I look around my new office in awe as I laid back against my white leather chair. However I couldn't stop the slight grimace on my face. Memories of the tragic war are evidently still fresh in my mind. While I am lost in my thoughts, my assistant raps his knuckles on the door and motions for me to come outside and address the masses. I acknowledge the assistant with a simple nod of my head and a “oui oui” in a slightly snobby manner. Then I walk over to the mirrored wall and check to make sure my new suit was straight. As i give myself a quick once over, I straighten the ridiculous beret on top of my head, feel for the gun in my gun holster, and follow my assistant out of the room.

“Remember to be yourself, Zed. The people know when you are lying and they will know if you are being fake. Just go out there and be……”, the assistant stops talking and makes a grab for my beret.

“What are zhou doin’? I-errr order joo Monsieur, to stop! S'il vous plaît résister à ce fromage!”, throwing my arms up as I ranted on at my assistant.

“You just told me to please resist this cheese, Zed! Please, Sir, two hours of listening to the local French family does not qualify you to speak Fluent French. Everyone knows that you come from Engla…”

At this moment, I lose it with my assistant and verbally attack him with what I think are French cursing words.

“I am not zee Anglais! Pfft! I speet in zee name of the Engleesch!”, mock spitting on the floor to make a point.

“Zed, this is ridiculous! I bet you are even thinking in a perfectly normal English accent!”

Looking at the assistant, I imagine the words “Oh poppy cock!”. Throwing my hands up in the air and making a rather disturbing throat noise, I open the steel doors to see the masses that had arrived outside of my head quarters.

“Errrrrrrrrr helleau all of zhoo peeple ‘ere! As uo may already know, I ‘ave, errrrr, been given zee absolute honour of starting my own faaaamileeey in zee North side, oui!”

The crowd look at me in what I can only imagine as sheer joy, rather than the looks of confusion that seem to be crossing many of their faces.

“In zist time of peece, I will bring to joo a new famileey. Zee famileey of…..Le Promiscuous Croissants!”

Pure joy and laughter erupts from the crowd. People are jumping up and down, bending over and crying in fits of laughter. Thinking that I have brought happiness to the masses, I laugh with them.

“Aaah haaa haa! Oui, zee LPC will hopefully enrich the society of North Side Chicago, and beyond”

Turning around, I start to slowly walk back into my head quarters. Giving the OK sign in front of my body to my assistant, I see him shaking his head in his hands. The moment of joy has probably got to him, I thought, as I tapped him on his shoulder, signalling for him to wrap up this public appearance.

"Ah, le son d'un Anglais parlant français. Je devais aujourd'hui." Sneaky thought to himself.

"I wish you much luck starting your family, but maybe get a tutor. Or a translation book."

Wish you good luck my friend, North Side could use a good leader and someone to help rebuild the community :).

Congrats Zed, I knew you will do great there in CH, Wish you all the best and Goodluck man! ;)

I really like French, but this is just horrible! 

I kid, I love you V (no homo). You'll do amazing!

Looks slightly confused but enthusiastically

Congrats and good luck rebuilding the rubble of whats left of society.

Congratulations!  Best of Luck to you and rebuilding your city!

Ah yis. Zee frenchman.

Garrus rambled on about the English fellow attempting to be a French man all of a sudden. It was a very strange transition but Garrus knew Zed and he knew he wouldn't pretend unless it was good.

Zed mon ami. I hope zis time works out for you and lasts much longer than last time friend.

Please do take care of the Russian, Polish, whatever the hell little Aleksandr is, please. And make sure the panda gets fed! She gets loud and cranky when she is not well looked after!

As he went to bow, the Seagull attempted to swoop and boop him via a quick and nasty shit from a nearby lightpole. Garrus, with the reflexes of a cat, or some sort of other fast animal, dodged the shit and cursed at the bird.

The panda lumbers out of the woods as she hears a terrible English pretending to be French accent speaking English. She looks quizzically at the man in the beret, and wonders why he has decided to dress so comically. While she didn't ever understand human fashion herself, she certainly hadn't seen that look before. Understanding that something important was afoot, she squirmed her way among the crowd.

At the end of the man's speech, the panda places a pile of bamboo at Zed's feet. Then looking at the distance she would have to walk before she reached her next source of bamboo, she thought better of it. She gathered up her bamboo reserves and  left three stalks in the shape of a Z, as her way of saying congratulations, and tumbled over to that leafy area over there.