On a beautiful sunny day in the middle of July, BrianRourke's funeral was held in the middle of the street for all passers-by to attend. The sun shone just a bit brighter today, as if it knew that today would be something special. He beamed with pride and easily chased the clouds away from the sky. Birds chirped in the trees and sang lovely, happy songs like it was their first merry day on earth. Far away in the woods, deer ran around playfully as the flowers bloomed more than any other day.

Rourke knew today would be a happy day as he skipped out of his Headquarters office. He wore his most expensive suit and put a rose in the lapel. Today was a day.....FOR MAGIC. Rourke spoke to himself:

What a great day! Nothing can get me down now! It's like a carnival and my birthday all rolled into one.

Rourke headed to where the funeral was supposed to be held and shook hands with everyone on the street.

Oh it's BrianRourke's funeral today! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Everyone looked at him quizzically, mouthing the same words to their friends: "Who the hell is BrianRourke?" Rourke continued down the street and entered the abandoned hot dog parlor where the funeral was to be held. Naturally, he was the only person to arrive. He admired the bloated corpse and grinned happily to himself. He thought about saying a few words, but decided he didn't care enough to pay his respects. Rourke left loudly and began playing a trumpet in the middle of the streets for celebration. He noticed something small on the ground; it was nothing but a business card remained from a speech long since passed. Rourke picked it up and read it:

~T~

I'm afraid your celebration is a little late.  Brian Rourke died months ago.

Hhahahhahhah Rourke, I really don't know what to say my friend but this time im certian that you have lost the plot.

DK hands Rourke some pills

Rourke picked up a copy of his favorite book: Funny Things Said by BrianRourke. Flipping through the completely empty pages, Rourke picks a page to write in:

Dear Diary,

Today the funeral of BrianRourke was widely unattended. Twas a fitting end for such a corpulent beast.

Love You,

Rourke

Rourke closed the book and stared further at the business card in his hand. It read:

~T~

The sun was beaming down as Tallien swaggered through the streets, the warm weather making his smile still broader. As if in response the sun shone just a bit brighter, as if it knew that today was something special and beamed with pride, easily chasing the clouds away from the sky. Tallien strode on, happier than he could remember being in a long time, past the chirping birds with their happy songs. He couldn't be sure, but he was willing to guess deer frolicked freely through the woods as the fragrant scent of fresh flowers filtered into the air.

"Blissful." Tallien thought as he found himself alongside the mammoth coffin, they had shoved BrianRourke (RIP) in. Not all of BrianRourke (RIP) of course, just what was left of him since the accident. A shin, one arm, his left foot, still encased in his favourite pink wellies, a cowboy hat and a lollipop. Still at least he died doing what he loved. Small children.

Tallien rested his arm on the coffin and whistled a tune to himself. The death of BrianRourke (RIP) was one of the most joyous occassions he had ever been a part of. He looked around the empty hot dog parlour and he let out a merry and gay laugh.

"Nobody even cares Brian. Not a soul cares you're dead."

If someone could explode from being so happy, Tallien was a bomb with a fuse already well lit. He decided to leave a memento on the coffin, just in case any "mourners" decided to look him up. He sniggered at the thought of anyone actually mourning the loss of this gargantuan oaf.

"Here you go buddy" Tallien said as he left the card on the coffin's lid "Always above you, just like in life". Then he knocked the card on the ground, the pun delivered. Not like Brian would know. He was dead. Dead and gone.

The card on the floor read:

~T~

A few hours later Rourke returns to the site of the funeral. The bits and pieces of BrianRourke (RIP) still sit there untouched. Clearly no one else has stopped by to pay their respects to "The Incredible Bulk." Rourke decides now would be a good time for a brief eulogy.

Assorted bugs in the hot dog parlor, BrianRourke (RIP) was a nobody. I'm ashamed to say that I'm here today because of you, but pleased to say I'm here today because you are finally dead.

Rourke looked at the card he was holding. It read:

~T~

Rourke flipped over the card and read the back. It read:

~T~

Rourke continued speaking.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Rourke dropped the card on the ground where it undoubtedly belonged. The card on the floor read:

~T~

Even though he is dead a while RIP

Rourke is such a litter-bug

TG walks around picking up all of his cards and stuffs them in his wallet to add to his secret collection of Rourke memorabilia..

Aurora sees Rourke boasting the death of her Right Hand, BrianRourke. She walks over to Rourke and shoots him.

Rest in peace, Rourke.