The streets around the Detroit HQ of the Riot are abuzz with thousands of people and tons of expectations. The footrace to end all footraces is about to begin.

DEANOVICH - "It has been a very, VERY long time that you have been around these parts dear old Godmother Marietta. The sounds of your creaking hips are enough to keep you at a court appointed 500 yard distance from the maternity ward in the hospital. Yet in your golden years, you have decided to shrug away your age and challenge me to a foot race."

MARIETTA -

Marietta adjusts the waistband on her purple and red jogging pants and does one of what most likely was intended to be alot more deep knee bends. She struggles upright again and gives Deanovich a stern look.

"Listen here you lopsided pinko commie fruitcake! You had best save your breath,as I think your gonna need it. I am here to shut your mouth about my age, by whipping your ass in a footrace around Detroit. Remember the route dipshit, we start at my HQ and head east to the Ford Rouge Plant, then we head over past the Michigan Central train depot, then over to St.Emeric Roman Catholic Church and then back to my HQ. First one back to the HQ wins."

DEANOVICH -

Deanovich looks over in disbelief.He looks down at his ONE leg and his set of crutches.He looks back at Marietta in her jogging suit. He shrugs and decides that he is still pretty much a favorite.

"When you said it was a race, I figured maybe 100 yards at best. Not a whole fucking tour of Detroit! But the longer the race the farther the distance you will be behind me when I finish. You think you should be doing this shit at your age?"

MARIETTA-

"Keep yapping you bolshevik bitch! You almost ready to get this underway?"

DEANOVICH -

Deanovich looks around at the massive crowd on hand to witness the race. The streets are lined 6 deep with spectators. Deanovich stretches his leg and heads for the starting line.

"As always,waiting on the aged"

The two participants stand at the starting line, ThomasRourke pulls out his pistol and fires it in the air. The Godmother of Detroit takes off at what is best,an agitated limp. But it is enough to get a good headstart on Deanovich who has not moved yet. Deanovich jams both his crutches in the ground and stretches a pair of underwear over them. He loads up a 4 day old bagel and stretches the underwear's elastic to it's limit. he lets fly and the bagel cranks Marietta in the leg,knocking her ass over tea kettle into a duck pond. Deanovich grabs a new set of crutches and books it past Marietta who is staggering out of the pond. Marietta takes off to catch Deanovich, but she is slowed down by her waterlogged adult diaper. She grabs a hairpin from her hair and jabs a few holes to let the water drain. Her speed starts to increase and she soon catches Deanovich, who has slowed drastically. Marietta starts swinging her handbag over her head bolo style and lets fly. The handbag intwines itself around Deanovich's one leg and a crutch. immediately hobbled Deanovich pitches forward and lands face first on the curb. Stunned he attempts to lift his head to see what the hell just happened to him.

MARIETTA-

"You just cannot seem to learn who is the queen of the jungle here do you?"

"Marietta takes her cane and lifts Deanovich's chin with it. She then lands a quick kick to his face followed by a golf swing with her cane to his jaw."

"I would love to stay and continue our chat, but I have a race to win."

Deanovich lays in the street for several minutes and finally manages to unwind Marietta's handbag from his leg. He is still quite stunned from his beating and cannot seem to figure out where he is exactly.He looks down and opens the handbag. He skims through some papers and finds something of great interest. He reads it and smiles to himself,he gets his crutches under himself and heads off down the street.

Marietta makes it to the church and is in the home stretch back to her HQ.She has caught her 14th wind and has a steady pace going. She has looked back over her shoulder every block and still has not seen Deanovich since she beat his ass waaaay back in the race.She starts to see the crowds on the streets again and the cheers start to become a roar as she turns the corner for the last block to her HQ. Marietta feels great, she has shown that bastard Deanovich that being old is not such a big deal. Her joy soon turns to outrage as she spies Deanovich sitting at the finish line sipping cognac and smoking a cigar.She sprints to the finish line and stops right where Deanovich sits in a chair.

MARIETTA-

"You son of a bitch! You cheating son of a bitch! You never passed me, you had to have taken another route!"

DEANOVICH-

" No Marietta I did not stray from the route. I went along the exact same streets as you. However ever since that beating you handed me, I finished the race in a limo."

MARIETTA-

"I was right! You cheating bastard! You finished the race in a limo, that is against the rules.!"

Deanovich begins to laugh as well as the spectators and gathered mafiosos at the finish line. Marietta looks around and tries to figure out what in hell is so funny.

DEANOVICH-

"Relax Marietta, ask anyone here, I have not crossed the finish line yet."

Marietta looks around at everyone gathered. They all are smiling and nodding thier heads in agreement.Deanovich stands on his one leg and motions towards the finish line just a few feet away. "After you Godmother". Marietta hesitates and then cautiously crosses the finish line to a roar of cheers from the crowd. Confetti flies through the air and a band starts playing a song. A song very strange for winning a foot race. Marietta strains to hear through the cheers of the crowd and then realizes they are singing and playing .....HAPPY BIRTHDAY?

DEANOVICH-

"That's right Marietta, when you beat me and left without your handbag, I opened it and saw your drivers license. It is your birthday today, and there is no way in hell I could let you lose on such a great day as this. Happy Birthday Marietta, and remember 60 is the new 30!"

Oh my God! What an event! I couldn't decide whether to laugh the entire time or cry nostalgic tears or just sit here watching with my mouth agape. Happy Birthday Marietta and Deanovitch - what a celebration, you truly deserve the first piece of cake after Marietta of course. Such stamina in the both of you - Marietta, your longevity comes from excellent genes and Deanovitch, well frankly I think it's from all the jello and whipped cream over the years.

Nice comedic short story there Mr.Legovski. Good job.

Ha. I couldn't figure out if I enjoyed this until towards the end. Then it made a smile come to my face. Nice read.