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| The Chronicle - Issue Two | Started by: Marietta on Apr 17, '09 16:29 |
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THE CHRONICLE Your Underground Newspaper of Choice ~*~*~ Second edition and I couldn't be happier to be back in the newspaper business. Nothing makes me more excited than making deadlines and trying my best to entertain the masses. Oh yeah, DK and Rourkey had fun doing it do. I'm not forcing them into anything, I swear. Either way, enjoy the second issue. Hope you find everything to be satisfactory! Oh snap, Marietta Editor ~~~ Breaking News Something That Totally Just Happened Before We Went to Print Article by RourkeyRourke This is still a long subtitle. Remind me to crack the whip on the newest copy boy this week and I will guarantee something snappier. Most recently, Caius was given the opportunity to start up a family in New York with both the blessing of his former leader, Premier, and the ravishingly handsome Godfather, ThomasRourke. With the untimely death of The_Messiah a week ago, New York seemed to be just a tad bit empty and we here at the Chronicle feel that Caius will be an excellent addition to the Big Apple. Caius moved up the ranks quickly as a top-level upper structure member of Premier's Spanish Inquisition and obviously impressed both Premier and Thomas. Christening his family the "Gotham Mafia," Caius appears to be taking his time in selecting potential members for his family. This is an excellent strategy and will help ensure that only the top mafiosi find themselves ready for New York living! I contacted ThomasRourke for a comment directly, but his secretary told me he was busy sitting on a toilet made out of solid gold. Clearly his Obscenely Rich status hasn't clouded his judgment. The Detroit Chronicle will be making a $50,000 donation in Caius' name to the "Let's Get BrianRourke Circumcised Fund" in a celebration of his new status as a family head. If you see Caius walking around your street, please offer him your warmest wishes of congratulations. ~*~ Move Over Seven Cities The Gateway City Rumored to Hit the Scene A new city means new opportunity. Recently it was unofficially announced and passed through the grapevines that St. Louis, Missouri, would be joining the connected 'underworld' and become the eighth top crime city of the USA. Mobsters, City Hall and Gods alike are eagerly awaiting to see not only the type of business The Gateway City will bring, but whom the first sanctioned and recognized Mob Boss of the new city will be. Will the current Godfathers stick to their rule of authing by twos? Will families be moved? Will new women and men get their chance to shine? Only time will tell, but until then The Chronicle will be eagerly awaiting any news that we can share with you, the readers. Welcome aboard, St. Louis! ~~~ When Made Man Means Nothing Slap in the Face to Ranked Members Opinion Editorial Understandably it has been a long standing "decision" around here for many leaders to kill off the inactive members of their families. Why not? They're taking up room sleeping in one of your empty offices, they're not making you any money, and they sure as heck aren't alert and attentive to the family's needs. Shoot them in the neck, dump them in the river, and get rid of them I say. On the other hand I think we can all agree that the path to Made Man, and any rank thereafter, is a long and rocky one. You have to work your ass off to achieve something, to gain entrance to the inner sanctums of your family. With those accomplishments come a sense of pride; after all those long days and nights of loyalty, your family is finally pledging their loyalty back to you. Or at least, they should be. Every day more and more sponsored people die. Yes, people break rules. Good, get rid of them. Yes, some people choose to end their own lives. Fine, let them go. Why oh why, however, is it that almost every two days we see a high ranker killed for being "inactive", only to have their next of kin join us just moments after the fact? I'm not telling people how to run their businesses. Heavens no. Yet if someone has whittled their fingers down to the bone for you and your family, and you deemed them worthy enough to be apart of your Upper Tier, why would you kill them off just 'because'? Don't you lie and tell me your crews are full because I know they sure as hell are not. Give it a moment's pause before you kill off a high ranker for being "inactive". If they worked that hard for you, to get all the way to Made, Capo, Boss, Consig... why would you think that they've abandoned you for good? It's disrespectful to give a high ranker an improper send off just for an extra, open office in the headquarters. ~~~ Advice from Amy Questions? She Can Answer! Advice Column by Amy Annie Moose Q: Dearest Amy, How can you tell the difference between a Crew Leader and a Captain? There are lots of families in the cities right now, and I really cannot tell the difference between any of them. Can you clarify? Thanks, Totally Do Not Get It A: Totally, I understand your pain. Things are quite confusing lately. How can you tell a difference between a Crew Leader and a Captain? Well, sadly, you sort of have to ask. Trying to make it easier for everyone I've taken the liberty of compiling a list: Chicago: Nicky- CL, TM-Scarface- Captain, Persian- Captain Detroit: Marietta- Godmother, HydroPhonic- Captain, Cruel- Captain, Death-Knight- Captain, SalvatoreGato- Captain Las Vegas: Hypno- Godfather, MacLeod- CL, Frankie_Gogolak- Captain Los Angeles: Vicodin- CL, Luxuria- Captain, Shagtastic- Captain New Orleans: Munchkin- CL, Brick_Pollitt- CL New York: ThomasRourke- Godfather, Phantom_Ghost- CL, Premier- CL Philly: JimmyTheLionHeart- Godfather, -Rusko- -Captain, Giovanni- Captain, Akasha- Captain Seriously hope that helps. If not, what a giant waste of my time. - Amy If you would like to write to Amy, please send a letter to Advice from Amy, Care of Marietta ~~~ New in the Seven Cities Bringing You Chatter from the Underworld Current Events Article by Death-Knight Detroit: Recently in Detroit Rock City, nothing much has been happening. The Captains all launched the opening of their families new Bars and Restaurants. Other than that Detroit Rock City hasn't had much action recently. New York: New York had been busy after one of their Crew Leaders The_Messiah had been shot down in cold blood by the late Philly Crew Leader FridgeRevevnge. Godfather ThomasRourke acted quickly and made sure this threat was gone. Godfather JimmyTheLionHeart apologized to everyone for FridgeRevenge's actions. Then after a few days Persian was asked by Nicky the Don of Chicago if he would like to come and move his family into Chicago, Persian agreed to this and ThomasRourke said ok for him to leave and Persian moved his family into Chicago. Chicago: In Chicago recently all that has been happening is Persian moving his family into the windy city. Don Nicky asked him to move there as his second Captain, Persian and ThomasRourke agreed to these matters and the deal with Persian moving went through. Los Angeles: Don Prozac eventually retired and left this city in Vicodin's hands. The first thing Vicodin did was change the Pick Pocketing rule and made it the normal Pick Pocketing rules; Ask permission unless the quote says otherwise. Shagtastic and Luxuria settled their families down along side Vicodin and they all started to finish what Don Prozac has started in making Los Angeles a great city to live in. New Orleans: In New Orleans this week it had been quiet until late Don High_SocWinter_Hill was killed. All of his members and many people were saddened at his death. High_Soc's members were given protection by ForkRourke and JimmyTheLionHeart they were to find a new family and work just as hard as they did when they were with High_Soc. Philadelphia: In Philly recently nothing much has been happening other then FridgeRevenge going rogue and killing The_Messiah. JimmyTheLionHeart after he found out all that had happened he then went and apologized to everyone and he stated that he had made a bad choice in picking FridgeRevenge to be one of his captains in Philly. Las Vegas: Recently in Las Vegas a lot has been happening. Hypno reached the extreme rank of Godfather and His trusted RHM Macleod took over his family. Godfather Hypno then authorized Frankie_Gogolak ,into Las Vegas as his second Captain. Macleod and Frankie were both happy to finally be given the chance to show Godfather Hypno they are what it takes to be great Leaders. ~~~ Famous Mobster Sightings Who, What, When, Where and Why Curious about what the more famous of our world get up to during the week? Here's a look at what we here at the Chronicle were able to capture. Sam_Giancana, Made Man for Nicky in Chicago, rushing across the street in afternoon traffic after a stray dog that had seemingly stolen a package of cocaine. Don of New Orleans, Brick_Pollitt, educating young mobsters in the Streets on knowing their place and keeping their mouths shut. Because Stone Cold said so. New Las Vegas Captain Frankie_Gogolak, forcing young goombas and gangsters to spit shine his loafers as he was walking. Stenchman, Left Hand to the Dub Police, teaching a pole dancing class at the local Philly recreation center. No one moves quite like Stenchman! Capo from Detroit, Alfredo-the-Mouth, eating a plate of lasagna while he sat on the sidewalk outside Gato's Buscetta Pasta. Right Hand Woman AngelaBaker shushing Goombas from her family while she read a book series, taking notes for her Book Club meeting with Godmother Marietta later that evening. Local and outrageous homeless man, Cav, screaming at pigeons on a New Orleans park bench for "encroaching upon his territory". Theguy_u_wish_u_were, New York citizen, admiring himself in a mirror while people watched on eagerly and enviously. ~~~ Restaurant Review of the Week Under the Scope: Chicago's Sweet Little Things Every week one of our reviewers will stop by a restaurant in a random city and will share which establishment they feel has impressed them the most. This week we've landed our sights a tasty little Chicago business called "Sweet Little Things". After the success of his original business premises in Detroit, Tommy_Killa (Left Hand to Salvatore Gato) decided to open a second location for his candy shop in Chicago. It's so new, in fact, that it only opened just days ago. Environment: Bee-you-tee-full! As if you're stuck in your sweetest dreams from childhood. With large display windows gracing the front of the store, you would be surprised at how much room is left inside the brick building. Enjoy your sweets at a counter? As if! Sweet Little Things provides comfortable armchairs and small, modest tables with mosaic tops. The amber carpet is plush and divine underneath your feet. Relaxed, simple... the perfect environment to enjoy a sugar binge in. Menu: Have a sweet tooth? Look no further. Sweet Little Things offers an amazing variety of candies, stemming from chocolates to gummies, from chewy to melty. The entire menu is enough to make a woman's mouth water. Thirsty? Talk to the soda jerk about fulfilling your sugar drink needs. More exciting than their public menu, however, is the private menu they can offer to you, filled with other types of "candies" and "drinks"... if you catch the drift. Service: The employees at Sweet Little Things are polite and geared towards fast and effective service. Almost as if they were hiring based off personalities, everyone there seems "sweet" beyond belief. Clientele: People with chocolate cravings and people in the sweetest stages of love seem to call this place their hang out. Everyone is easy going, not the rowdy bar-hopping type. Our rating: Four out of five stars. The place is beautiful, but we're going to wait to see how long this place stays in business before we hand Tommy that fifth and illustrious star. From what we can see, though, this place is going to be a big hit for Chicago. Congratulations to Tommy_Killa and Sweet Little Things. If you too want to be one of the restaurants reviewed, make sure that you have a large, lovely and booming business! Be on your toes, you never know when you'll be next! ~~~ Own a business? Want some free advertising? Contact Godfather Marietta today and your company could be featured in the next issue of The Chronicle! ~~~ Interview with a Leader This Week: Chicago's Nicky Interview by Reporter Miss R. Each week the Chronicle will be interviewing leaders they find interesting or that have done something to impact the Underworld in some way. These leaders will be asked several questions about their career, personal life, as well as their plans for the future. Below is the transcript of the interview with Don Nicky. Hope you enjoy! Miss R.: Good afternoon, Don Nicky! Thank you so much for joining me. Nicky: Thank you for having me Godmother. I must say this is an honor. M: Not at all, not at all. Well, the first question I like to ask all the leaders is this: How did you get started in This Thing of Ours? N: Well I learned my ways from... For the full transcript of this interview, please turn to Section A-5. ~~~ This Week in LCN History Mobster Events of the Past Ever wonder what the Mafiosi of yester-year were up to? In this new segment we will be showing you just what they were up to during the "noob"-crazy week of April 10th through the 16th. The Gods and City Hall announce their plans to seduce more people to This Thing of Ours. Mobsters far and wide jumped on the band-wagon to chip in and do their part. April 11th: Kendra_McTavish releases 48 Hour Survival Guide for new members of the world- still in circulation today. April 14th: Then Las Vegas leader Ellis (The 13th) sets up his first captain- Sammy (The Foundation). April 14th: Mobster K-Dawg warns everyone of a large outbreak of OOCitis in a moving street speech. April 14th: Then Los Angeles leader El_Nino (The Lost Souls) names his new captain, JD (The Forgotten Souls). April 14th: Then Chicago Leader Mr_47 (47 Enterprises) makes a public service announcement to the new bloodlines on how to join a crew/get started in This Thing of Ours. April 15th: Mobster Major_Jerkovski makes an enticing speech about the inactivity in the streets; he stated "Its not worth the public ridicule for some people to stand up on their soap boxs in the streets. I myself rather hear what people have to say even if its not said perfectly, then not hear anything at all." ~~~ The Chronicle presents... Real Mobsters of Genius (Real mobsters of geeeeniiiuuuuuus!) Today we salute you, Mr. Annoying No Breath-Taker. (Mr. Annoying No Breath-Takaaah!) You have a love for speaking, especially in public. In long winded sentences, no less. (God I'm really good at thiiiisss!) Your inability to pause between sentences not only confuses us, but amuses us as well. (Can't you understand me?!) Do you even breathe, friend? You rattle off debates about honor and loyalty like you're announcing a horse race at the track. (RedNoGreenNoRed is in the LEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!) So have yourself a nice, hot mug of coffee, Blue in the Face. As long as you continue to speak at high speeds without pause, we'll be sure to avoid you. (Mr. Annoying No Breath Taaaaaaaaaakeeeeeeer!) ~~~ Weather What Your Local Forecast is Saying Spring is here, spring is here! But is it spring where you are? Take a gander below and see what your weekend holds! Chicago: Friday will start us off sunny, moving into partly cloudy over Saturday. Sunday those clouds will start to pour, giving us a wet start to next week. Detroit: Friday and Saturday will prove to be sunny for Detroit, moving into mostly showers on Sunday. Las Vegas: A completely sunny weekend, Vegas. Enjoy! Los Angeles: Much like the other West Coast city, L.A. will be receiving a wealth of sunshine all weekend long. New Orleans: Thunderstorms all weekend again, Nawliners! Keep an eye on your roof during these high winds! New York: New York will remain warm for most of the weekend, only breaking up a bit on Sunday for some partly cloudy skies. Philly: A sunny weekend for Philly. That sun will only partially disappear behind clouds come Sunday and moving into Monday. ~~~ Topic of the Week What's on Everyone's Mind? Every week we will ask seven people, one from every heavily populated crime city, to fill out a questionnaire, asking for their opinions on the subject at hand. They will be asked three questions each, and we at the Chronicle expect to receive a variety of responses! The subject of the week: Due to a newer bloodline's comments in the Streets, the topic this week is "Noobs". (Answers were posted in the order they were received.) Have you ever personally helped a new bloodline? Recount the experience for us, if you have. Leone, Chicago: Yes I have helped well I hoped I've helped a few bloodlines, told them how to make money quickly how to get promoted fast etc. For the rest of this article, please turn to Section C-3. ~~~ Contests and Competitions on the Streets One of the Most Overlooked Staples of Our World No one can probably ever remember how they started, or where they came from, or why they exist. All we as members of This Thing of Ours know is that Contests have long been a part of our society. Everything from Lotteries to Scavenger Hunts, competitions for Leader Authorization or Business Districts, they've all been around to serve the purpose of keeping this place active and well, a damn great place to work. Money, power, recognition- whatever the rhyme or reason contests spark something within all who participate. The fever of competition and the spirit of contest seems to attract a variety of Mobsters. Many leaders seem to hold those old traditions dear, for after this reporter stepped onto the Streets we were happy to find that two leaders seem to be running their own competitions at the moment. Nicky, Don of Chicago, has recently completed the first leg of his Business District competition. People were required to build a business in the appropriate Chicago Districts. With the help of the other cities' Godfathers, Nicky judged the new establishments on professionalism, neatness, service as well as dor and a few other small factors. After the winners for this was announced, he reminded everyone that part two was about to begin. Part two is all going to be devoted to bringing in business. The new owners will concentrate on marketing their product and the winner of that will be, obviously, those who are most successful in their attempts. Over in New York Phantom_Ghost and his Right Hand BuddyNielson have announced that it's open season on their pockets. That's right, folks! PG made a formal announcement that anyone who could successfully pickpocket them on the hour mark would walk away with more than just 5K. If you manage to PP them on an off minute, however, you would owe them money. An exciting spin on the normal pick pocketing contests, if we do say so ourselves. For more information on both of these competitions, ask the men themselves or view transcripts of their speeches in the Streets. Congratulations to both Nicky and Phantom_Ghost for taking the initiative to keeping the Streets entertaining and profitable for all. We at The Chronicle can only hope that many more Leaders decide to follow in your shoes and come up with a few contests and competitions of their own. ~~~ Obituaries and Retirements Rest In Peace A section where we respectfully honor and highlight the lives lost of those Made Rank and up. Carmine_Ttrapani After entering the mob on January 13th, Carmine's long career finally drew to a close. He worked as a Capo in Detroit for Captain SalvatoreGato, having worked closely with LouisGato before that. Left Hand man to the family, he was severely missed and many attended his funeral. His funeral took place on April 13th, where Sal, Right Hand Shirley_Ackers and Godmother Marietta all personally attended. Rest in peace. EvanC21 Made Man for -Rusko- in Philly, EvanC21 died alone on April 14th. After almost a month in This Thing of Ours (having been accepted into a family March 19th), Evan's life came to a sad and tragic end. Not one person attended the man's funeral. Sleep sweet, Evan. PhilTesta Former Capo and Left Hand for Captain Death-Knight in Detroit, PhilTesta's journey in the underworld ended on April 15th. Overheard speaking at his funeral was Death-Knight himself, commenting about rule breaking. GRYS, Phil. Tabula_Rasa Working for Godfather Jimmy himself in Philly, Tabula died as a Made Man on April 15th. After four months in This Thing of Ours, December 10th being Tabula's date of acceptance, the life of the Mobster ended alone and in a coma it seems. No one from the immediate Philly family has attended the funeral. Sleep sweet, Tabula. High_SocWinter_Hill Don in New Orleans, one of the Street Bosses to JimmyTheLionHeart himself, Mister WinterHill was killed in the early morning hours of April 16th. No real reason has been released as to why yet. After a long and fulfilling career, the man's final resting place called him home. His funeral was filled with well-wishers and admirers. Rest in peace, Don Winterhill. Raptor Though he died as an unsponsored Capo, Raptor had an industrious career with High_Soc and the Winter Hill Gang. One time Editor of the newspaper "The Mafia Maxim", his life of crime ended April 16th. Godfather Jimmy himself attended the funeral, stating that the coma the man had fallen in to was the reason for his death. Sleep sweet, Sir. Ace_of_spades Former member and Made Man for High_Soc, it seems that Ace could not live on without his Boss. He retired on April 16th, causing outrage and upset from many New Orleans citizens. Godfather Jimmy expressed his sentiments at the funeral that was held. GRYS. ~~~ Money Money Money Money Give Away The Editor has too much money than she knows what to do with sometimes. What better way than to reward readers of The Chronicle? Everyone who purchased a copy of the paper last week had their personal information taken down by one of our salesmen. Their names were put into a hat, and three names were drawn. These three people will all become winners of 100K each! And this week's winners were... Alfredo-the-Mouth, Hickey and Alfie_Alviano Congratulations! The money has been wired to your bank accounts. Enjoy! Remember to buy your copy of The Chronicle. You never know- next week you would be a winner! ~~~ Horoscopes Since They're So Friggin Popular Want to know what the week holds? Well we can't tell you that. Get a glimpse about how it might turn out, though: Aries (March 21st through April 19th): Don't jump ahead and make drastic changes this week without thinking, Aries. This week seems to think it would be better to think up a few ideas to be implemented when the timing is better. Keep an ear out for excellent news from the upper structure in your family. To find your horoscope, please turn to Section D-7! ~~~ Thank you for reading the second edition of The Chronicle! Our staff really hopes you enjoyed it! We are always available to answer your questions at any time. Please contact the editor, Marietta, with any concerns you may have. Editor: Marietta Staff Reporter: Death-Knight Staff Reporter: RourkeyRourke If you would like to write for the Chronicle, please contact Marietta for more information and to set up an interview asap! Visit us in the coffee shops in #detchron |
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Great! another excellent issue and with great honour to see my name mentioned twice! *walks away wondering why his name isn't mentioned more often around here |
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| Reply by: Frankie_Gogolak at Apr 17, '09 16:40 | |
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"A delightful, and insightful read" I move to take a sip of my coffee before realising it's stone cold. "How long have a been sat here?" |
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| Reply by: Clockwork at Apr 17, '09 16:58 | |
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| I got mentioned | |
| Reply by: Sam_Giancana at Apr 17, '09 17:14 | |
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| "I really enjoy the read and thank you it was amazing." | |
| Reply by: Lil_Wayne at Apr 17, '09 17:16 | |
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Great work, really sums up whats been going on but in an easy to read and enjoyable way. I only popped by because i was mentioned but soon found myself indulged in the paper. Thanks Roni puts the paper down before he gets to excited |
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| Reply by: Roni_Size at Apr 17, '09 17:51 | |
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Wow. Marietta you really are a great new reporter... what am i saying im part of it !! Nicely written Mom :) <333 Cant wait to begin nextweeks :) |
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| Reply by: Death-Knight at Apr 17, '09 17:52 | |
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| I love it. | |
| Reply by: Hickey at Apr 17, '09 17:55 | |
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Damit Hickey.. Sighs at his three words replies Anyways, great issue and I agree with Cav being a homeless man.. he yells at me everyday! This was a great issue to do telling the happenings of every city, obits and the news thats worth while. Thanks for the hard work and keeping this paper going, we appriciate it! |
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| Reply by: StripheVenzetti at Apr 17, '09 18:11 | |
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| I really love it. | |
| Reply by: Hickey at Apr 17, '09 18:12 | |
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Smiles while looking at the graveyard.. while reading this great newspaper There are alot of things I love, and would love to see.. and I think im not the only one that agrees. Goes back to blowing money in the casino, rather than wasting his time listening to gibberish |
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| Reply by: StripheVenzetti at Apr 17, '09 18:17 | |
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I am not homeless! I just prefer benches over beds. Really good for your back I hear. And as for the pigeons...theyre so lucky Im not allowed a gun... Striphe stfu and get to work. Good issue. |
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| Reply by: Cav at Apr 17, '09 18:35 | |
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After singing the "Real Mobsters of Genius" section, Ember waves her hands at Marietta I would like to subscribe to this paper and have it delivered on my doorstep with every issue. Tell the delivery person to knock on my door to the beat of 'Mary Had a Little Lamb" while reciting his weekly grocery list... so I know it's him... Ember smiles quaintly and dashes off to wait at her doorstep. |
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| Reply by: Ember at Apr 17, '09 18:41 | |
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| I like it, very nice piece of work. I'm not even going to count how often my name comes up, my head would just inflate to the size of Rourkey's beard. | |
| Reply by: Persian at Apr 17, '09 19:05 | |
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Ruaidhri_M walks over to a young boy selling papers and buys one,he sits down and starts to read. What a great paper. |
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| Reply by: Ruaidhri_M at Apr 17, '09 19:11 | |
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Beats Cav viciously with her copy of the paper until he whimpers like a pigeon. (Yes, pigeons whimper) Excellent issue Godmother! I plan on submitting one of my ristorantes for revue. But perhaps you need a new weatherman? Until NO gets sunny skies again I will continue to beat Cav. |
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| Reply by: KittieCapone at Apr 17, '09 21:36 | |
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Once again you write to impress. PG bows in the existence of the paper. |
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| Reply by: Phantom_Ghost at Apr 17, '09 22:04 | |
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| Yet another great newspaper released in our "underworld".. great read :D | |
| Reply by: TheTerminator at Apr 18, '09 00:18 | |
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| Very nice work, Marietta. You never cease to amaze me with your journalism. Rourkey and DK are pretty okay as well. | |
| Reply by: Aurora at Apr 18, '09 00:33 | |
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| This is a very good read. I'm glad we will continue to receive issue after issue. It is sad to see some ventures like this whither after their second or third edition, but I reckon we will see many more editions of "The Chronicle". | |
| Reply by: Adrian at Apr 18, '09 00:34 | |
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