"I'm all in..." Barry said as he pushed the rest of his stack into the middle which caused a whistle of appreciation from Kelly_Kapowski to his left. Whistle all you want bitch, Barry thought, I'm coming for you next. Satanta muttered something about table etiquette in his day, back when he was a young man (so 50-60 years ago) bouncing Utopia on his knee, but Barry didn't rise to it and just kept his eyes firmly locked on Achilles. This wasn't his first rodeo and he was sure this time he was going to go all the way. He had been patient throughout the tournament, waiting for the right opportunity to double up and move into a more commanding position, which his almost limitless poker skill dictated he deserved. Plus, he didn't think Achilles had shit, as usual, so the timing seemed perfect.

It had been a long road for him to get here. He had entered the inaugural tournament after a few too many sherberts on the town, so he hadn't even been able to complete it, much to Gravity's delight. That bastard. But he had made up for it the following week, dominating proceedings from the beginning and entering heads up on the final table with a significant chip lead. Satanta had mistaken him for a lowly Tom, Dick or Spunky and had been offering him advice on how to play right up until he turfed the old boy out on his ear. Despite this highlight, fate had spoiled his victory parade and a pitiful run of luck saw him overhauled by the weaker hands, and in Barry's opinion, the weaker man. Today was going to be different though, Barry could feel it in his bones.

"I'll call. YOLO right?! Ha ha!" Achilles preened as he delicately slid his remaining chips forward. Barry had always hated him and now he was going to have the ideal opportunity to shut down this peacock once and for all. 

"Two pair" Barry said as he flipped his cards over with a barely concealed smile on his lips. Domino, motherfucker. 

He showed his Ace and Queen of hearts, matching up with the Ace, Queen and 7 of the flop. Unless Achilles was holding a pocket pair in this stumpy little fingers, which given his lack of talent was about as likely as a street appearance from Cantillon, made Barry a huge favourite to take down the pot. 

"Well, shit! Just a pair of 7s here" Groaned Achilles as he showed his lowly King of clubs and 7 of diamonds. "That's me done then" he whined much to the mirth of the rest of the table as CatBug pulled a squiggly face and TinyTina remained disinterested, treating the whole event as some sort of meat market, paying little attention to anything happening above the belt. They would all get their comeuppance in time, these pathetic specimen, disgraces all to the good name of poker; Barry was sure of it. But here and now it was to be Achilles first though and he would savour the moment.

"Unlucky mate" He cooed, donning his favourite, most patronising, shit eating grin in the process. 

The dealer waited politely for other remarks to be made about just how shitty Achilles hand was before dealing the turn card; 3 of spades. No help there Barry thought to himself, nodding his approval. This would be his chance to take home the crown that had so far eluded him and if that meant he could shove it in Kelly_Kapowski's face, all the better. He clicked his fingers to one of the no-name associates around the table to fetch Achilles pink jacket for him; it was cold outside and this would be over soon. Whilst he disliked the man, he wasn't completely heartless and someone had to look after Achilles poodle, after all. 

But as Batiatus scuttled away to fetch it, what was meant to be his moment of triumph turned to piss and shit in front of his eyes as Barry's perfectly crafted play fell on it's arse. 

The fucking rain river. 

"Oh my golly gosh!!" Achilles cried in delight as the dealer revealed the last card, a 7 of clubs, landing him his only possible winning hand, 3 7s, and knocking Barry out in the process. Achilles punched the air with one flimsy, well manicured manicured fist, a whore's smile plastered to his ugly face and Barry's disgust rose almost as steadily as his loathing for the man. 

"You lucky little fuck." Barry muttered under his breath as he pushed his chair back under the table. Not too quickly and none too slowly either. He made an exit, his dignity only slightly damaged by the luck of Achilles, but try as he might, he couldn't help but hear the mocking taunts of Kelly_Kapowski as he departed. That smug, bitch. He hoped she didn't win again. He had grown tired of her "all in" squawks being rewarded by the perfect flop, time after time. 

Keep calm, Barry, he told himself as he worried away at his forehead on the way back to his hotel. There would be another tournament and another chance to claim his rightful place as King of the MafiaReturns Poker scene - the only worthwhile kingdom to rule over. He would have his revenge yet, even if today wasn't going to be that day. 

And, if nothing else, he had still beaten that decrepit old bastard Satanta, so it could be worse. 

Barry strummed his fingers on the table as he looked over at MichaelLaMotta. He studied his face, looking for some sign of what the man was holding but he wasn't giving anything away. Barry flicked the edges of his cards again, seeing the QQ looking back at him. There was only one play available to him...

"I'm all in..."

He had been looking forward to this moment all night; all week really, maybe even his whole life. Christmas had been a time of anticipation rather than celebration for Barry as all he really wanted Santa to bring him was the poker crown that continued to elude him. This was his opportunity, he knew it, but it had been slow going. 

He had arrived and taken his seat next to his nemesis, Kelly_Kapowski and made it a point to studious ignore her, despite her repeated efforts to engage him. Anything he could do to rattle her and maybe give himself an edge over the crafty bitch, he would attempt. He also ignored TinyTina's continued advances, but that was more for self-preservation than a tactic to succeed in the poker game. She was a predator and Barry didn't want to be her next steak dinner. 

Despite his best efforts, it was a slow start with the cards seemingly against him. He waited as Cozz chased and fished after every hand, as was his strategy, hitting some, missing most. The only highlight was a full house which won him a lousy 2000 chips. By the time of the first break, he had only played 5 hands. Kelly was in the same boat and she tried to discuss the matter with Barry who mouthed "die, bitch" under his breath in response. Smooth Bazza, smooth.

Things had picked up shortly thereafter and a few quick wins saw him moved to the final table. He was seated next to Izzy, a huge chip leader, with a now desperate Kelly, still ever present at his side but a short stack. He envisioned the victory over her and how sweet it would be, but fate denied him the chance to crush her himself. She left under a cloud, clacking her heels in a sulk and firing obscenities in Cozz's direction. His luck in acquiring so many chips had ruffled her feathers more than Barry's mind games had managed. Still, a chip and a chair and all that, so Barry persevered and things improved.

And now here he was. He had seen off all the rivals and now only himself, MichaelLaMotta, Cozz and Izzy remained. Izzy was fast asleep in his chair, dying from a thousand cuts as the blinds and ante milked his stack drier than The_Stig's mother, so Barry knew he only had to beat the other two. He was the small stack, with $50,000 in chips in front of him. He wasn't going to get a better opportunity than this to gain his advantage. He was going to demolish these two clowns.

"I'll call" cooed MichaelLaMotta as he flipped over his hole cards. A pair of 8s. Barry grinned and showed his hand.

"The ladies"  he announced with satisfaction as Michael's face dropped. Take that, motherfucker. This is how champions are born.

...only not today.

The dealer dealt the flop and bailed the huge underdog right out of jail - 10, 4, 8. Barry's arse fell out of his trousers. His two queens now meant nothing against Michael's trip 8's. The turn didn't help him. He sweated on "the Cozz", the river, and prayed it was a queen. 

It wasn't.

He didn't have Achilles' luck.

He was out.

Michael had the decency to look sheepish, but Barry didn't want to hear it. Another tournament gone, another fourth place finish and another crown wrestled away from him by bad luck. 

"Wow. Sorry buddy!" Michael said offering Barry his hand. Barry looked at it like it was covered in shit and reluctantly gave it a cursory shake before heading for the door. One day the stars would align and his day would come.

It had to, didn't it?

A wonderfully frank and honest summation of the game's happenings.  Quite obviously I need to change my tactics and play every single goddamn hand under the sun.

You can't beat calling a pre flop raise with absolutely jack shit and taking everyone's cold, hard, cash eh?  I shall be investing in some new fishing gear shortly.

Congratulations on 4^th place though, Barry

A valiant effort indeed..........

Seeing his nemesis Kelly_Kapowski in the daylight outside of the poker room did nothing to lessen Barry's hatred. He recalled a similar feeling which he used to hold towards a young scamp by the name of Smoke, now sadly in the earth. What a shame.

It was a troubling time for us both Kelly, I'm sure.

"I hate you" he thought to himself.

I can't help but look at your two crowns though and feel my pain is somewhat greater. Unless they start paying out for 4th at least, then I'm quids in.