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| The Adventures of Me, Episode 1 | Started by: Deadpool on Feb 03, '09 14:27 |
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Gather 'round, fellow mafioso, as I weave a tale of one of my many escapades and/or hijinks. Let's see... every story has a name, I call this one Hector. So, awhile back, I find myself working for this guy who's named for a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. Nice guy, Prozac. Always happy, rather stable. I like him. All he asks of me is that I share in my plentiful bounty. I'm cool with that. Anyway, one day, I'm walking down the street in Vegas, looking for a place to gamble away my remaining three dollars and forty-seven cents. As I'm walking, I notice a nice little 7-11 store. I decide to stop in, grab one of those lovely frozen drink concoctions, maybe a candy bar, and everything in the cash register. I get my drink, I get my candy (mmmmm... candy) and I stick a pistol in the clerk's face. He gives me all the money, I give him two bucks for the drink and the candy, then I rob him again and take the two bucks back. Now with a cool six hundred bucks to my name, I head to a real casino to blow it all. On the way, I stop, put half of it in an envelope and address it to my antidepressant boss. In the casino, I'm losing like a champ at the $50 slots, when this old lady walks up beside me and starts winning. I take her purse. She screams, I hit her with the purse. People stare. I tell them she was trying to rob me. About then, I get a telegram from Prozac. Deadpool you lazy bastard. Find Ricardo in Vegas. Retrieve information. Leave Ricardo in Vegas. Love always, Prozac Normally, I only accept singing telegrams, but I made an exception for this one, as it was from the boss. Ricardo was a little Cuban guy who used to sing and play the bongo drums. He was married to a wacky redhead who was always getting into some sort of mishap. Seemed like every week, she did something else. Anyway, my reading of the telegram was that I was supposed to get some information back from Ricardo and leave him in Vegas. Permanently, if you get my drift. If you don't get my drift, then I was supposed to kill him. And then leave him. I put the telegram in my new purse and walked over to the hotel. Luckily, the old bag was loaded. I got a room, went upstairs, and took a nap. Wait. I mean, I got right to work looking for Ricardo. As luck would have it, he was performing in the night club at the hotel. That night, in the club, I saw him with a briefcase. He'd have to put it down to play the bongos, so I just waited. Oh, and I put a bomb in the bongos. He put the case down, I grabbed it and ran like hell. I never was a good judge of how much explosive to use. In this case, I used just enough to blow his hands off. Now, I had to go back and finish the job. But this time, he was in the hospital. So, I dressed up like a nurse, got past security, and into his room. He recognized me right away, but with his hands gone, he couldn't push the nurse button. "Hey, man," I said. "Why the panic? I came by to see how you were doing. You know, without the hands." Just then, that wacky redhead hit me with a bedpan. Yeah, it kinda hurt. I pushed her down and rubbed my head. "Ow. What are you trying to do, give me a concussion? Give me a break, I have a job to do. Hey, Ricardo, what's in the case, anyway?" He stammered, "joo don unnerstan. The cops gotta have that, or they're gonna put me in yail." "In Yale? The college?" "No, no. Yail. Yail. Prison." "Oh, jail. Right. Well, we can't have that." I shot him once in the chest. The redhead started screaming, "Waaaaaaaa!" It was too much. I had to shoot her too. I didn't want to, but that wail... it made my teeth hurt. I have very sensitive teeth. So, then I left, got the briefcase, dumped the contents into my stolen purse and caught a plane home. Prozac was glad to see me. Either that, or he had a gun in his pocket. You never know. And that, my friends, wraps up my sordid tale of mystery and wonder. Thank you for your time, remember to tip your waiters. |
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| That was no gun, my friend... | |
| Reply by: Mr_Lucas at Feb 03, '09 22:49 | |
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Listening intently JR waits for Deadpool to finish his exciting tale of mafioso life. JR claps when Deadpool is done. Great story Deadpool, I can't wait for EpisodeII. |
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| Reply by: Jasey_Rae at Feb 03, '09 23:19 | |
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| Maybe it was a knife? Incidentally, someone stole $6 from me. | |
| Reply by: Deadpool at Feb 03, '09 23:21 | |
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