"Ladies and Gents,

As I sat in my new red leather chair this morning, running my hands along the funky dimples in it, I picked up my post and reached for my letter opener. I cut open the first letter, after a quick scan, I see it was from a young Mafioso just trying to get to know a bit more about me, it read:"

Dear Rhuarc (or is it Rourke?),

Congratulations on your Captaincy, can I ask, are you related to the Rourkes?

Bemused, I dis-card the letter and move onto the next.

Hello Rhuarc,

Good job on getting your own HQ, your new suit looks great! You Rourkes are doing great!

"There were a few more letters along a similar line thus prompting me to address the question at the heart of the letters, was my father dyslexic? Am I a Rourke??

"Those who met my father will know it's not inconceivable that he made a mistake on my birth certificate, he was fond of the liquor almost as much as he was of the ladies however, I must advise I am no Rourke.

"My name came about from a warrior my father read about in a work of fiction many moons ago; Rhuarc was a clan chief in the Aiel of the Nine Valley Sept. The Aiel were a violent breed of people, living in the most inhospitable lands, a breed of people who were trained in the art of hand-to-hand combat, thriving on war.

"My father was a drunk and gave me little but my name. That being said, my name is something I am proud of, Rhuarc was a leader in these books and thus I feel in some way, I am fulfilling my late fathers wishes by leading an arm of Marietta's Detroit.

"So, to clear it up once and for all, I am not a Rourke but am Rhuarc, way cooler than all the Rourkes barring perhaps PedroRourke. . . . No, scratch that, I'm cooler than them all!"

Anyone would think you were ashamed of being branded a Rourke! Have a word Thomas.

All I know is, a great man once said...

"Give me Rourke-edy or give me death."

...Though now maybe I misheard him and he said "Rhuarc-edy."  This is quite the conundrum.

"So, to clear it up once and for all, I am not a Rourke but am Rhuarc, way cooler than all the Rourkes barring perhaps PedroRourke. . . . No, scratch that, I'm cooler than them all!"

Rhuarc, You claim you are better then all Rourke's.... I beg to differ my friend. There are how many of them ?? Errr about 20 something and counting. How many of there are Rhuarc's ?? Errr from my calculations I count just 1.

Rourke's are a growing family and they will continue to grow and eventually they will take over the world and take over you. Im sorry but everyone must face the truth and we all know that Rourke's will rule the world one day.

Goes and prepares his secret base for himself and Marietta for when the Rourke's begin to take over

Well damn - now you tell a girl after all this time :(

Rourke, I don't know why your here today to tell us your not Rhuarc.. But it's fine.. Love you Rourke.

Hang on a minute here, Rhuarc's "tall and handsome with a strong, square face with blue eyes and a good smile, his hair is dark red, though graying, with broad shoulders" from what I hear. Therefore, you, being short, ugly with a poky wee face and wretched smile, cannot be Rhuarc, you must be a Rourke. Anyway, your hair is not dark red, or even gray. You bald twit.

Don't let him fool you folks, he's a Rourke alright.

ZOMFGzorz; you lied to me. I distinctly remember you telling me that your name was a play on the idea of a kangaroo boat. I'm offended. Sad face.

For those of you that don't know Rourke is an old English name that derived from Rhuarc. So you see one in the same, better and no better.

I still think its Rourke :P

Must be a Boston Rourke thang.

Reverend is covering up for the Church!

I found some interesting documents that belonged to my Grandfather, PhatballzRourke. The Rourke name has nothing to do with Old English. Ever wonder why we never here what Jesus' middle name was? His middle name was Rourke, after the Virgin Mary Rourke.

After Jesus fertilized Mary she gave birth to son, Thomas. The name Christ and Rourke were never used again in those days to avoid persecution. Evidence suggests that we Rourkes of today are descendants of Jesus' and Mary's son. This also explains why Brian is darker then the rest of us. Everyone knows that Jesus was a dark skinned Arab man. Brian got the pigmentation gene from Jesus.