There is a list similar to this in the jail (thanks Deadpool). These are my favorites:

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, only a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made from real cowboys

Chuck Norris grew a beard to cover the bruise he got after being punched in the face by Awesome. It's still there.

Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird

Chuck Norris doesn't read books he stares at the book until he gets the information he needs.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups... He pushes the world down!

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

There are said to be 4 horsemen of the apocolypse, this is because Chuck Norris will come on foot.

Chuck Norris once round house kicked Mr. T at the same time he punched Chuck Norris. The result was the 80's

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer unfortunately Chuck Norris don't cry

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror it shatters, cuase not even glass is dumb enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

When you think fear is gripping you, It's not Fear, It's Chuck Norris.

When you look up the word "tough" in the dictionary, it says "See Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. When he left, it's name was officially changed to THE ISLANDS.

Chuck Norris does not consider it sex when the woman lives.

superman wears chucknorris PJ's

superman wears chucknorris PJ's

Some people smoke a cigarette after they have sex. Chuck Norris goes out and brands his cattle.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the galaxy. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Under Chuck Norris' beard is only another fist.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.  At night.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a loaded gun and won.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

And finally...

Chuck Norris can divide by 0.