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| The Chronicle - Issue One | Started by: Marietta on Apr 10, '09 19:37 |
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Marietta Editor ~~~ Breaking News Something That Totally Just Happened Before We Went to Print Damn, that's a long subtitle. Still, we here at the Chronicle feel bound to inform you of events, and in this case events that have just happened! In what seemed a surprise move FridgeRevenge, Consigliere leader out of Philly for La famiglia del De Luca Crimine, along with his wife and Right Hand CookieDough, decided to go on a rampage against New York. The_Messiah was, luckily, the only victim of this crime that fell. There were reports of several other shots that were taken, but thankfully FridgeRevenge met his timely demise at the hands of Godfather ThomasRourke of NY City. After harassing him for what seemed to be twenty minutes non-stop, I managed to get a statement from Mister Rourke himself. "Everyone wants to know why I got involved," he said. "I said in the beginning of my endeavor in New York that I would fight off any unexplained and random threats against the people who set up here. The fact that was forgotten so quickly is stunning. FridgeRevenge was nothing more than a rogue with some members, and now he's going to get the same treatment." Many are not too shocked and stunned at the actions of the man who, as the rumors go, had long been a source of annoyance and harassment to many. When attending his and his wife's funeral it was heard that they had done this as a "means of retiring". Whether that reason sits well as a good enough explanation with New York, we will soon see. Will this evolve into something more? Or has this drama passed? Only time will tell what transpires. ~~~ Buy My Crackdowns No Seriously, Buy Them Guys Alright alright already! Street poster after street poster, speech after speech have told us recently that there are many (almost too many) people selling what they call "crackdowns". You can't walk three feet without bumping into someone who is trying to foist their wares upon you. What is a crackdown? For those of you who do not know, there are certain people in this world who make it their habit to keep certain police chiefs under their thumbs. If you pay this person they make one simple phone call to the local fuzz and next thing you know all civilians and mobsters are being herded like cattle into the cells. Then you, lucky man or woman you are, get to practice your own special art of jail breaking on those that are stuck inside the clink. Why people are so adamant about pushing their businesses we'll never know, but we thought we'd give you a run down on those who are the most vocal, and those who are rumored to sell a few of their own. Tommy_Killa runs "Killas CD Warehouse" where it is rumored they start at around 70K a pop. With a similar price of 70K is snip and his business. Skitzo runs his business out of Detroit, but you can contact him for more details at any time. It is also rumored that TamaRourke and a few Godfathers actually sell these "favors" with police forces across America. You'll have to do a little digging to find more on that, however. ~~~ Advice from Amy Questions? She Can Answer! Advice Column by Amy Annie Moose Q:Amy, I've noticed lately that a few leaders, I won't name whom of course!, have been wacking a large amount of their crew members. Are they really all inactive? Or is something more sinister happening? Thanks, Concerned in Cincinnati A: Observant Guy, No, I highly doubt that all of these people are 'inactive' or sleeping. Sounds like there is either a large amount of trouble makers on our hands, or some leaders are flexing their power over the weak to make themselves feel important. To that I say "Fuck you! You and that horse you rode in on!". Crew leaders need to start respecting their families. As they say, "People should not fear their government, it is the government that should fear their people". Consider that a warning to those that are abusing power. Thanks, Amy If you would like to write to Amy, please send a letter to Advice from Amy, Care of Marietta ~~~ New in the Seven Cities Bringing You Chatter from the Underworld Current Events Article by Death-Knight Detroit: Recently in Detroit, there have been many changes to this wonderful city. Marietta has allowed Hypno to go and set his HQ over in Las Vegas, while she also allowed Nicky to go back to his great home in Chicago. We wish them the best of luck. Also in Detroit, Marietta decided that it was time for a few more Captain's within her wonderful City following the death of WildTurkey. She allowed Cruel, SalvatoreGato and Paradox. SalvatoreGato is to take over The Gato Regime. Then after a day of those guys being Marietta's Captains poor Paradox's Gun Malfunctioned and it resulted in it killing him, Marietta had to think quick and fast with that at her mind she had to set-up Paradox's RHM, Death-Knight. He took over The Enigma and housed every member that were with Paradox before and Killing Vultures got to them. New York: Recently in The Big Apple: Phantom_Ghost, The_Messiah, and Premier all decided that Mr.ThomasRourke's offer was a great offer for them. They all decided that talking with Thomas was a great idea and he allowed them all to set up their own little families. Limited to 25 man HQ's of course. Baby steps. Then Premier thought it would be a great idea to ask Mr. Rourke if he could set up Persian his LHM alongside him in New York. Mr Rourke agreed to this and Persian was given a 25 man HQ inside the city of New York. Chicago: After the war, Chicago was a lonely city. Until now. Nicky has moved back into his old home and allowed TM-Scarface to set up alongside him. These two leaders will make Chicago a good place to crime once more. New Orleans: In New Orleans, there was a little Rogue that went by the name of The_Gentleman. He decided that it would be a good idea to try and take a few people's lives, but he failed miserably. Marietta, ThomasRourke, and JimmyTheLionHeart all worked together to take care of the bitter bastard. Philadelphia: In Philadelphia, there is a new addition to the Lionheart Crime Family. Akasha has taken the hand of Godfather Lionheart in marriage, and successfully moved her HQ to Philly. If they ever get divorced, I can see some problems arising. Los Angeles: Los Angeles also is showing a new face in the form of Vicodin. He was the loyal RHM to the late Angel (Rest Well). He has also been productive, setting up a new way to take the Los Angeles bar district. Be sure to hear his speech before thinking about setting up a business in LA. Then LA's greatest leader Prozac decided it was his time to step down from Crew leadership. Prozac set up Shagtastic and Luxuria to take on his members. All three of those Crew Leaders shall continue to make LA a great place to be. Las Vegas: Las Vegas, famous city for its casino's and its women. Marietta allowed one of her great Crew Leaders to move from Detroit into Las Vegas after its recent loneliness. Las Vegas will be in the great hands of Hypno. He will make the great gambling city great once more. Hypno then decided that he needed a fellow Captain alongside him in LV. Hypno decided that he Captain was to be Aftershock. Aftershock set his family up alongside Hypno and naming his family The Asylum. These two Leaders shall make Las Vegas a fun place to gamble in once more. ~~~ Famous Mobster Sightings Who, What, When, Where and Why Curious about what the more famous of our world get up to during the week? Here's a look at what we here at the Chronicle were able to capture. Right Hand to the Lollipop Guild Sayyid, engaging in strange and naked activities in the Streets with Left Hand to the RIOT! RourkeyRourke. HarveyDent, Right Hand to the newly appointed Luxuria, reading a novel to himself as he ate at a well known Los Angeles Italian restaurtant. Las Vegas Wise Guy, Alan_Devonshire, buying a pair of slacks from a back alley shop in Detroit. Left Hand to FridgeRevenge of Philly, BugsBunny, attending a Carrot Consumers Anonymous meeting at the local recreation center. Premier, Consigliere from New York, buying a gun. What else is new? Wise Guy from New Orleans, TonyPapalia, jumping onto a bench in a park and trying to catch a bird that was seemingly dive-bombing him. Boss from Los Angeles Hickey, found roaming the streets with a pen, drawing moustaches onto any flyer he could come across. AdrianChampagne, Made Man from Las Vegas, swearing at a Casino attendant after having been told he was drinking too much. ~~~ Restaurant Review of the Week Under the Scope: Philly's Jimmy's Desire, a Bar and Grille Every week one of our reviewers will stop by a restaurant in a random city and will share which establishment they feel has impressed them the most. This week we've landed our sights on Philly- in particular, a little bar and grille called "Jimmy's Desire". A long running business since February, the owner is Brick_Pollitt. Though the man has moved onto bigger and better things, running his business in New Orleans, his establishment remains behind to signify the charm the man marked upon the city before his departure. Environment: Jimmy's Desire isn't for a rowdy crowd. Soft music and bright, attractive lighting sets the tone for this restaurant, decorated with modest wooden furniture and the occasional booth. Menus are already on the table, along with a complimentary basket of peanuts to munch upon while you make up your mind. This reviewer felt relaxed without being put to sleep. A rather enjoyable ambience all around. Menu: A simple Italian based menu, designed for quick service. This does not mean the food isn't delicious, as it is divine to behold! Service: Fast and efficient, the staff at Jimmy's Desire know that they are there for the customer and the customer only. Drinks are refilled before you can even ask and the food is cooked quickly without becoming sloppy in presentation. Clientele: While any mainstream mobster can dine and drink here now, when it was originally formed it was the hotspot for many of the big names in the Underworld. It was not uncommon to see many Dons and even a Godfather or two make an appearance or catch a bite to eat. There's even rumored to be a back corner reserved for V.I.P.s only, where you may still see Godfather Jimmy himself entertaining one or two other Mob Bosses from time to time. Our rating: Four out of five stars. Jimmy's Desire, along with being owned by celebrities to This Thing of Ours, serves its purpose if you want to get out and enjoy a nice meal with a few friends, or perhaps enjoy a few drinks on a late evening. We would've given the fifth star, but we're holding out for blackmail to see if we can get Brick back to run the place. Congratulations to Brick_Pollitt and Jimmy's Desire. If you too want to be one of the restaurants reviewed, make sure that you have a large, lovely and booming business! Be on your toes, you never know when you'll be next! ~~~ Own a business? Want some free advertising? Contact Godfather Marietta today and your company could be featured in the next issue of The Chronicle! ~~~ Interview with a Leader This Week: Los Angeles' Vicodin Interview by Reporter Miss R. Each week the Chronicle will be interviewing leaders they find interesting or that have done something to impact the Underworld in some way. These leaders will be asked several questions about their career, personal life, as well as their plans for the future. Below is the transcript of the interview with Vicodin. Hope you enjoy! Ms. R: Well good afternoon Don Vicodin! Vicodin: Afternoon Miss R. M: Thank you for your time today. As you know I am with an up and coming paper 'The Chronicle'. I'm very pleased I get the chance to interview you! V: I'm happy you considered me! M: Don't be silly! I find you fascinating. Anyway, I'm ready to start when you are. V: Let's begin then, shall we? M: For my own personal curiosity, of course, how did you get started in This Thing of Ours? For the full transcript of this interview, please turn to Section A-5. ~~~ This Week in LCN History Mobster Events of the Past Ever wonder what the Mafiosi of yester-year were up to? In this new segment we will be showing you just what they were up to during the week of April 2nd through the 9th. April 2nd: Intervention (The Revivals), Captain to then New York leader PrinceofCheese (L'Esercito Del Formaggio), gets the rank of Don. April 2nd: Intervention rogues against then Chicago leader CabTufting (The Partisans). Then New Orleans leader, l0v3h4and (Crazy Numbers), was killed for involvement in the rogue scheme, despite claims he was not. April 3rd: Following the death of Intervention, Tha_Doctor decided to rogue on his behalf. He was killed shortly thereafter. April 4th: PrinceofCheese announced his new captain following the death of Intervention: j0ngott1 (BoldSlanty). April 5th: Numbers4glory (Sindacato Dei Numeri) was authed to run his business out of Philly. April 9th: MR_47 (47 Enterprises) was authed to start his business in Chicago. ~~~ The Chronicle presents... Real Mobsters of Genius (Real mobsters of geeeeniiiuuuuuus!) Today we salute you, Mr. Bitching Young Son Thug Guy. (Mr. Bitching Young Son Thug Guy!) Young man, you are here to set right what is wrong. And what's wrong? Your parent was killed. (Imma gunna get revengeeeeeeeee!) Who cares what the reasons were? Reasoning? Who needs that? You've got a score to settle and settle it you will. (Has anyone seen Benjamin Button?!) Your mommy and daddy are dead. Dead dead dead. Dead and gone. Not coming back. (Mother fucker I'll cut YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!) So have yourself a nice, hot mug of coffee, Momma's Little Boy. With you on the prowl the rest of the Underworld never has to pay for a movie ever again. (Mr. Bitching Young Son Thug Guuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyy!) ~~~ Weather What Your Local Forecast is Saying Spring is here, spring is here! But is it spring where you are? Take a gander below and see what your weekend holds! Chicago: Starting out Friday night with a partly cloudy overlook, but those clouds quickly burn away to leave a sunshine filled weekend. Detroit: Friday kicks off the weekend with showers. Through Saturday it'll break way from partly cloudy to mostly sunny on Sunday. Las Vegas: Friday's storm will leave Saturday and Sunday partly cloudy. Bummer! Los Angeles: You'll look forward to Sunday's sun as Friday and Saturday will be filled with uncharacteristic rain. New Orleans: Thunderstorms all weekend, Nawliners! How unlucky! New York: Showers on Friday evening and Saturday morning will break away to sun around Saturday afternoon and straight through to Sunday. Philly: Similar to New York, Friday and Saturday's rain will pause long enough for a sunny Sunday. ~~~ Topic of the Week What's on Everyone's Mind? Every week we will ask seven people, one from every heavily populated crime city, to fill out a questionnaire, asking for their opinions on the subject at hand. They will be asked three questions each, and we at the Chronicle expect to receive a variety of responses! The subject of the week: Business Districts (Answers were posted in the order they were received from our volunteers.) How do you feel about the state of the Underworld's business districts at this current time? Rhuarc, Detroit: I don't tend to frequent them as much... For the rest of this article, please turn to Section C-3. ~~~ The Auth Boom New Crews the New Craze? Philly has five. New York has five. Detroit too has five. New Orleans has three, L.A. three as well. L.V. has two, Chicago- two... it seems that lately a trend has broken out across Crime, USA. More and more crime organizations have been springing up from the ground all across the country, creating what seems to be an influx of new mobsters flocking to- and staying- on our shores. In the past two weeks we saw the birth of two new Las Vegas crews, two Chicago crews, and two Los Angeles Crews. Philly even threw out another auth to stay competitive. Not to mention Detroit rearranging the face of almost its entire leadership, finally settling on four captains. It is plain for many to see that the cities are staying competitive with one another when it comes to running businesses on their turf. Yet the world continues waiting. Are we at the end of this "Crew Boom"? Or are we simply in a waiting period until the next round of authing begins? Only time will tell if authing has really become the newest "fad", or if we were simply just caught up in a serious industrial moment in time. ~~~ Obituaries and Retirements Rest In Peace A section where we respectfully honor and highlight the lives lost of those Made Rank and up. DonSancho DonSancho was a Made Man for Detroit Captain, LouisGato. Accepted into the mob on February 8th, it is sad to see him almost pass a month later. The man had several visitors as his funeral wake, including his own Boss Louis. The man will be missed by his family, friends and associates. He died on April 3rd. Rest in peace. Bugsy54 Bugsy54 was a Made Man for New York Leader Premier. After a few weeks in the life (his acceptance on March 21st), he was killed and the circumstances around it have been kept quiet. His Boss appeared at his funeral on April 6th, merely expressing sentiments of resting well and wishing to see his next of kin. God Rest Your Soul, Bugsy. Scarydan Scarydan was a Made Man for New Orleans Don, High_SocWinter_Hill. His Mafia birth was March 14th. It is rumored that Scarydan retired, a surprise move to many according to sources. Many eyewitnesses found High_Soc himself expressing his bewilderment over the man's sudden disappearance and death on April 6th. RIP. Diamond_Jim_Jr Diamond_Jim_Jr was a Capo in New Orleans, working for the Don High_Soc. He lived a full career from what many have said, having become a LCN associate on March 2nd. Seen at his funeral on April 7th was High_Soc himself was caught remarking "You know the reasons why this came to pass". Sleep sweet, DJ. -Poppy- Raised as a Capo under Munchkin in New Orleans, Miss Poppy lived a long life since her acceptance into This Thing of Ours on February 10th. In what seems to be a surprise move Poppy ended her own life. Munchkin was seen at the woman's funeral on April 8th, expressing her upset over the decision. Sleep sweet, Miss. A-Mac One of the many high rankers to have died recently, A-Mac was a Consigliere for HydroPhonic in Detroit and had been with them since February 8th. H.P. was found at the funeral in Detroit stating how amazing the man was and how she was upset over his loss. A-Mac went silently on April 8th, GRHS. Mtownmobsta The second Made Man from Nicky's Chicago family to die within twenty-four hours, Mtown began his career on December 16th. After living a very full life he died without reason just as his associate Assassin before him. His funeral took place on April 8th. Hope you are with the angels. Prozac Long standing Don and leader of The Pharmacy, Prozac decided that it was time for him to head into an early retirement. He joined the mob on October 4th, and after a successful career took his final plane ride into the tropics during the early morning hours of April 8th. He is survived by his appointed crewleaders and captains, Vicodin, Shagtastic and Luxuria, his Mistress Midol, and his wife Marietta. Aftershock A Las Vegas Don and Captain to Hypno, Aftershock worked as the head of The Asylum. He worked for Hypno since January 23rd. Many reasons surrounding his death were unknown until Right Hand to the Relentless Benjamin_Button made a formal announcement. His funeral, held on April 7th, contained many well wishers, friends and families. Rest well, Aftershock. ~~~ Horoscopes Since They're So Friggin Popular Want to know what the week holds? Well we can't tell you that. Get a glimpse about how it might turn out, though: Aries (March 21st through April 19th): Don't trust a word anyone says to you this week, Aries Mafiosi. All forms of communication are unreliable, so don't go shooting before you hear all of the story. Someone may even twist your words for their own personal gain! Wait it out and get the facts before acting, or else it could spell your own doom. To find your horoscope, please turn to Section D-7! ~~~ Thank you for reading the first edition of The Chronicle! Our staff really hopes you enjoyed it! We are always available to answer your questions at any time. Please contact the editor, Marietta, with any concerns you may have. Editor: Marietta Staff Reporter: Death-Knight If you would like to write for the Chronicle, please contact Marietta for more information and to set up an interview asap! Visit us in the coffee shops in #detchron |
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| Kittie reads the whole thing twice and is now faced with a giant dilemma. Use it for a bird cage? No bird. To train a puppy? No puppy. Well, maybe her pet Commander but she was pretty sure he was already house trained. She could use it to warm her hands at one of the many garbage can fires, but the ink made really black soot. Well, since the weather looked like it was going to suck all weekend she decided to save it to use as an umbrella since she'd broken hers over the head of a young gangster. | |
| Reply by: KittieCapone at Apr 10, '09 19:54 | |
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I didnt see my name anywhere in this!! Kicks a can across the sidewalk |
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| Reply by: Cav at Apr 10, '09 19:54 | |
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Beats Cav vigorously with the Chronicle. You haven't done anything stupid or amazing lately! |
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| Reply by: KittieCapone at Apr 10, '09 20:02 | |
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| Very good read | |
| Reply by: Rebel at Apr 10, '09 20:05 | |
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| Didnt see my father in there either goes to see just how little his importance was... | |
| Reply by: SalvatoreLucania at Apr 10, '09 20:10 | |
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"Boss from Los Angeles Hickey, found roaming the streets with a pen, drawing moustaches onto any flyer he could come across." What? Its fun and I was out of crayons. |
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| Reply by: Hickey at Apr 10, '09 20:12 | |
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| Excellent read looking forward to Issue 2 :) | |
| Reply by: TM-Scarface at Apr 10, '09 20:36 | |
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| Crap! I hate being a Gemini!!!! | |
| Reply by: ALEXRAAAAAAAAR at Apr 10, '09 20:59 | |
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| Sayyid got caught playing grabass? AGAIN?? | |
| Reply by: Hoagie at Apr 10, '09 21:02 | |
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| Thats CHILD ABUSE Kittie!!! | |
| Reply by: Cav at Apr 10, '09 22:07 | |
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She smiles as she places the paper down after reading it intently, her coffee growing cold as she forgot it existed. Looking up she sees Marietta pass by and waves her down. Smiling warmly at the Godfather of Detroit she bows her head in a sign of respect and speaks softly. Fantastic read, your paper has made my stay in Detroit a more enjoyable one. Thank yous go to you and your staff my dear. |
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| Reply by: Midol at Apr 10, '09 22:38 | |
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Kittie beats Cav a little harder. Wow. Not only was this an excellent read but a good weapon. Thank you Chronicle staff! |
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| Reply by: KittieCapone at Apr 10, '09 22:39 | |
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| awsome ,................... thats it just awsome | |
| Reply by: Alfredo-the-Mouth at Apr 10, '09 23:04 | |
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| Very well done. I really liked This Week in LCN History. It reminded me of the chisled sexiness of CabTufting. | |
| Reply by: Vic_Vaselino at Apr 10, '09 23:39 | |
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| Very nice Godmother, will definately be buying more | |
| Reply by: Frankie_Castellano at Apr 11, '09 01:05 | |
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An astounding first issue, Miss Rossi. I'm happy the newspaper business is back on track and rolling - you've certainly set the standard. I look forward to more issues and have instructed my delivery boy, Snapple, to deliver it on a constant schedule. Cheers! |
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| Reply by: Vicodin at Apr 11, '09 01:43 | |
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| It is amazing the amount of time and effort that seems to have been put into this. This is a great periodical and I hope it becomes a regular feature in our world. | |
| Reply by: Adrian at Apr 11, '09 06:05 | |
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Wow terrific .. Looking foward to the next edition ! |
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| Reply by: alfie_alviano at Apr 11, '09 06:20 | |
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| That was very realistic can't wait to see the next edition, keep up the good work. | |
| Reply by: CrazyRoss at Apr 11, '09 07:37 | |
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