The Story Of Genesis

As Scribed By Heath Fucking Saraceno

As told by Dan Fucking Trapp


Chapter 1


1.In the beginning, before existence existed, 2.Before Time started ticking along, 3.there was a single entity of omnipower known simply as 4.BFN. 5.The all powerful BFN, 6.as awesome as he was, 7.Decided that ruling nothing was not as epic as ruling everything. 8.So he made an almighty microphone appear in his hands and screamed into it: "LET THERE BE EPIC!". 9.Existence and time forged into the universe as it was being created with awesome and epic. 10.So now that an awesomely epic universe existed, 11.with multiple dimensions such as epic time and awesome space, 12.BFN decided to fill this awesomely epic place with some more awesome epicness.


Chapter 2


1.He crafted a single world to be better than all the other ones, as it is the only one that sustains any life forms(at least any life forms worth mentioning). 2.He created this world, which we now call Earth, and walked upon it springing up life forms of little intelligence such as trees, squirrels, and British people. 3."Wow, this place is awesomely Epic" He thought to himself. 4.However, what is more epic than one god? 5.Let's try Three Gods. 6.So he took the cuticles from his hands and his powers made two other beings of almost equal power come into existence. 7.DFT and HFS respectively. 8.These three gods created many more life forms. 9.Not all of them were great (i.e. Rourkes) but anything they didn't particularly like was left outside of their special City called Eden. 10.The rest of the world was only so-so compared to the epicness of Eden. 11.There, they let their Posse share in the best of the best. 12.The great three had only one rule for their followers - to not back stab each other. 13.It was the biggest taboo, a forbidden fruit if you will. 14.All was well for some time, until a certain member of the Posse decided she was curious of the outside world. 15.Naturally she could have easily left by asking, but she felt it necessary to hide her wanting to venture outside the city limits. 16.She began conspiring her way against the rest of the posse. 17.Once she found a way to open the gate, she did so, letting all the evils of the world into the perfect existence. Greed, hate, lust, cheetahs, gingers, giraffes, and any other despicably evil thing you can think of. 18.As a result Dan fucking Trapp spend all of eternity in hell with Clipper. 19.Fucking Clipper.

22

20.As a result of her actions the great holy trinity decided that Eden was too good for anyone. 21.The followers of BFN would someday be allowed admittance, but only in the after life. 22.They removed Eden from earth and it became a part of the clouds, now a place known as heaven. 23.They spread some goodness around the earth so it didn't suck completely. 24.And left the followers to teach those who would come along of the mighty BFN and his two generals. 25.From here, things get a bit more complicated as that is the way life is...