

It will be beautiful enough to make you live relatives and friends want to have one for their own funeral.
Your legacy deserves a Good Mourning.


Our most sought after mourning package includes:

- An unique hearse, designed to match the personality of the deceased.
- Accompanied by at least six loud male and six sobbing female mourners.
- if you don't have any family members, our staff will provide a father, a mother and two siblings. 

All of this will be lead by a clergy that represents your faith and escorted by the local police force, all the way from the church to the funeral parlor.

So come in and let us give your life a classy end instead of you dying anonymously and being recycled without no one ever knowing about you.
Money is not a problem, our mourning packages cover any budget.

Jenny glanced at the flyer in the the window as she passed by and grinned.

The old Russian man couldn't help but smiling at the sight he just had seen.

"- All roads lead to Rome, eventually all of us will all end up six feet under darling..."

He finished organizing the previous day's orders and the Do-List for the current week before turning off the lights, and close for the night.

- "Home is where the corpses are. This city has a lot of potential, the smell of blood still lingers in the air, I can sense it."
 

Bodie had just gotten done reading the flyer for YODO and was very intrigued. He had been to some funerals recently and noticed that they were entirely devoid of any pomp and/or circumstance. 

"Hey Emeritus, I gotta say I love this idea. I was at a funeral yesterday and there was only one relative there...they were barely even crying. Fuck that!"

"I am interested in your services for sure but just have a question. Is there a sliding scale for how 'sad' my hired family members can be?. I mean I want inconsolable, like snot pouring down the face sad....Also, I want a puppy to be there. Everyone loves those right?"

Ah my good sir, those questions, and many more, have been thought of when we decided to provide this service for the public.

Our goal is to provide a very detailed and custom made package, to each and everyone of our clients.
Every detail can be modified to perfectly suit your wishes...

Do you want a certain ethnicity or a certain percentage of multiple ethnicities presented at the service? No problem we will provide those.
A certain age, social class, the dress code? No problem at all.
The certain amount of female and male grievers? 
You want light sobbing or hardcore sobbing which also includes fainting and throwing themselves at the corpse? Consider it done.

At every funeral there are always certain personalities standing out, a drunk uncle? A secretly gay cousin? A mother that passes out? we provide those if requested.
Secret mistresses that meet each other and your wife for the first time? You can count on us.

These are only a few examples of what we are willing to provide for our clients in order to make that leap as memorable as possible.
So my good sir, have I succeeded in making you interested in such a service?

Bodie listens to Emiritus as he answers his questions.

Thank you for the clarification Emiritus. I love that there are so many options to choose from. I was thinking that I would like mourners to be from all different types of ethnicities...like those stock photos in text books. If I buy a package with that you think you could throw in the drunk uncle for a discount?

The client is always right my good sir, and as we are loyal to that saying, we are also committed to make sure that your wishes are carried out as detailed as possible.

Perhaps this is what you have in mind... 

Hands over a brochure to Bodie 

Our Philanthropy package, also called the Rainbow Package.
Very popular among our client who are on the left side on the political scale.
In order to make the service even more memorable, some of or clients have also taken plus addition to this package.

It includes a small gathering after the service, and it's what we'd call festive in nature.
It includes a dinner with the meal chosen by the client and prepared by the best cooks available alongside live music of course... all of this in the presence of the client where he/she is comfortably sleeping in their coffin, so that he or she can be joining us for the last time before their departure.

And regarding the drunken uncle, we do always include a drunken relative in such events for the ambiance.
You can't have a funeral ceremony without a drunken relative or unknown people showing up and claiming to be the so called secret lover. 

Bodie reads over the brochure. He is very impressed by how detailed the brochure is as well as the very nice pictures of recently departed clients. He is particularly impressed with the picture of the drunk uncle complete with urine stained pants....you could almost smell him.

Thanks again for the great customer service Emeritus. I will definitely be making purchase. As far as food is concerned I suppose you have to feed your guests, but I want it to be as bland as possible. I want one last reminder to all those I left behind that I am sorely disappointed in all of them. Especially AlexMoran. I was thinking that serving plain oatmeal would get this message across.