| May 17 - 10:11:43 |
|
| Post Reply | Post new topic | Page: 1 |
| Now with 50% more PURE EVIL | Started by: Sayyid on Apr 28, '09 14:01 |
|
A gaunt munchkin hangs suspended in a gibbet in front of the Pure Evil Candy Shop. Every now and again he whimpers slightly and a winged monkey shrieks and shakes the cage to silence the pathetic midget. "Buh, buh, but" "OOUH OOUH AH AH AH!" "But I just asked if I could have a drink of water! Let me down! Somebody, won't you help me?" "A'AH AH AH!" The monkey rattled the gibbet furiously before flapping its wings a few times as it wafted down to kick the bound munchkin in the shin, eliciting a shriek of agony from the insolent prisoner. After a few minutes of pestering the dwarf, another winged monkey flies out of the chimney of the Pure Evil Candy Shop with a piece of paper. Taping the paper in front of captive, the monkey gestures and shrieks a few times to indicate that the announcement must be read aloud. After a few stammering starts and a few thrashings of the cage, the munchkin is finally able to muster a full-throated announcement. "HEAR YE, HEAR YE! Be it hereby announced, on this the twenty-eighth day of the month of April of this ambiguously prohibition-era year! HEAR YE, HEAR YE! The one known as Sayyid the Munchkin has been driven over the edge by the insolence, the disrespectful tone, the pathetic grovelling, and the ignorance of various denizens of this thing of ours. LET IT BE KNOWN TO YE, that the one known as Sayyid the Munchkin has been TRANSMOGRIFIED into an evil winged monkey exactly one half of the time, and any who dare to disturb him while His Excellency the Winged One enjoys the sufferings of the innocent will not be spared his wrath! That's right, the Evil Monkey Sayyid has been known to knock out those who approach him with inappropriate requests and tattoo a description of their crime upon their forehead, he has been known to use the brutal lash of the whip to ensure that all of his unreasonable decrees are followed exactly, even when the decrees contradict each other, and he has even been known to keep a supply of kittens to step on when he feels like there is not enough suffering in the world ... which is ALWAYS! Er, at least, it's half the time, when he's in his evil flying monkey form. The other half the time I hear he's a perfectly pleasant old gent. "BE YE WARNED! Evil Sayyid now stalks the streets of New Orleans, and those who provoke his wrath shall have no quarter. Those who approach the great lady Munchkin in improper order and without the proper tone of respect shall be spared no suffering. Those who disrespect her in any way whatsoever shall be punished in the most dramatic manner Evil Sayyid can determine at the time, much like this insolent prisoner delivering the message righ... right now. Who will now be punished by ... OH JESUS, NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!" A pair of monkeys fly up and grab the cage from the gibbet and drop it into a pit labeled "salt water production facility," where munchkins are sent to cry their perfectly-flavored tears to be used in making taffy. |
|
| Report Post | Tip |
|
As you wish Don Sayyid. William_Washtub takes out a note pad and a pencil, and marks down the words Note to self: Don't Piss off Don Sayyid, then continues to find himself a home for the night. |
|
| Reply by: William_Washtub at Apr 28, '09 20:40 | |
| Report Post | Tip |
| Post Reply | View All Threads | Page: 1 |
How much do you want to tip for this post?
Minimum $20,000
Minimum $20,000
