Desmand had been locked away in his house the past few days only leaving for essentials such as Dom Pérignon and jail parties. Despite all the bravado he portrayed he was particularly subdued after the death of two of his closest friends DanTheMan and Goku. He hadn't felt like doing much and was reluctant to sign autographs of the adoring fans as he headed to his usual coffee shop. He did though, because that was what was expected of his as "Mafia's Bad Boy/Philanthropist/Entrepreneur and Owner of Deliberations with Desmand and recently released Desmands Diary."

Once there he met with Cantillon and they discussed recent news of all kinds. Deliberations with Desmand hadn't been produced in a couple of months and Desmand didn't want people thinking the curse of the inactive Chicago Godfather like JakeLuciano and Solastalgia before him had struck him too and so he vowed he would make another issue. A bumper pack of all things relevant from the last 14 days, give or take. After some discussion Cantillon was appointed to be his roaming reporter for a special segment he had planned at the end. Cantillon had always admired the attention Desmand received for his papers and so was eager to get any kind of cast-offs Desmand didn't want. A perk of the job.

The Curse of Detroit?

And so once again the inhabitants of Detroit have been slain, is this city truly cursed? I guess that's a question we can ask Ecstasy's next of kin  in a few weeks when everything finally settles back to normal in the aftermath of the three dead Detroit Godfathers. So you've probably heard one reason or another for the causes but with my journalistic integrity on the line I feel it is my job to get down to the nitty gritty details of the war and the actual factors which sparked the shoot out.  

After some digging, one of the reasons I was informed about was as revenge for the death of Billy. It is thought that Yobssarg et al partook in acts that were purely the realm of hot headed youths and didn't know when to holster their guns. This became apparent when I was personally asked for locals on Billy (which I mistakenly gave assuming they just wanted to deliver a mail to him personally) resulting in his death. My bad. Another reason I was told was their lack of appearances at Godfather meetings resulted in the truckable offence, something current and future Godfathers would be wise not to miss. It is my understanding that they happen on a weekly basis. And perhaps the biggest factor was the allegations that both Yobssarg and Snowy_White were caught snooping around Godfather JohnnyNoname's underwear drawers just a couple of nights before the incident. Last seeing fleeing into a safe home in Chicago on the night of their retirement wearing all of his clothes, it would be safe to assume that at least one of them was probably wearing his underwear too. He's told me to say that he'd like them back if at all possible.  

Jeddy's Illegitimates Districts? 

Something which I must admit first struck me as odd when I was told this news by a source I have working the ground. It would appear that Jeddy is a father to not one but three districts out in Philadelphia. The mother at this time is unknown but what is true is that Jeddy has sent his district children out working at an age which is probably illegal in most states of America, I guess not the Philippines though. He has them working night and day to bring in $1 million per crew leader to their "Daddy" for the improvement of the city as a whole. Once the districts have grown and matured sufficiently the wings are finally undone and they are able to fly free. So far only one of the districts has reached the promised land, far away from the Councilmans grubby hands. I tried to find Godfather Gimli for a comment, but he was unavailable at the time of printing.

Rogues

Over recent weeks there appear to have been a worrying increase in the number of rogues and rogue shots plaguing this world. First kicked off by tommydevitos, in which himself and a number of other cunto people decided it would be funny to shoot at numerous mobsters and send everyone on a merry chase around America. Finally they were caught and shot by none other than DanTheRogueSlayer, ending a run which lasted slightly longer then Numbers4Glorys time in Las Angeles. After a quiet few weeks, there was the merciless killing of Severe, DanTheRogueSlayer going 2/2 with another Supreme success.

Next was the killing of not one but two more prominent mobsters in the wake of the now famously dubbed "Toilet War" after Godfather Yobssarg had the time to take a shit mid war in a funeral home and still make it to safety. The first to fall was LeslieMahoney in The Strip. The killer has still not be found for this attack but one witness was remarked as saying the rogue act looked red. Perhaps this means something to someone and we urge that anyone with information bring this forward to the necessary Godfather (that is still alive.)  Not long after the The_Red_Rogue ironically enough was also dropped by another rogue shot. After providing invaluable information in the war efforts to bring the killers of DanTheMan and Goku to justice, it is insure what happened or who shot him. Someone was overheard saying "my bad," but that is the only lead so far. Once again we urge that anyone with information please send it directly to Godfather Mako who is heading this investigation personally. 

The life and times of DanTheMan

The final section of this paper as some of you might have guessed from the recent spate of "harassing" mails sent that this is indeed a dedication to DanTheMan and all he accomplished. Brought to you through a collection of quotes and clippings from some of his closest friends and those that knew him best. My roaming reporter Cantillon approached these people with a pencil and pad to get their thoughts on the matter. This is what he told me.

The first person he bumped into whilst leaving his fortifications was a descendant of the late Numbers4Glory by the name of BewBag3. Whilst getting his gates thrashed by Bewbgag3, He asked him the same question he planned to pose to all future interviewees "Do you have a one line quote to celebrate DanTheMan's life?" BewBag3 responded simply "Fuck Off." Disheartened but not dejected he quickly wrote down the quote before continuing on his way, leaving BewBag3 to shoot at his forts some more. It soon became apparent that this would be a two man job and so Cantillon asked Mako for help to collect quotes to describe DanTheMans life, this was their findings.

Dan first started life as a humble servant for ToyArmadillo, it was under him that he first brought together a lot of the 303303 Godfather dynasty that you now see today. In Havens words he was "Omg, it's so tiny and cute!" Kidding. "Dan was more then just the man, he was also a mud kip." It was then that the legacy began as he worked his way through the ranks. Dan prided himself on hard work and had a reputation for amongst other things being particularly caring and thoughtful. Toast said of DanTheMan "was the sluttiest right hand a man could ever have. He would suck you off and then tell the world how small your dick was on a daily basis"; whilst Godfather Mako went on record as saying "DanTheMan was the TRUE Supreme." Dan's hard work was finally noticed and with it came increased responsibilites, one of which was the overseeing of a Detroit Competition. One of the competitors Supreme was quoted as saying "well boohoo it wasn't up to him to kill. It was a dick move because I was out playing everyone in the district."

And finally the crowning jewel was Dan's repeated history of wack backing, something this paper has touched upon on more then one occasion. Ascanius - "He lived. He conquered. He WBed." was a fairly accurate summary of Dans life whilst the late Maple was quoted asking Dan "what tier was that WB?" 123 days Dan reached the illustrious rank of Godfather in conjucture with his fellow 303303 brothers JohnnyNoname, Goku and myself. Solid quipped "you got Godfather before me, I fucking hate you" when pressed on this matter. Cantillon and Mako finally reached me and asked me to sum up my feelings for DanTheMan and so here it is: "I'm sorry Dan, I was apart of the conspiracy with Detroit to ensure you died, it's true. My bad."

I hear the words that just came off Madbutton's lips. Interesting. I do my best Dora The Explorer impersonation and grab a lazy boy recliner from my book bag, and place it front row. Popcorn? Check. Beverages? Check. This was going to be interesting if things go the way I think it is. 

Walking by, Maria ducks suddenly as she notices something flying through the air. Upon closer inspection, this appeared to be the point of Desmand's "This became apparent when I was personally asked for locals on Billy (which I mistakenly gave assuming they just wanted to deliver a mail to him personally) resulting in his death. My bad." statement flying right over the head of MadButton.

Straightening up, she goes over to Desmand himself.

A good paper from you again Godfather... but maybe you'll see some real competition soon, eh?

Maria smiles, knowing already what Desmand's comeback is likely to be, and turns and walks away.

Desmand smiled at Madbutton, he seemed a little slow so he spoke slowly. 

Ah yes Madbutton, for a temporary period the postal service went down in America and the only method of communication in person. If I remember correctly it happened the same night your father was collecting his Darwin award for attempting to facilitate the setting up of a mobster from another city in his district without the permission of well, anyone. To paraphrase something I overheard you say to Y6 in another speech "shut up kid."

Desmand turns to Maria. 

As I mentioned to you last night, I always welcome more competition. It keeps me on my toes and means I don't just spend all day frolicking with my female fans. 

Desmand winked, ruffled Madbuttons hair and departed the scene.  

Genocide approaches madbutton with an ice pack and places it in his hand.

Thought you might need it, cause you got buurned!

Genocide walks awat moving his head from side to side, clicking his fingers repeatedly saying mmmmhmmmm!!!

Thanks Panties for posting such kind words to the NUMEROUS fallen people and not making this out to be about just 2 people.  Countless others lost their lives 2 of them just being newly appointed CL's and seemingly anytime they get going it's taken away from them.  Rum and Grimes you may be gone but you're far from forgotten.  I miss you both dearly and may you RIP.

Oh not by my count, im simply stating that anything mentioned has mainly been about 2 individuals of which I highly respected.  But anything mentioned has really only shown remorse to them and I agree with you that EVERYONE in the war meant something.

PantiesBeDroppin turns his head. He does not want his peers to see him shed a tear. He demonstrates some impressive spin karate kicks in the air. The crowd claps for him.

What if its a shemale, Panties? Do we count, too? Thankfully I didn't die just yet, but when I do, will your mourn me?

Alabama crosses her legs tightly to hide any possible display of her manlyness.

It's sad to read about the loss of Dan, especially after some of the talks i had with him especially for advice and reassurance especially after starting in his district.   The war itself also came as a surprise and the costs on both side were truly tragic.