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| Of Las Vegas, Power Outages, and SporkRourke | Started by: Brick_Pollitt on Apr 30, '09 10:40 |
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So, everybody wants to know about Las Vegas, and how the city became empty overnight. Well, I've reviewed my journals and can give you the answers you so desire. As the spokesman for pauses to scratch his head and come up with something believable Las Vegas Redevelopment Commission, I've been asked to make this announcement only once. And when I say asked, I mean I decided of my own free will to inform the public. I will tell you this once, then expect that I will not hear any more questions about Las Vegas. Brick stacks his journals on the podium, pushes several to the side and finds Volume 10, opens it to the third section, beginning with chapter 10. He begins reading the illegible writing on the page, making up what he can't decipher. Then he pauses for a moment, and drifts off on a tangent. Yes, I write everything down. You should see what I have written about the antics in Elegido's HQ. I mean you want to talk about some crazy stuff? Remind me to tell you the story of "Elegido After Dark" ...but that's a story for another day on another corner, probably in the red light district. Okay, Las Vegas. begins to read again "The inhabitants of the city are now gone. What was once a bustling metropolitan phenomenon with leadership who had unique ideas about violence and secrecy is not only a desert in the middle of nowhere. No, not dessert. Desert - sand, cactus, no water - desert. What was once SIN city is now only dust and rubble. From the look of things, I'd say that God was unhappy with the degree of sin that had taken over the city. I mean hookers everywhere, hoods with guns, and a place where you could get both books and beer. Who's ever heard of a place where you can get books AND beer? It's blasphemy. And God was having none of it. And so he struck down the city's inhabitants. I swore I could hear the hushed whisper of the wind. "if you destroy it, they will come." And I was like, What the Fu...? But then I realized, that wasn't God whispering, that was my drunk-ass associate, Money-B, who just says shit that has no meaning. So, I smacked him on the back of the head, and shrugged it off, in search of the real story. " The Real Story: So after I laughed off God striking down the inhabitants, I went out in search of the truth. What I found was SporkRourke. You see, ForkRourke, after a night of hookers, beer, books, and cloning created (out of the lint from between his toes, a hair from an area that I can't even describe without getting sick, two toenails, and an ounce of whiskey) a little known addition to the Rourke family, SporkRourke. Part ForkRourke, part RourkeyRourke, part toenail, and with only half a brain, somebody felt the need to give SporkRourke a gun. I have no idea why, but that's beside the point. Well, not really, that IS the point, but I just wanted to say that's beside the point. Oh, I should tell you why they called him SporkRourke. Some say he got the name because he was twice as useful as ForkRourke. Others say he got the name because of his round head and three growths coming out of the top of his head. Regardless, He was the cause of the events that took out the residents of the city of Las Vegas. You see, SporkRourke was fascinated with his shiny new gun. And he liked the funny sound it made when he pulled the trigger. He'd pull the trigger, hear the bang, then smile and clap. He couldn't get enough of it. He just kept walking through the streets and shooting. People came from everywhere to try to see what was going on, because that's human nature. Unfortunately, when they came to see what was going on, they ended up with a bullet in their head. And soon, the city was empty but for SporkRourke and his shiny new gun. And now you're asking...what the hell does the power outage have to do with anything. Well, that's the best part. SporkRourke found a car parked on the street, got in and drove off, toward New Orleans. I could only imagine what would have happened if he'd made it to the Big Easy, but no need to worry. Spork hadn't learned how to drive, so he ended up crashing his car into the power plant just outside of Las Vegas and electrocuting himself. So, the lights went out in Vegas, and SporkRourke was dead. Legal Disclaimer: The SporkRourke referred to in this potentially true account is not the same SporkRourke that worked for Death-Knight for a few days. And that, my friends, is how the lights went out in Las Vegas. True story. |
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| Reply by: Brick_Pollitt at Apr 30, '09 10:41 | |
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I hate to point out the obvious, Don Brick, but I do believe you have described 99.99% of our fair world. |
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| Reply by: RourkeyRourke at Apr 30, '09 11:03 | |
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