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| Rourke Central Presents: The Roast of Rourkey | Started by: JohnRourke on Mar 26, '09 21:54 |
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The roasters sit in the shadows at the far end of the stage, clapping along with the estatic audience. Three chairs stand empty on stage, including a gigantic ornate one set off to itself, where a small golden crown and scepter lay, unworn. The spotlight, controlled by one of the Godmother's midget stage crew, follows a man onto the stage. He carries a microphone in one hand, waving with the other. "Hello Detroit! And, hello to the people at home listening, this is JohnRourke, your Roastmaster for the evening. Now, I would like everyone to give a roaring round of applause to the roasters..." he starts, seeing the second empty seat. Doing a little math in his head, he speaks into the mic, "where's Marietta?" The Godmother walks up the aisle between the seats and up on the stage. The heel of her shoe is stuck through a piece of toilet paper. "Sorry, a little busy..." she says, and sits in one of the empty seats. John frowns. "Well, folks, there is another person who is ready and waiting to be out here for your roasting pleasure. Weighing 236 pounds, plus a 30 pound mustache, everyone give it up for our special guest...ROURKEYROURKE!" yells John, and music starts playing. RourkeyRourke stands up from a seat in the front row and throws his hands up in the air, as the crowd stands and gives a standing ovation. He runs up the steps and shakes hands with John, before donning his crown, grabbing his scepter, and sitting. "Folks, I am not worthy of giving the first word, and the roasters have decided amongst themselves who will go first, so give it up for the next person to come on stage!" says John. |
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| Dead was sitting in the third row off of the stage, he had paid good money for his ticket to The Roast of Rourkey, it was promised to be a delightful show. He was anxious to see who would stand and make the long walk to the stage...... | |
| Reply by: Dead2X at Mar 26, '09 21:59 | |
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Rourkey's beard of bees comes up to the stage Ah that Rourkey! He's so gay, he makes Die_Clause look straight! He's had so many cocks in him, they call him "the chicken coop!" He's so homosexual, he likes it when other men have sexual relations with him! But seriously folks........I HATE THE GUY!!!! The beard of bees flies away. |
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| Reply by: RourkeyRourke at Mar 26, '09 22:08 | |
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The show had started off better than expected for Dead. Only 5 minutes into the show and Dead already felt he might pop a button off of his tailored trousers. He raised his hand and pulled out a gold pocket watch his grandfather had given him when he was just a boy. *Damnit* He had to go tend to some business. Dead stood up and gave a slight wave to RourkeyRourke as if to say thanks for the laughs, without further ado, Dead made his way out of the colliseum, to the cold street, where money awaited him. |
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| Reply by: Dead2X at Mar 26, '09 22:23 | |
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Munchkin walks in visibly upset. Roasting Rourkey? I had always envisioned eating him raw not cooked. Someone taps Munchkin on the shoulder and she blushes. Oh he's not going on that open fire over there with an apple in his mouth? Oh thank god. Sorry for the interruption, carry on please. |
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| Reply by: Munchkin at Mar 26, '09 23:57 | |
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Hoagie breaks out in hysterical laughter. After he catches his breath he turns to Munchkin. Good one, boss! |
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| Reply by: Hoagie at Mar 27, '09 00:33 | |
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Sits in the back row. Throws someone's left shoe onto the stage. What kinda roast is this?! |
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| Reply by: Skitzo at Mar 27, '09 02:18 | |
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Sorry bout that last post, forgot to censor myself. Let me correct it with this: " Skitzo sits in the back row chuckling to himself at every joke. Looking around, from time to time, to see if any friends are sitting near-by. " |
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| Reply by: Skitzo at Mar 27, '09 02:23 | |
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| I'm disappointed at how unpopular I am. | |
| Reply by: RourkeyRourke at Mar 27, '09 20:06 | |
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| Hey, the best I was able to get was Marietta, she was the biggest name that called me back. | |
| Reply by: JohnRourke at Mar 27, '09 20:07 | |
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Hydro walks slowly to the stage and timidly opens her mouth to speak Dear friends I'm disappointed this evening, I was told to come meet the lost dwarf Dorkey, come to find out its Rourkey the Dork Rourke. The crowd starts chuckling and Hydro starts to loosen up. Turning to look at her Dear friend Rourkey, Hydro moves her head up and down. She stops midpoint and stares. RourkeyRourke my sexual beast of a man. I always thought you got excited when looking at me, then I realized your beard of bee's were swarming up your nostrils and causeing seizures. Well friends you all know I love Dear Rourkey or I'd be home alone with my friends enjoying a peaceful night. Love ya folks and Rourkey I still get shivers when I see you across the coffee shop, never stop being the sweet, loveable man beast I know so well. Hydro ♥ Hydro runs to her seat and trys to hide from Rourkey |
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| Reply by: HydroPhonic at Mar 28, '09 18:47 | |
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I believe I'd better speak, to get things livened up. Folks, Rourkey is a Rourke. I know, people start BITCHIN now. I am a Rourke, believe it or not. We at least owe each other something. I had a heated argument once, and found that he is a worthy advisary, and someone not to be trifled with. With that said, FUCK YOU, PRESIDENT! I can't get intoxicated without paying an extra fifty to the bars! Someone walks up on stage with a bottle of water and a pill. John takes it, and returns to speaking. Some people may not know this, but I own a small motel in New York. This event will burn itself in your minds. Rourkey rented a room, I suspected either to fuck a hooker or sell some pot, usual business. 'bout 20 minutes later, a big muscular guy came in, and ask what room Rourkey was staying in, said that Rourkey was a 'friend' of his. I told him what room, but called Rourkey immediately. He said it was okay. I once again suspected pot. I heard, within the hour, a commotion outside. I looked up from underneath my desk, where a well-positioned hooker was at work, and saw the same muscular man running outside on the parking lot naked, yelling "FUCK! That fucking bee HURT!" That event has scarred me for life. I ended up learning that one of Rourkey's bees had stung the man on the penis during sexual intercourse with Rourkey's nan. I suspect that HydroPhonic was involved, because I also heard some very strange noises, along with the noise of someone hitting the headboard of a bed. |
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| Reply by: JohnRourke at Mar 28, '09 18:57 | |
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Jumping to her feet. Hydro yells at JohnRourke That statement is false Sir. Everyone who knows me knows I am alergic to bee's. I'm also The Mafia Virgin. So don't go there. After smiling sweetly Hydro straightens her hair and sits promptly back into her seat. |
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| Reply by: HydroPhonic at Mar 29, '09 00:15 | |
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Sits in the back and turns to Hydro. VIRGIN!? hahahah! Pulls his hood on and slouches down into his seat. |
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| Reply by: Skitzo at Mar 29, '09 00:51 | |
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| Yes Skitzo, as if you'd really know. I am taking over as Roast Master for this event. And, Skitzo, don't be sayin anything. Rourkey turned you down. HYDRO even turned you down, and that's fuckin saying something! | |
| Reply by: Darkhawk764 at Mar 29, '09 13:34 | |
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| Hey! It's Rourkey's roast not mine! Mine's next week and I aint looking forward to it. | |
| Reply by: Skitzo at Mar 29, '09 16:55 | |
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