*The Rid steps forward wearing his trademark silver-sequined suit and carrying what appears to be a small microphone.*
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! It is with great pleasure that X-Factory Tours is proud to announce the first city date on a nationwide tour consisting of the big X-Factory band of misfits, freaks, geeks and the criminally insane! A provisional 6 dates on the New York leg of the national tour has been completed but will remain a secret right up until the big band lands on your Speakeasy door!"
*The Rid flexes and does a few swinging arm movements to emphasise that he is clearly serious.*
"For those of you who don't know, it began back in 1902 when Lord Byron and the Aristocrats of Harmonics or AOH for short, formed a talent school for the villainous and just plain lacking. Consisting of a shed in Minnesota, big band backing and expert tutors including the most famous songbird of the 20th Centry, Stella Fitzpatrick, the school was expected to be a rip-roaring success.
Famous alumni include Sir Zeb of Boing, Which Pig is Up?, TEQ of the nine alcoholics, the man with no name, the UN and the Marks and Sparks Crazy Sharks with Mithras on bass."
*The Rid poses for flash photography.*
"And so as your compere or Master of Ceremonies, all that remains for me to tell you and the Speakeasy owners of New York....
Lock the doors. Wipe the counters. Send the ugliest employees home on paid leave. Lock the valuable china in the strong cupboard. Feed the cats. And above all BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES BIG APPLE!!!! THE X-FACTORY WORLD TOUR IS COMING AND ITS GONNA BE ONE HELLUVA SHOW!!" |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
Cathy swoons at the thought of seeing THE RIDDLER live |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
Imagine if I announced a one night only re-union of The Jam to coincide, wouldn't that rotten of me? |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
You should join me Mr Weller. We need someone on Maracas. |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
You need a bit of Bez then. He's a right shithead |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
Perhaps we could get King_Monkey down? |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
If he can play a drum I'll have him. Ideally what I'm looking for is 5 members of this community to join me on the tour and make sweet music. |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
I play a mean triangle! And sometimes, if I tilt my ears to the direction in which the wind is blowing there is a strange whistling noise! |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
Does it perhance sound like a sombre forest in the early evening? Full of creaks and groans as a backdrops to the light whistle of the wind? |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
We should talk. Our first stop on the tour is at the Blues Bar in New York. Rumoured to be owned by Hatter-Madigan, a connected guy who has done some time. But I can't take the stage without a solid team behind me. Well naturally I CAN per se. I could just entertain them with a repetoire of songs, dancing and insults while sipping at a complimentary scotch or two. But where's the fun in that? |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
In echoed steps you walk across an empty dream
But look around this world, there's millions to be seen
Come see the tyrants panic see their crumbling empires fall
Then tell 'em we don't fight for fools
I'm with Mr Weller... well, I would be if he weren't so inconveniently dead...
(lyrics from Absolute Beginners by The Jam) |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
I have absolutely no objection to fat men joining the band. In fact look around. I'll bet you a tenner you'll never find a Tenor who isn't fat. Can you pay anything? |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
I'm in for the New York gig. Just let me know where and when. |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
*when not where and when
*sighs* |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
|
I'll meet you outside Hatter-Madigans Blues Bar then Cathy. There's a phone booth on the corner. My lodgings are nearby, I'll be in touch about a time. I'll be the handsome beast in the silver suit jacket and shiny black cuff-links. |
|
| Report Post |
Tip
|
