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| Dr Pickles Public Heath Lecture - STDs | Started by: Dr_Pickles on May 18, '09 00:18 |
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Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the second in a series of my lectures on health and wellness. Today's lecture is on the topic of sexually transmitted disease, or "STD's" for short. Some of you might not be comfortable with this topic, but let me assure you it's better to hear you have VD from a doctor like me, instead of your dentist. Or even worse, your proctologist. So, let's hear a big round of applause for the clap! Just kidding folks. Now, let me talk for a moment about safe sex practices. Never put the handcuffs on too tight, make sure the swing is bolted securely into the ceiling, and make sure your safety word is easy to pronounce. There's nothing worse than having a stutter and trying to pronounce "taxidermist" to make the whipping stop. And, as for condoms, don't be a fool, wrap your tool. If she'll sleep with you, her standards obviously aren't that high. Some of you are out there on your street corners trying to run a prostitution ring. Just like with your cocaine, don't get high on your own supply. I mean, please, you've met these women. Even if they'll give you a freebie because you're the boss doesn't mean you should go for it. You need to find yourself a nice respectable woman in the local pool halls and gin joints. And, if you do feel you've loved the wrong woman come see me and I'll give you a shot of penicillin at a decent price. Remember though, there are a few things that can't be cured with penicillin. First are children. They'll drain your energy and resources for at least 18 years and make your life a living hell. The second is herpes. Remember kids, you can't scrub herpes off in the shower. Don't ask how I've know. Now get out their and have some illicit fun! |
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Joker claps for the Dr. Hmm you got a good point with having that swing bolted down good. And yes dont just go right for your own hookers ;D. |
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| Reply by: -Joker- at May 18, '09 01:44 | |
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| Yet another reason to stay away from Tie. | |
| Reply by: Birday at May 18, '09 02:00 | |
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| Im so sick and tired of std's! | |
| Reply by: Cav at May 18, '09 02:56 | |
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Always use condoms. If you don't you may get an STD or worse you may accidentally bring another mafioso into this world! If you ever have any custody battles due to not listening to this advice... ApolloJustice throws business cards out to everyone present. Straightens his tie and nods on his way out the door. |
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| Reply by: ApolloJustice at May 18, '09 03:22 | |
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That is the funniest thing in the world! |
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| Reply by: _Ace_ at May 18, '09 07:28 | |
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Jokes thinks to himself...hah! I always carry protection! And I keep my tool covered at all times! Jokes pats the handle of his gun tucked in his trousers waist line. Good to hear Doc! I got protection, I never leave home without my gun don't worry. Good to know I'm safe from STDs! Jokes walks off whistling happily. |
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| Reply by: Jokes at May 18, '09 10:14 | |
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Joker comes up, scratching his private area When is the post come about the crabs? O_o |
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| Reply by: -Joker- at May 19, '09 03:16 | |
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| Gale listens to the comments from some of the people in the crowd and makes a metal note to herself to stay celibate for the rest of her life. | |
| Reply by: Knight_n_Gale at May 19, '09 04:59 | |
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Jokes walks up to Joker. Dude you gotta steam em. Get some butter and you got yourself some nice crabs. |
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| Reply by: Jokes at May 19, '09 09:32 | |
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| Don't worry Gale, you can trust me. I'm a doctor. | |
| Reply by: Dr_Pickles at May 19, '09 23:51 | |
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