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| The Chronicle- Issue Five | Started by: Marietta on May 15, '09 23:08 |
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THE CHRONICLE Your Underground Newspaper of Choice ~*~*~ Issue Five. The Double Issue. Last week as I was enjoying warm weather and white, sandy beaches, I realized that I would not be around to supervise and edit a full edition of The Chronicle. So, we all went without. Admit it, you missed us. What does that mean for this issue, however? It means I owe you DOUBLE what you asked for. As Editor, I'm going to do my best to double up on a few of the articles that are worth doubling up on- and in my spare time I'll double even more. Wish me luck, and as always, enjoy the read. Thanks, Marietta Editor ~~~ Family Matters New Orleans Re-arranges it's Face Within twenty-four hours the face of the New Orleans crime syndicate was completely changed; some may even say that it was devastated. The Big Easy, home to JimmyTheLionHeart's Captains, gave blood in the form of two leaders and their crews recently. In a huge catastrophe that could have been avoided all together, multiple amounts of Dons, Consiglieres and Bosses were found dead among the Streets. (For full casualty details, please see the obits.) Munchkin, the long standing Don of The Lollipop Guild, was the first to go in the late night hours of May 2nd. The catalyst for this entire incident is one that, sadly, should have never sprung a war to begin with. Yet how many wars have we seen without reason lately? Either way, as the story goes, one of Munchkin's soldatos had done something against the wishes of Jimmy's then Right Hand, Dr_Ball. Dr_Ball ordered that the person in question be demoted and have their gun taken, as a proper punishment protocol. Munchkin's Right Hand The_Abyss, however, decided that he wasn't taking orders from Ball. Rather than follow the instructions set out for him, he told Dr_Ball that he would have to kill the person in question, and then proceeded to state "But if you shoot be warned- we will shoot back". At the time Munchkin's family was a Captain crew to Godfather Jimmy. Jimmy, having heard the news, proceeded to kill Abyss for his disrespect. Munchkin returned fire, taking down Dr_Ball. Her shot being the last straw to break the camel's back, Mister Lionheart and his associates proceeded to take down the Lollipop Guild, creating much outpouring of negativity from the Lollipop Guild and the children of it's associates. Sal_Giaquinto, during the entire Lollipop Guild altercation, decided rather than speak to his Boss Jimmy about the matters, that he would relocate his family to Las Vegas until things were over. He purchased an old building in the City of Sin and had begun to move his furniture in, looking a little more cozy than he should have. Other, ethical leaders declared his actions "rogue-like" (meaning they went against the will of his leader) and took up war against him and his family. What is the result? Two leaders dead for actions they should not have taken. After all is said and done, the only original leader left in New Orleans is Don Brick_Pollitt. His feelings on the entire incident can be found in a later section, under "Interview With a Leader". ~~~ New in the Eight Cities Bringing You Chatter from the Underworld Chicago: What a rough few weeks for Chicago! After the loss of Persian, Made Man Temperance was granted her shot at running a Captaincy crew (La Familia Peque de Italia Crimen) only to be killed two days later. Not all was down, however, for after making the esteemed rank of Don, Captain TM-Scarface married his life-long sweetheart, Fannie. Detroit: A quiet few weeks for the city that houses the RIOT! Godfather Marietta announced the results for "Detroit is Crazy Week". Later she let associate ApolloJustice go to set up shop elsewhere, following it up with a new Motor City Captain Mac (Retribution) for good times sake. Las Vegas: After being virtually a Ghost Town of Sin, Las Vegas was hit with a jolt of surprise at the brief appearance of Sal_Giaquinto and his family. When he was later felled, ApolloJustice and Deano were both granted the keys to their own HQs in the city and started the families For Great Justice and The Dominion (respectively). Since they've taken the reigns we've seen a new pick-pocketing policy as well as new rules for the business district. Los Angeles: Los Angeles was a bit silent until the auth of their Captain, Voltaren (Dashenham Mental Facility), who died merely nine hours later to a fatal wackback. New Orleans: Though Munchkin and Sal_Giaquinto became dearly departed associates, Don Brick_Pollitt tried to keep things business as usual. After abolishing the New Orleans Made Man tax, he made a humorous speech on what it would be like to be King for a day. New York: Surprisingly quiet, the most we saw from New York this week were a few speeches. Godfather ThomasRourke announced his reasons for getting involved in an altercation involving fellow Godfather JimmyTheLionHeart, while Don Premier made a point to strike up a conversation about respect at a poker game. Philly: Godfather JimmyTheLionHeart, after the death of some of his New Orleans associates, did away with the Made Man tax. Shortly thereafter he authed Flash-Fire to start his own crew. The new Wise Guys Inc. leader ascented to the rank of Don not too long after opening his HQ doors. Saint Louis: There are rumors that Saint Louis may be renegotiating it's contract to become an official Underground, USA crime city. This was a project spear-headed by the current active Godfathers of our Thing. ~~~ Two by Two They Marched... Into Sin City After the catastrophic war where over one hundred Made ranked and higher mobsters died, several leaders took the initiative to fill the city that was left empty- Las Vegas. The first auth announcement was made by Godfather Marietta of Detroit. Don ApolloJustice, her long standing associate, was granted the chance to run his family out of the city. Being a lawyer, he aptly named his family "For Great Justice". This was, though, only the first new leader to be set up. Only half a day later Don Premier of New York traveled to the city to make the second auth announcement. His own personal associate, Deano, was granted his chance to run "The Dominion" from within the town as well. Thus far the public seems to be pleased with the decision of the leaders. The men themselves have certainly kept busy! Only over a week after their headquarters were bought, the men have already announced their city's new stance on pick-pocketing, as well as their new rules and regulations for running businesses. We here at The Chronicle wish these two men a long and illustrious career. If the past week has shown us anything, we have every faith that they will continue to do an outstanding, above and beyond job. Kudos! ~~~ Advice from Amy Questions? She Can Answer! Advice Column by Amy Annie Moose Q: Amy, Why is my Grandson such a foul mouthed shitbag? And do you want to get it on? - Sids-Nan A: Miss Nan, No one really knows why your son is such a foul-mouthed shitbag. Perhaps all those cuggles he used to sell back in the day have finally gone to his head. Either way, a strong boot up the ass several times daily should cure that. Hopefully. As far as getting it on, necrophilia isn't up my alley. I will, however, refer you to my associate Death-Knight, who doesn't really discriminate (as you can tell by his name). Yours truly, Amy If you would like to write to Amy, please send a letter to Advice from Amy, Care of Marietta ~~~ Captain, My Captain What Happened to Persian? What happened went so fast and took place in the dead of night that many, the next morning, were left wondering "What happened to Persian?". What we do know is that in the early, early morning hours of May 3rd, the former Persian Elite Don was gunned down while he slept, sending shockwaves throughout the city of Chicago. Though no formal announcement was ever made, our investigative reporters were able to glean a lot of information from listening to speeches as well as conducting personal, private interviews. Apparently Godfather of Philadelphia, JimmyTheLionHeart, was the one to have shot Persian. It has been long believed in this world that your Right Hand and Left Hand represent your family as much as the Leaders themselves do. What we, the public didn't know, was that Persian's Right Hand had aided the opposite side of the previous war involving Philly. There was, it seems, bad blood carried over from this incident. Either way, Persian was mourned by many, including most of his family who survived the altercation. Rest in peace, Persian Elite. ~~~ Famous Mobster Sightings Who, What, When, Where and Why Curious about what the more famous of our world get up to during the week? Here's a look at what we here at the Chronicle were able to capture. WilliamDeSantis, Philly citizen, spotted in a bookstore poring over a rather large volume. Title was unreadable from a distance. Los Angeles mobster, Aphotic_Bulldog, sitting on a bench eating a sandwich, and growling at school children who passed. Right Hand to new Detroit Captain Mac, Leo_Rossi, passed out drunk in a well-known Motor City bar. This was reported several different evenings. Cavegirl, native of the Windy City, drawing 'cave-like drawings' on the window of an Italian Restaurant. Detroit citizen, Deadly_Shade, sitting under the shade of a tree with a knife. Appeared to be sleeping. From Los Angeles, JackieMiles, purchasing a new suit from an up and coming designer. Was found later buying shoes to match. JimmyTheLionHeart, Godfather of Philly, sitting outside of his apartment screaming for his Right Hand, Hayley, to let him in. From the depths of Hell, WebSpider, in ur apartmentz eeeetin ur webz. ~~~ Restaurant Review of the Week Under the Scope: Chicago's Rebel's Hotel Every week one of our reviewers will stop by a random (or suggested by readers like you!) restaurant or business in a random city and will share whether the place was dressed to impress or destined to flop. This week we were prompted to check out a quaint little Chicago hotel. Rebel opened his hotel only at the end of April, but already it's been a hit among those looking for a place to stay in the Windy City. Environment: A large hotel boasting at least one-hundred rooms, it offers many different selections for those who are looking to either spend a little extra, or who have to fit the room into a budget. Rooms 51-99 will give you your basic amenities. If you're willing to pay a little extra, Rooms 1 through 50 will give you an upgrade on low-end model. Or, if you're lucky enough to have the money, the Godfather Suite (Room 100) will literally knock your socks off. Yet the good news is, most of it is easily afforable to many who boast our lifestyle! Even better, Rebel's also houses it's own private restaurant and bar, with a top notch menu and a better than ever top shelf. Comfort: With king sized beds, televisions, even round-the-clock room service, it's hard to say this place is uncomfortable... which is why we aren't! It's almost as if you are living at home, but your wife is sexier, cleans better and gives you complimentary massages. And let's not get started on the Godfather Suite. A view to die for? A butler? You'll think you've died and gone to Heaven! Service: As we stated above, who wouldn't die for someone giving you round the clock care and service? Rebel certainly knows how to pick his employees. That, or he pays very, very well and keeps them very happy! Clientele: While there haven't been many guests at Rebel's Hotel thus far, we can honestly say that it's only a matter of time before things begin booming over there. Our rating: Five out of five stars- our first one! While we still think this place has a long way to go, it's definitely headed in the right direction. Entreprenuer Rebel certainly is a visionary! Congratulations to Rebel and his Hotel. If you too want to be one of the establishments reviewed, make sure that you have a large, lovely and booming business! Be on your toes, you never know when you'll be next! ~~~ Restaurant Review of the Week- DOUBLE DOSE! Under the Scope: Philly's Giancana Restaurant Every week one of our reviewers will stop by a random (or suggested by readers like you!) restaurant in a random city and will share whether the place was dressed to impress or destined to flop. This week someone suggested to us a nice place in Philly- in particular, a large restaurant called "Giancana Restaurant". Sam_Giancana opened his restaurant in the heart of Philadelphia in late March. Despite how long it has been in business, it seems only the more observant and 'suave' citizens have discovered this place thus far. Environment: The restaurant is a rather large, wide room, with a bar running towards the right of the entrance and booths framing the opposite side. Tables line the middle of the room, decorated with candles and flowers to give a nice ambience for dining. Menu: Mostly an Italian menu, from what we gathered, with a wide variety of pizzas, pastas and more! Service: The waitstaff was very polite, quick and effective. There isn't a horrible wait time for food and we were pleasantly surprised by this! Clientele: The place is still too 'underground' to have more than a handful of regular customers. Hopefully with time Giancana's will be discovered! Our rating: Three out of five stars. The business is still growing, but we have a feeling that as this man gets older, his businesses will get even better! Congratulations to Sam_Giancana and Giancana Restaurant. If you too want to be one of the establishments reviewed, make sure that you have a large, lovely and booming business! Be on your toes, you never know when you'll be next! ~~~ Own a business? Want some free advertising? Contact Godfather Marietta today and your company could be featured in the next issue of The Chronicle! ~~~ Found yourself in Chicago and in need of some great food? Look no further! Adrian's Italian Grill can fulfill all your taste bud's needs! With hand-selected and imported ingredients, you can be sure that you'll be dining in style every time you visit. Remember to stop by Adrian's if you're looking for the best Italian Cuisine in the Windy City! ~~~ Interview with a Leader This Week: New Orleans/Saint Louis' Brick_Pollitt Interview by Reporter Miss R. Each week the Chronicle will be interviewing leaders they find interesting or that have done something to impact the Underworld in some way. These leaders will be asked several questions about their career, personal life, as well as their plans for the future. Below is the transcript of the interview with Don Pollitt. Hope you enjoy! Miss R: Good afternoon, Don Pollitt! Thank you very much for meeting with me. Brick_Pollitt: My pleasure. M: I suppose I'll get things going by asking you my favorite first question. How did you find yourself in This Thing of Ours? For the full transcript of this interview, please turn to Section A-5. ~~~ This Week in LCN History Mobster Events of the Past- DOUBLE DOSE! Ever wonder what the Mafiosi of yester-year were up to? In this new segment we will be showing you just what they were up to during the "roguish" and "invasion" weeks of May 1st through the 14th. May 4th: Then Mafiosi Sparton and Premeir rogued against the Crew Leaders of the day. At the end of the day Ellis (Las Vegas- The 13th), Sammy (Las Vegas Captain- The Foundation) and j0ngott1 (New York- I Scopatale Della Madre) were all found dead. May 4th: Philly closed to anyone not a Philly citizen, due to the rogues. May 5th: CommodumPerfectus (Resurrectio Da Vita) authed to run his crew out of Las Vegas. May 5th: In an attempt to keep things normal then Chicago leader Mr_47 (47 Enterprises) announces contest winners of a street speaking contest. May 6th: The New York Captain Deviant (L'Esercito del Formaggio) named new leader of NY. Draize (crew name unknown) authed to be Deviant's captain. May 7th: bighead (The Shining Light) is authed to start his own crew in Los Angeles. May 8th: Captain to Deviant, Draize, is killed on a wackback. May 8th: Deviant announces a new captain, Major_Jerkovski (crew name unknown). May 8th: Then Chicago leader Mr_47 printed the first issue of his paper, The Mafia Weekly. May 11th: Then New Orleans leader Alfonzo (The Disciples) makes a speech on whether or not to give chances to the children of parents who have wronged you. May 14th: The world is invaded by TestRank aliens. They seem to have a penchant for street activity. ~~~ The Chronicle presents... Real Mobsters of Genius (Real mobsters of geeeeniiiuuuuuus!) Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Gambling Hobo. (Mr. Compulsive Gamblin' Hobo!) You're the man that can always be found at the blackjack tables, crying into your hands over your latest losses. (Does anybody have a tissue?) Even though you bet it all on a pair of twos in poker, that doesn't deter you. You get back into the saddle again and again. (Hey I might win this one!! ) You beg for money like nobody's business. Food? Naw. Booze? Hell no! You need to save your money so you can keep hitting those roulette tables. (Put it all on BLAAAAAAAAAACK!) So have yourself a nice, hot mug of coffee, Failure of the Flop. Keep your chin up and keep gambling, so that the rest of us can walk away with your winnings. (Mr. Compulsive Gambling Hooooobooooooooo!) ~~~ Weather What Your Local Forecast is Saying Who doesn't love the warmer weather? Well, apparently every city but Las Vegas, that's who. Chicago: Don't be deterred by Friday's storms, which will move into a cloudy Saturday breaking away for a sunny Sunday. Detroit: Detroit's got a cloudy Friday in line, followed up by a stormy Saturday. Sun will make an appearance by the time the week starts again. Las Vegas: A sunny weekend leading into a sunny week! Enjoy! Los Angeles: A completely cloudy weekend, L.A. What's going on there? New Orleans: Thunderstorms all weekend... again? Good luck, New Orleans. New York: Partly cloudy on Friday, but it doesn't stop there! Saturday and Sunday usher in rain showers. Bring your umbrella out and about! Philly: You start out partly cloudy on Friday, which leads the way to thunderstorms and rain showers the rest of the weekend. Saint Louis: Who would believe that after two days of thunderstorms, Sunday would end up being perfectly sunny and calm? ~~~ Topic of the Week What's on Everyone's Mind? Every week we will ask seven people, one from every heavily populated crime city, to fill out a questionnaire, asking for their opinions on the subject at hand. They will be asked three questions each, and we at the Chronicle expect to receive a variety of responses! The subject of the week: Because of a skirmish the other day between a CL and his member... "Money and Taking Loans". (Answers were posted in the order they were received.) Do you feel that when you first enter a family, you should work hard to earn money for your Boss? Or should your family give you a leg up to begin with? RourkeyRourke, Detroit: I feel one of the most important jobs... For the rest of this article, please turn to Section B-3. ~~~ Quality of Leadership What's the Big Deal? Opinion Editorial by Marietta If there is one thing I hate more than someone slandering a Crew Leader, it is someone of virtually no rank doing the talking. Over the past few weeks I have witnessed instance upon instance of some no-name, shooting off their mouths and criticizing leadership. Drawing references to how horrible we Mafiosi have it today compared to the journals from who knows how long ago. Now the criticizing I personally don't mind. If you take it with a grain of salt, you find ways to improve. What I do mind is when people try to use these 'faults' (whether they exist or not) of yours to rally people against you... especially when they are only a civilianthugpettythiefgangstergoombanobody. Even better, then their children are surprised when their mother and fathers die for trying to start something! Who are they to judge the quality of leadership? It's one thing to have an opinion. You can also feel free to share the same opinions as your forefathers or mothers. None of that matters. Yet the second you use those opinions to try and sway the public opinion against the leadership, that's what signs your death warrant. Don't send your next of kin bitching to me when you end up six feet under for your own lack of intelligence. To be honest, I'm not fond of the bitter civilians. Stop complaining about the leaders that are currently running our world. Hell, if your bloodline could do better, all your ancestors wouldn't be dead, right? ~~~ The Curse of Captains Or at Least Just Two The past two weeks have already been rife with tragedy in many of the Crime Underworld cities, but it is of the personal opinion of The Chronicle that none were quite as horrific as the short-lived reigns of two Captains. Our first case was of Temperance, Made Man Captain in Chicago. Originally she had set up her headquarters for family La Familia Peque de Italia Crimen on May 3rd, to help assist the Windy City in their efforts to replace former Captain Persian. This was, however, short lived. Reputedly, only two days later, Temperance's Left Hand was found in the Streets, insulting New York's rule on shooting under forty-eight hour gangsters. Needless to say, the woman and her immediate upper structure were found dead not too long after. ThomasRourke, Godfather of the City That Never Sleeps, made a speech upon the incident, stating, "If the last few days have taught anything to anybody a crew is to be held accountable for the actions or words of their leaders and upper structure." Rest in peace, Temperance. Total time as Captain: Two days, 17 hours and 11 minutes. Just recently our second case was a Captain to Los Angeles' long standing family, The Pharmacy. Voltaren opened the doors to the Dashenham Mental Facility in the early morning hours of May 14th, and while many stayed up to wish him well on his new venture, upon awakening the next morning the man was already gone. As the rumors go, apparently the man had decided to pay a visit to a bum that had been sleeping on the doorstep of his newly acquired building. Pulling out his gun, he met an early demise when the bum surprised him, whipping out his own pistol and taking the life of the Capo. Rest well, Voltaren. Total time as Captain: 9 hours, two minutes. Thus far these remain the only two victims of the 'quick captain' curse. Heed our warnings, new Captains. You never know when the reaper will come a knockin'. ~~~ Obituaries and Retirements Rest In Peace A section where we respectfully honor and highlight the lives lost of those Made Rank and up. With over fifty deaths this week, we will only be specifically writing eulogies for those who were Consigliere rank and above, or a Crew Leader. Everyone else will be listed in a separate memorial. Evza A Consigliere for New Orleans, who worked for Odd from Philly briefly before her death, Evza spent almost two months in this business before her death. Sleep sweet, Miss. For the rest of the obituaries, please turn to Section C-5. ~~~ Money Money Money Money Give Away- DOUBLE DOSE! The Editor has too much money. More than she knows what to do with sometimes. What better way than to reward readers of The Chronicle? Everyone who purchased a copy of the paper last edition had their personal information taken down by one of our salesmen. Their names were put into a hat, and SIX names were drawn. These SIX people will all become winners of 100K each! And this week's winners were... Preston_Franks, TheTerminator, Ruaidhri_M, Pickles, Lil_Wayne and Clockwork! Congratulations! The money has been wired to your bank accounts. Enjoy! Remember to buy your copy of The Chronicle. You never know- next week you would be a winner! ~~~ Horoscopes Since They're So Friggin Popular Want to know what the week holds? Well we can't tell you that. Get a glimpse about how it might turn out, though: Aries (March 21st through April 19th): Hassle hassle! No one can seem to leave you alone lately, Aries, and it's starting to cause you a small level of stress. You may be tempted to spend your money to bring you happiness, but we caution against it. Set it aside for a rainy day; you'll thank yourself later. To find your horoscope, please turn to Section D-7! ~~~ Thank you for reading the fifth edition of The Chronicle! Our staff really hopes you enjoyed it! We are always available to answer your questions at any time. Please contact the editor, Marietta, with any concerns you may have. Editor: Marietta If you would like to write for the Chronicle, please contact Marietta for more information and to set up an interview asap! Visit us in the coffee shops in #detchron |
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| Great issue | |
| Reply by: Sam_Giancana at May 15, '09 23:28 | |
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| My restaurant too! | |
| Reply by: Sam_Giancana at May 15, '09 23:29 | |
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| As always, wonderful. | |
| Reply by: DorkRourke at May 15, '09 23:34 | |
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| Yet another volume of my favorite newspaper. Keep em comin' Detroit. | |
| Reply by: ApolloJustice at May 15, '09 23:41 | |
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Not only did I win, enjoy the entire paper and find out I need an umbrella (again) But I have an EXTRA big issue to use to beat people with! Wanders off to beat Cav and Striphe. |
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| Reply by: Pickles at May 15, '09 23:44 | |
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| Another solid paper, these keep me entertained week after week. I always look forward to your paper, first paper iv ever been a constant reader of! Its just too good to ignore aha :) | |
| Reply by: TheTerminator at May 16, '09 00:09 | |
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| Love it, as always :D | |
| Reply by: alfie_alviano at May 16, '09 00:22 | |
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Los Angeles mobster, Aphotic_Bulldog, sitting on a bench eating a sandwich, and growling at school children who passed. Hey those kids looked hungry and i didn't want them getting any ideas. Another great read! |
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| Reply by: Aphotic_Bulldog at May 16, '09 00:34 | |
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| Enjoyed it once again always look forward to reading it and I was one of the winners to :) | |
| Reply by: Lil_Wayne at May 16, '09 01:09 | |
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| It the first time I'm seeing this and I love it. | |
| Reply by: rembrandt at May 16, '09 01:38 | |
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| Very well organised. | |
| Reply by: BigAl at May 16, '09 02:01 | |
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On of the things that brighten up my day. An exceptional read, keep up the good work! |
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| Reply by: SylvesterHargrave at May 16, '09 02:09 | |
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Once again another great edition , each week i look forward to reading this paper and i never find myself disappointed. Bravo. |
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| Reply by: Cruel at May 16, '09 06:21 | |
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Another great read and I won something this time. yeah. |
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| Reply by: Ruaidhri_M at May 16, '09 07:04 | |
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Wonderful, yet again. Looking forward to the next. |
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| Reply by: Natalie_Marrie at May 16, '09 07:30 | |
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| Excellent reading, as always. And yes, we did miss you. | |
| Reply by: Adrian at May 16, '09 12:24 | |
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The next paper should obviously have something written by the Odd one...or talk more about strange sightings! But this is as close to perfect as it can get..well dont to all! |
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| Reply by: Odd at May 16, '09 14:35 | |
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Looks down at his new shoes. These shoes are nice. They can match a few of my outfits now that I think about it. |
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| Reply by: JackieMiles at May 16, '09 15:03 | |
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I would like to thank Marietta and the staff of the Chronicle for putting out such an well informed paper. Its nice to win money when all you have to do is read |
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| Reply by: Preston_Franks at May 16, '09 15:04 | |
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