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| Just a thought | Started by: LessThan on Feb 24, '09 22:33 |
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Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. |
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Oh you silly troll. Have you nothing better to copy & paste? |
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| Reply by: Internet at Feb 24, '09 22:35 | |
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| nope written by a Lawyer, i liked it so i spread it =D | |
| Reply by: LessThan at Feb 24, '09 22:36 | |
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Well, with you keeping the military, I guess we'll just take those nuclear warheads off of your hands. You don't really need those, right? |
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| Reply by: Vicodin at Feb 24, '09 22:39 | |
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Cool story, bro. Dear Red States... We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico. Peace out, Blue States |
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| Reply by: Internet at Feb 24, '09 22:40 | |
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I was going to dignify this with a well thought out, lengthy, conclusive response, but I've decided it doesn't warrant it. However, I do want to briefly comment. We're fucking American. All of us. You are not 8 years old... the world is not easily divided into black and white. The reason our country is special at all is because it has risen from the harmonies of many peoples to embrace universal ideas of basic human freedoms. Living in a democracy is messy. It is supposed to be. That's the inherent nature of democracy. If you want to live in an America where everyone agrees with you... then you aren't really an American. If you are a Democrat or a Republican before you're an American, then shut the hell up and get out of my country. |
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| Reply by: MacLeod at Feb 24, '09 23:07 | |
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Nicely put, MacLeod. I would just like to add that extreme leftism and extreme right wing politics are both inherently flawed. We need to keep a happy balance for an optimal country. When the government becomes too fascist and starts busting down doors, seizing citizens without warrants or probably cause, goes invading countries without any reason, cruelly watches the poor, the disabled, and hungry children die for lack of health care; when the government decides to reinstate Jim Crow laws and softens anti-discrimination legislation against women and racial or religious minorities; when the government decides to run up huge deficits by buying new toys to blow up the world...we need the lefties to raise hell and hold government accountable. When the government shuffles their feet against an imposing foreign threat, when economic policies begin to discourage rugged individualism, when businesses are struggling to expand through no fault of their own, when our military becomes too weak for lack of funding...we need the conservatives to come in and do what they do. Politics is like a tug of war. Each end of the political spectrum tugs back harder when one end begins to pull too hard in their direction. You ask which side would need help in fifteen years? I can say with reasonable assurance...both of them. |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Feb 25, '09 00:12 | |
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| Some single moms are hot though. There's somethin about a girl with jelly stains in her mini van that drive me wild. | |
| Reply by: Carmine_Ttrapani at Feb 25, '09 00:17 | |
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| This fuckin nation is turning into China. Which is why theres a sign at work which reads New China. The gov't controls us all. | |
| Reply by: Cav at Feb 25, '09 00:33 | |
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Oh, and whoever wrote that was intellectually dishonest. To paint liberals as not being religious or supporting terrorism is one of the most shameful tactics the Right Wing has used in the last decade. I am a Liberal, and I don't mind criticism of those who are like-minded to me when it is deserved, but it should be honest criticism and not propaganda to pull the ignorant to "their team". Our policies are not perfect, but they have carried our country through the majority of its history. Conservatives love to accuse Liberals of being anti-God, terrorist supporters. And they wonder why we think they are all idiots? Ninety percent of Americans are people of faith. That means that people of all political affiliations have religious beliefs. And terrorist supporters? Really? Now that's just fucking stupid. Timothy McVeigh and all those people who love bombing Planned Parenthood are the closest thing to terrorists we have in this country, and they are not Liberals. Liberals are the peaceniks, right? Which is it? They can't be both peace-lovers and terrorists. C'mon, Right Wing, make up your mind! The man who wrote that isn't even consistent in those few mini-paragraphs. And he's a lawyer? A lawyer should know that the ACLU protects those civil liberties he holds dear, like his gun rights and free enterprise. They uphold ALL civil liberties, not just the ones that certain people are particularly fond of. Due Process for those accused of crimes is a civil right, and so is 2nd Amendment Rights. The ACLU protects both, and every other part of the Constitution. He wants to keep the Judeo-Christian values? You mean the things Jesus taught? Things like feeding the poor, turning the other cheek, tolerance, love, and being non-judgmental? Hmmmm...those things don't fit in too well with his conservative ideals. Meanwhile, he says the Liberals can keep Islam. How can they keep something they never had to begin with? Islam is probably the most conservative religion in the world. Its followers are the most devout. They live their lives praying daily, abstaining from alcohol, forbidding sexual perversity, and their law is governed by the Koran. This is the reason the religious right detests Islam so much. They are just too much alike! Both are religious fundamentalists, except with different religions. (Other than those things that the religious right tends to "forget", like Jesus being the Prince of Peace and helping the poor). He wants to keep Trickle-down economics? Fine, be my guest. He would refer to it as "supply-side economics" if he had an education, but education is not a priority in the red states. He also wants to keep our history. Perhaps he should study it first. If he studied history, he would learn that it was laissez-faire economics that drove us into the Great Depression, which we recovered from through FDR's liberal "New Deal" program, which created jobs and social entitlements to help the struggling classes. Who is going to spend all their money at your Wal-marts if the working class have no money? This is one of the great puzzles of conservative economic philosophy. They want to subsidize the large corporations with tax breaks, while making the middle and lower classes take up the slack. This leaves them with little or no disposable income. Their belief is that the wealthy will create jobs and the money will "trickle down" to the laborers. On what planet has this ever panned out in reality? In our country, a corporate CEO makes 450x the salary of a general laborer. The money is not "trickling down". It is going right into their multi-million dollar mansions, trust funds, and Lambourghinis. "Trickle down", indeed. It even SOUNDS like they are pissing on us! |
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| Reply by: Butt_Ox at Feb 25, '09 00:57 | |
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Wow! lol This whole thing was just supposed to be slightly amusing =p Something to read while your passing the time. But I must say I do like the conversation it struck up =D And Macleod, nice point, we do need to drop the left wing right wing differences and work together to fix the problems at hand. |
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| Reply by: LessThan at Feb 25, '09 15:06 | |
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| It seems as if everyone likes to copy and paste. | |
| Reply by: TheFugitive at Feb 26, '09 01:41 | |
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