Top Threads:


Honorable Mention. "A rash of Suicides and Retirings" by: Prozac. (7/10)


The Los Angeles Don did his part to try and put an end to those succumbing to the holiday blues by trying to get the members of the community, mostly those on three day suicide watch, to weigh in and shed some light. Many people gave their thoughts on suicide and retiring as a whole, and a lot of high profile members of the community made an appearance. Well done!


3. "Keep on Rourkin' in the Free World" by: ThomasRourke (7/10)


From last week's worst dressed... or worst thread... 'Keep on Rourkin' may be the Rourke Cinderella story thread. I'll give the man well written. As much as we all detest the wild and outrageous family tree, though, this New Year's celebration gave us all the makings of a good time: holidays, family, friends, love... but most importantly booze, closeted gays and sex with people's mothers. Keep on Rourkin' indeed.


2. "An Affair to Remember" by: Mirage. (8.6/10)


Who doesn't crave a love story that ends in bitter, tear wrenching heartache? Mirage gave us a reflection of her rendezvous with a self-proclaimed ladies' man, reminding us all that even the most hardened of mobsters can find a kindred spirit. It also gave us a sharp lesson that not all relationships in the Mafia come without a twist, like having to choose between the man you've spent a fort-night bedding or your family's Right Hand's life. She chose wisely, just by the by. Rourkey is a poor man's BrianRourke.


1. "Death at the bakery" by: Hayley. (9/10)


AMPMAGazine is a big fan of street activity, and are even greater fans of the art form known as 'RP'. Don Hayley of Chicago takes the top tier of the cake this week with this re-telling of events. Joined by a few of her most trusted associates, this business savvy lady gives a small insight into 'a day in the life' of a Don. Ding ding ding, we have a winner. Keep it up ladies and gents!


Terrible Threads:


3. "Wow Wow Wow wOw" by: Father_MacklePenny. (4.75/10)


Wow wow WOW my eyes hurt. Three, or four as I really couldn't tell, run on sentences was this man's introduction to the mob scene. He claims he's a man of the Church and then only moments later surprisingly drops an F-bomb. Pure class, Father. Pure class. Seems this man is actually a businessman, for he then advertises his 5k a pop blessings. Needless to say we weren't 'wow'ed.


2. "Frustration channel" by: Vinny_The_Snitch (3/10)


Seriously guy? I like complaining as much as the next person, but more thought definitely could have been put into this half-baked speech. On top of that he excluded anyone except the ranks of Gangster and Wiseguy from participating in the rant rabble. Prejudiced much? I would've much rather seen Acute's daily (read: boring) schedule than feast my eyes on this hatefest.


1. "happy newyear" by: Striker. (.5/10- if I were a heartless person I would've put '0', but there's something ticking in my chest.)


The New Year brought about several different celebrations all across the Seven Cities, even side-stepping their way onto OOC Avenue. However, in this case, it seems that the 'first' of the celebrations was also 'the worst'. Sorry to say, Striker, but you could've done better. As the first you need to wow and dazzle, or you sort of just get lost in the several billion other threads made afterwards.

Empire

Made Man - JimmyTheLionHeart
November 30 - December 31

Empire was a dependable soldier in JimmyTheLionHeart's family. However, his recent slip along the corridors of the SCICG Headquarters forced him into a coma for a week and his Boss made the hard decision to pull the plug. A member of the SCICG family who refused to be named for security purposes said that Empire walked over some banana peels left by Jimmy's pet dancing monkeys. Whether it be the monkeys, coma, insanity, herpes, rourkiness or just being Canadian, looks like Jimmy's family is living up to their name as a home for the socially incapacitated. Ol' Jimmy ought to be proud.

Happy_Halloween

Capo - Guardian
December 16 - December 31

Happy_Halloween was reported dead as the local police are still looking into the cause of his death, whether his death was similar to the demise of the late Flash-Fire or not. An initial report released by the police said that the growing frustration of not being able to count below 304 forced him to shoot himself is an angle that is yet to be looked into. Looks like it won't be a happy halloween for his son, Halloween. Better pick up that Math book of yours kiddo.

Awesome

Capo - MickeyRourke
December 11 - December 30

Ahh.. The epitome of awesomeness. Awesome had a bright life ahead of him in the the La Cosa Nostra as he worked his way up the ranks under MickeyRourke's family while gracing the streets with his awesome speeches, and a great editor with us, AMPMAG. But alas, it was just too awesome to be true, demands for his awesomeness from another world forced Awesome to make a hard decision. And that he did, an unawesome decision at that. Many mafiosi were heard expressing shock and disbelief over Awesome's final act which many thought to be uncharacteristic of him-unawesome to be exact. Nevertheless we will always remember Awesome for his wit, charm, shooting helpless people in the face and of course, his awesomeness. May he rest in peace.

And did I say he was awesome?

Flash-Fire

Made Man - Guardian
December 18 - December 30

Poor chap, his funeral elicited mixed emotions of both sympathy and mockery from his mourners. It has been reported that his bloodline suffered two successive gun malfunction. Talk about bad luck (insert big LOLZ for OOC). Rumor has it that Signore Flash-Fire was last seen cursing his gun and peeking into the hole when a loud gun fire was heard. However, another rumor has been circulating and gaining ground that his bloodline was cursed with the malicious "Sprozza disease". Tsk tsk tsk. But hey, they say third time's a charm so good luck Giovanni-Luciano!

Funk

Made Man - Guardian
November 3 - December 30

The mafia world has just become less funky with Funk's demise.

We took some time to chat with Muqtada, one of the most recent people to make crew leader, here is what happened:

Mafioso: What are your plans to revive New Orleans with SaintTonyCapone?

Muqtada: Right now we're still in the preliminary planning stages for what we'll do together to help this city come back to life. As far as the matter concerns SaintTony's family, I feel it would be more respectful to wait for an opportunity to make a joint announcement. As for me, I'm encouraging everyone in my family to set up a business as soon as possible. Once the business district diversifies a bit, I have a few ideas for how to bring customers to the city. Once there's a bit more traffic around here, things should hopefully snowball as it becomes profitable to start enterprises in the city. Beyond that, I'd prefer to play my cards close to my chest on the matter. As soon as plans get finalized there will be an announcement on the subject.

Mafioso: Why do you think people are suiciding or retiring so much nowadays?

Muqtada: I doubt that there's a single cause to all of it. The holiday season likely has something to do with it, since suicides always seem more prominent around these times. The large number of recent auths probably has some play in it as well. When people see their friends getting auth, their loyalty can become divided and the stress of it all can lead them to ending their own life. All in all, it's a sad thing to see so many friends of ours passing away at what should be a joyous time.

Mafioso: How does it feel to be a Crew Leader and what do you think got you this great opportunity?

Muqtada: It feels absolutely wonderful. As far as what got me here, I guess that's a long story. In the old days, before my family returned from the mother country, none of my bloodline ever really sought the position of crew leader seriously, preferring the easier life of mediocrity and a close group of friends. Upon my return I was more ambitious and decided I would work as hard as necessary to move up in the world. I tracked down the leader of what was at the time a small family, where I knew the opportunities for advancement would be more extensive. I apparently impressed Hayley and her RHM from the start, having humbly approached them with a well-planned joint business venture, because not only was I honored to enter the family, but I quickly rose through the ranks. Some doors opened up by chance, but a lot more of them were through hard work; I hadn't known Hayley beforehand, and everything I got I earned through proving myself the old-fashioned way.

Mafioso: What extra goals would you like to achieve in your Mafia career?

Muqtada: If you had asked me that a few weeks ago, I would have said "crew leader."Laughs. For now, I'm just taking things one step at a time. I'll say I'd like to get back up to Consigliere right now. I don't have any grand designs to speak of; everyone seems to leave their mark just doing what they do. Heck, I seem to have already caused a splash.

Mafioso: I'm sure our readers would like to know more about you, so what did you do before you became a Mafioso and what do you like to do in your free time?

Muqtada: Before I became a mafioso I was actually a starving musician, if you can believe that. Couldn't play a chord, but I sure tried. Gave that up and tried the saxophone, but wasn't much better. It's a good thing I found something else to do. During my free time I like to buy and sell politicians. Does that count as work or not? Chuckles, I've also been known to throw parties in the HQ from time to time, and have always enjoyed a good night at the bars tasting local beers.

Mafioso: Thanks for your time, would you like to say anything else to our readers before you go?

Muqtada: I'd like to once again give a shout-out to Hayley especially and the rest of the leaders for giving me this wonderful opportunity. Aside that, I hope to be one of the more oft-seen and heard leaders, and I'd like everyone to know I'll be happy to speak with them.

To: Monique_Peccati`

From: Mr_MFer

I can't believe you went and joined Acute!

-----------------------------------

To: Mr_MFer

From: Monique_Peccati`

well.. BELIEVE IT!

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At this point in time, Monique sent Mr_MFer $3 to pay for the damages.

-----------------------------------

To: Monique_Peccati`

From: Mr_MFer

3 bucks will not make up for this slight. It may cause a war between Acute and I. We have been itching for a fight already.

EG:"Did you know That Flame was also shot dead?"

Telkin:"No I did not."

EG:"What time where you shot?"

Telkin:"Dec 27, '08 09:47."

EG:"Do you think you will catch him?"

Telkin:"No, i doubt the shooter will be caught, it was stealth."

EG:"Do you think that the Shot with you has a connection with Flame's death?"

Telkin:"it is a certain possibility, although i put the shooters reasoning solely because of my name."

EG:"Did you know that telkin has had a shot on his life to?"

Guardian:"I did! The news of the attempt on Telkin, was broadcasted around the 7 cities within minutes of it happening."

EG:"Do you think that the shooting at Telkin had a connection to the death of flame?"

Guardian:"Possibly, due to Flame's W/S saying the attack was due to revenge, so maybe they had a vendetta against the two of them. Telkin was lucky to survive if so."

Happy New Year
From
JimmyTheLionHeart
And
The SCICG

I have had some Ideas recently and I was wondering if you guys could help me narrow down which one you all would like the most.

• A Page-by-Page Riddle
• Writing Contest
• Business Contest

Which would you guys like to participate in?

• Editor/Writer/SuperChick - Marietta
• Editor/Writer - Ares
• Editor/Writer/Sexy Master - Hayley
• Writer - Mafioso
• Writer - Jasey_Rae
• Writer - English_Gangster
• Writer - Orpheus

• You can financially assist us, as we are currently looking for new Associates.
• If you have an idea you want us to write about, TELL US. We're always looking for new and exciting things to write about.
• If you have written an article that you want published, let us know! We will make sure it looks nice, print it in our paper, and then PAY YOU for it.

...I have OCD for grammatical and spelling errors, and guaruntee a spotless speech when we're done.