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| Deadpool's Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings | Started by: Deadpool on Jan 27, '09 15:27 |
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Ok, it's a couple of weeks until Valentine's Day, I know. But, since people tend to die on that day, en masse, I figured that now was a great time to sell my own Mafia Valentine's Day Greeting Cards. Sure, they're printed by hand on old newspaper, but you use what you have, right? Here are some samples: Violets are blue, Roses are red, I blew up your house, So why aren't you dead? Blue is the sky, Green is the grass. You'd better love me, Or I'll wack your ass. You know, this ain't really what a guy's heart looks like. I'm here to fulfill your wishes Now that your husband sleeps wit' da fishes. I hope you like the flowers you get Or I'll have your feet put in cement. Sorry I was late to dinner, But I had this thing to do, You know, for the boss, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS YOU STUPID BITCH! Today, I put this card in the mail I hope it gets to you in jail. This is just to say, I've been screwing your best friend since our wedding day. I hope that it's something that one day we can all laugh about. You know, after you're dead. This is just a small sampling of the Deadpool Brand Valentine's Day cards that are available! They're not in stores, you can only find them, um, on a park bench, where I sleep. Yeah. Buy them. |
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| Good sir, What are the prices of your cards? Also do you have a delivery service and is it extra? I am interested but require a bit more information on how you proceed with your business. | |
| Reply by: JimmyTheLionHeart at Jan 27, '09 15:39 | |
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| Interesting, I also hope we can get some more information. | |
| Reply by: BroodRoosterNL at Jan 27, '09 16:06 | |
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Right. I deliver. There are several options. The singing drive-by, the singing car bomb, the singing execution. Oh yeah, then there's the candygram. I used to do this bit where I dressed up like a gorilla to bring flowers and a pinkie ring to your loved ones, but there was a misunderstanding and I ended up spending a week in the zoo. And evidently, it was a female gorilla costume. Shudders Prices? I do so love money. With money, I can buy therapy for the zoo incident. It's too bad you know that I killed that stipper Because now it's your body in the wood chipper. |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Jan 27, '09 16:58 | |
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comes up quietly and slips deadpool a not saying I want something respectful for a right hand woman to say i enjoy our private sessions when the boss is not around, for munchkin... Preferably discreetly so Muqtada and mikehunt never know. |
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| Reply by: BetterOffDead at Jan 27, '09 18:19 | |
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Deadpool reads the note out loud. Not a problem, my good man! Let's see... Munchkin, Munchkin My little elf When I think about you I touch myself. |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Jan 28, '09 20:13 | |
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Comes up in a thunder of noise and slips Deadpool a note saying: I want something downright disrespectful for a right hand woman. I want it to say whatever you feel is innapropriate and downright wrong, for munchkin... Preferably in large bold print so I can stick it up for Muqtada and BetterOffDead to see it clearly. |
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| Reply by: MikeHunt at Jan 28, '09 20:31 | |
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Munchkin wonders if BetterOffDead has any clue to the definition of discretion Reads her beautiful poem in awe of the great writing and goes to find a frame to hang it in her office forever |
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| Reply by: Munchkin at Jan 28, '09 20:34 | |
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Hmmmm... That's the way to do it, Mr. Hunt. Get her attention. Dearest Munchkin, Please be my honey, You have the time, And I have the money. Writes poem on huge red paper heart. |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Jan 28, '09 20:40 | |
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Runs out to buy another frame this one heart shaped Thank you for the poems Mike and BOD, and thank you for your creativity Deadpool. |
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| Reply by: Munchkin at Jan 28, '09 21:12 | |
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grins like a cheshire cat was worth every penny |
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| Reply by: BetterOffDead at Jan 28, '09 21:57 | |
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Glides up to Deadpool with big brown eyes and a frown, prepared to let a tear or two go if the dramatics are needed I would love a valentine. I would also love someone to send it to. BIG, sad, brown eyes |
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| Reply by: Marisole at Jan 28, '09 22:08 | |
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Valentine for Marisole..... I think I heard a song with that name once. Nope. Just my imagination. Here we go. Marisole, you are my Venus Please don't say you have a penis. Marisole, you can have my heart And this other one I have in the jar. I apologize for this card, There was little selection. It's hard to shop In witness protection. |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Jan 28, '09 23:55 | |
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I almost forgot. For those of you, shall we say, "infected" individuals.... My dearest love Forgive me please I'm so sorry I gave you herpes. I really like you You seem so nice Too bad about Your pubic lice. Now, what rhymes with "gonorrhea?" |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Jan 29, '09 13:18 | |
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'It was nice to see ya'...? 'You smell like Freesia'...? |
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| Reply by: Marisole at Jan 29, '09 18:36 | |
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Ahem. Some flowers are blue, Others are red, Time to wake up, Next to a horse's head. Deadpool quality Valentine's Day greetings. When you care to send the very best. Or when you care at all. |
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| Reply by: Deadpool at Feb 11, '09 12:11 | |
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