| Sep 23 - 17:20:02 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 |
| Hurt Feelings Inc. | Started by: SelectiveTourettes on Jan 02, '09 18:33 |
|
Selective Tourettes walks out of his brand new street front business.He straightens his tie and Stands the business display sign on the sidewalk.He looks around the streets at the massive amount of prospective clients and grins. Hello ladies and gents! I SelectiveTourettes come to you today to aid you with your hurt feelings.That is correct hurt feelings.Have you been killed needlessly,not allowed to run your mouth,have you shown dis-respect and gotten royally reemed by your family head? Then Hurt Feelings Inc. will come to your aid and it could not be simpler.Simply fill out our form and hand it to us and we will take care of all the rest.For a nominal fee of 25k we will take care of all your hurt feelings and leave you completely satisfied. SelectiveTourettes staples one of the Hurt Feelings Inc. complaint forms to the company sign. Hurt feelings Complaint Form: Date Time of hurtfulness _______________ Am/Pm A.Which ear were words of hurtfulness spoken into? LEFT/RIGHT/BOTH B.is there permanent feeling damage? YES/NO C.Did you require a tissue for the tears? YES/NO reasons for filing this complaint: (check beside corresponding description) 1.I am thin skinned 2.I am a pussy 3.I have womanlike hormones 4.I am a little light in the loafers 5.I am a little bitch 6.I am a crybaby 7.I want my mommy 8.My ass is easily hurt 9.All of the above Name of "REAL MAN" who hurt your sensitive little feelings: ____________________ We here at Hurt Feelings Inc.,take hurt feelings very seriously. If you don't have a mommy that can give you a hug and make it all better,please let us and your Crewleader know and we will supply a surrogate. if you need them,diapers,midol and a "blanky" can also be supplied. Name of little sissy filing report:_________________ Girly-like signature:_____________________ Real-Man signature:_______________________________ (person being accused) Crewleader's Name |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
|
She hears of a new business in town and goes to check it out. Her eyes scanning the form she grins and takes a copy. Finding a table at a nearby bistro she sits down and starts to fill it in while waiting for her waiter. Hurt feelings Complaint Form: Date: The Past 5 Years Time of hurtfulness All times of day A.Which ear were words of hurtfulness spoken into? Both B.is there permanent feeling damage? Yes C.Did you require a tissue for the tears? Yes reasons for filing this complaint: (check beside corresponding description) 3.I have womanlike hormones Name of "REAL MAN" who hurt your sensitive little feelings: SelectiveTourettes We here at Hurt Feelings Inc.,take hurt feelings very seriously. If you don't have a mommy that can give you a hug and make it all better,please let us and your Crewleader know and we will supply a surrogate. if you need them,diapers,midol and a "blanky" can also be supplied. Name of little sissy filing report: Angel Girly-like signature:Angel Real-Man signature:_______________________________ (person being accused) Crewleader: Prozac She orders herself a hot mug of coffee and a few pieces of toast to fill the void in her stomach, knowing that nothing can fill the void in her heart left by SelectiveTourettes and his abuse. After finishing her snack she walks over to the sign and affixes her filled in form for all to see. |
|
| Reply by: Angel at Jan 02, '09 23:56 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Drops to the group in helpless laughter after reading the obvious prank OMG thats the funniest thing i've read in a long time ST you've made my evening. If i could copy and paste this i would send it to all my friends lmfao |
|
| Reply by: bigdaddy184 at Jan 03, '09 00:06 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
SlectiveTourettes grabs the filled out form and heads inside to work on the new client's case.He reads it carefully and picks up the phone.He dials the direct line to Prozacs office.Once Prozac picks up he reads the complaint to him.After a brief discussion thye both agree about what to do.SelectiveTourettes hangs up and fills out the follow up report. Dear Angel- We here at Hurt Feelings Inc. have studied your complaint and have contacted your Crewleader Prozac.In a brief discussion with him,it was decided what to do for you. You say you have suffered abuse from this "SelectiveTourettes"fellow for 5 years now.That is a long time to take such abuse.We feel you actually enjoy it and are thinking of a lawsuit for false accusations.Also we have decided that after some study it is clear that yours and SelectiveTourettes bloodlines have known each other for MORE than 5 years.It is quite clear that you have softened in the last 5 for some reason. Verdict: It is deemed that SelectiveTourettes has in fact hurt your feelings and is in fact guilty of only minor penalties.Your 25k will be waved as a result.But......What SelectiveTourettes has done is quite minor abuse and it has been decided that you are to suck it up and stop acting all girly and shit. Yours truly SelectiveTourettes |
|
| Reply by: SelectiveTourettes at Jan 03, '09 20:55 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
KOOP approaches ST's business holding a briefcase. Unclasping it, he pulls from within a thick bundle of papers which he sets down to the complaints forms. KOOP's bundle of papers are almost identical to ST's in all but one respect, the real man's signature field is already filled in, the name "KingOfOnePercent(a.k.a Sprozza), written in flowing cursive. Sorry to intrude SelectiveTourettes, but I can envisage these being useful to you. |
|
| Reply by: KingOfOnePercent at Jan 04, '09 03:14 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| (Sigh @ not closing italics. I fucking hate this shit) | |
| Reply by: KingOfOnePercent at Jan 04, '09 03:15 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
decideing to one up KOOP, premmy drives up in a dump truck and also has papers dropped form the sky you might need these. |
|
| Reply by: PremmyThePoohBear at Jan 04, '09 07:25 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| SelectiveTourettes looks at the tons of complaint forms dumped at his business and grins.He whistles to Dadera and Dadera comes around in a huge loader and scoops up the forms and takes them around back for sorting and processing.Due to Premmy and KOOP's behaviour company stock has went up 10000% overnight. | |
| Reply by: SelectiveTourettes at Jan 04, '09 12:06 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| calls his accountant and invests in hurt feleings inc and becomes instant trillionare | |
| Reply by: PremmyThePoohBear at Jan 06, '09 05:44 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| SelectiveTourettes and Premmy take their wealth and go invade Panama.At the airport some asshatter mentions "conflict of interest" and is pistol whipped in the temple and gutted with a rock. | |
| Reply by: SelectiveTourettes at Jan 06, '09 12:54 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
Looks over the complaint form and writes at the bottom I'm generally a pretty sad panda. Can I just get a hug from one of the surrogates? Maybe a "good game" pat on the butt as well? |
|
| Reply by: PhatballzRourke at Jan 07, '09 08:57 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
|
All those with hurt feelings Don' leave them out in the open and they wont get hurt.................. Oh and you will still have your 25K in your pocket. |
|
| Reply by: Topher at Jan 07, '09 12:54 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
