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| Look! Candy Sprinkles On Moist Cupcakes! | Started by: WiggleButt on Sep 24, '15 13:18 |
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Seriously people, let's grasp a few things here. I'm going to go over nice and slowly some tidbits that may help you throughout your day by day operations. As of late I've noticed a few boneheaded decisions, some of which have come with consequence, others have yet to be caught, but like any happy fairy tale ending with morals, everyone gets caught. The bad guys lose, and we my friends are the bad guys. This silliness of "oh he is so tender so sweet, I've love to caress his breast like a sweet marinated chicken." The "Oh my goodness why did you kill him, he's my best friend! We jump rope and hopscotch till the sun comes up," nonsense is growing awfully tiresome on poor Wiggle bum. If Wiggles bum is, well bummed, then Wiggle has nothing to offer. The emotional drain due lack of balls around this community and fairy sweet kisses is worse then walking in on your parents at a young age to be told your mother is helping Dad stretch before his stickball tournament. Ok, maybe I went too far with that analogy, but fuck it, I'm the Wiggle of all Wiggles. I'm the over cooked noodle in your pasta that just pisses you off when your enjoying your eats until you crunch down creating the feeling of possibly chipping a tooth. Yeah it's like that. Now what I present to you here are some methods to maybe help break the madness. Maybe turn some of your warm hearts cold. Trust me a cold heart in this world saves a lot of pain and emotional distress throughout your career in the life of crime. Let's start with lesson one, confusion. Confusion and distraction is a great tool whether to cover your ass, or to simply get an individual thinking before putting a bullet into their head. Approach HoolZ and ask where they'd prefer you to stick it. Approach Balls and ask them if they were named to compensate for something. Approach MasterMind , ask for their time. When they give you a second ask if they are good a arguing their point. If the day yes then simply ask, "So your also a MasterDebater?" See young grasshopper you are learning yet. Now you will see some crazy things in this world but here is a few tips to keep you out of trouble. If you come across iris , do not tell her you like her name because you like the plant, then informing her you'd love to plant something yourself. She will kill you. Seriously. Do not address Kimble with a cool rhyme. "Kimble is so nimble. He uses a fiddle and sings a riddle, too bad the poor man is hung like a thimble." Thats just obnoxious and I'll kill you. Please don't ask FutureStealer if he can really see into the future. His name means he will kill you, therefore having no more future. If you want to die then by all means make an ass of yourself. Now onto a few things you should do. I mean not that it may help you, but the joy of such cannot be beat. Ask Remy is he'd have your baby. Just do it. Grab a tennis racket, throw some dirt in the air and see if TheBatMan takes the bait. Talk a women into getting naked and then lay a block of cheese around the corner. See which MightyMouse chooses. Explain to @Fred-Flintsone that it's wrong to explain his sexual escapade the evening before, using the words Bam-Bam since he chose to name his kid the same. It's just weird. Can someone tell Al_Wild-iniTheSecond that his parents shouldn't have taken schrooms before naming their child? And last but not least. Remind SpikeS that attempting to impregnate women with a Turkey Bastet isn't the brightest of ideas. Now you have been brushed up and slightly polished people. Not only will taking this advice help you in your day by day living, but it will help cool down that warm heart. We are the Mafia, act like it. |
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Henri had been taking a stroll down the road, enjoying the cool breeze. He realized lately he hadn't been getting out enough, and it was something he intended to change. Weeks ago he would spend countless hours scouting the streets, scouring the shadows, and memorizing the back alley's. It was something that had helped him in many...business pursuits. Being sure of ones location was always a good thing. Slowly sipping from his stellar coffee, Henri looks up and notices WiggleButt. Wondering what the man was blathering about, Henri chuckled. Some of Wiggle's speeches were quite entertaining. Some of them were even informative for certain folk. Listening in from a distance he decided that it was worth approaching the man. "Well, let me start off by saying congratulations. Lots of people come out on these Streets these days and don't actually say much at all. Clearly this is something you don't suffer from... Perhaps it's all the tea Iris has been slipping you?" Henri pauses for a moment and smirks, reaching into his breast pocket. Pulling a cigar out, he ignites a match and turns the cigar slowly to ensure an even light. Satisfied that it was entirely lit, he continues. "A fairy tale, you say? That's an interesting way to word it my friend. The sarcasm was practically dripping off of your Butt as it were, I know what you're speaking of. Well, the mentality you're speaking of. Most of us are hardened and experienced by the line of work we're in, yet there are plenty of others that think it's fucking recess on the playground. It is absolutely ridiculous. Part of me wonders how folks like that ever made their Button(s)." "A quick note about coddling chicken though... That's an awful waste of chicken! I know my dearest friend TommyAngelo probably wouldn't mind free chicken for his restaurant over in Detroit if you're just going to be using them for pleasure... Though please, if you plan on donating them, don't violate them first." Henri takes a long pull off of his cigar and blows a thick cloud of smoke into the air, looping back to the actual matter at hand. "You say confusion and distraction are good? I've never had to use either such skills in my business transactions. That's not to say I couldn't. That's not to say I wouldn't, if it were necessary. A very wise man once wrote in his journal.... 'Theatricality and deception are excellent tools.'" "If need be, I don't think three quarters of the folks around these days could properly use them to their advantage, but alas. We both know the concept of Omerta is practically nonexistent with the majority... Clearly intelligence is as well. Again, I say for the majority. There are plenty out there doing their bit, and doing it damn well I might say." "And for those who feel offended by being called not intelligent, or incapable of using reasoning and logic to obtain your goals... Well, feel free to discuss it, as always. It would really just farther prove a few of my point(s)." Henri winked at WiggleButt before slipping off into the distance, melting into an alleyway. He knew this alley particularly well and slipped into a sewer moments after turning out of sight - in case anyone had been tailing him. Doubling back underground, Henri climbed a service ladder and poked his head out of a manhole a block the other direction and one block over from Wiggle's speech. Sticking to the shadows, he finds a suitable building... Entering silently and unseen, Henri posts up on a roof not too far away, intending on listening in to people's reactions to the Butt that Wiggles. |
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| Reply by: HenriDucard at Sep 24, '15 14:19 | |
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Tommy was strolling along the streets on his way to open up his restaurant for the day when he overheard a familiar face say his name and speak about his place of business. Approaching the crowd he stopped and waited for his opportunity to speak. "As a business man, I believe any advertisement is good advertisement. However, allow me to ensure each of you that all chickens served from my establishment are not mistreated. Also, if you're visiting the Business section of Detroit, please stop by my establishment for non-mistreated chicken products and other fine assortments". Tommy placed his hand upon Henri's shoulder before chuckling as he shook his head and wandering off. |
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| Reply by: TommyAngelo at Sep 24, '15 14:37 | |
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I'm not trying to get anyone pregnant; it's all for the money shot. |
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| Reply by: SpikeS at Sep 24, '15 17:46 | |
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She pours herself a cup of tea from a thermos she keeps handy in her amazing bottomless handbag and smiles. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a cuppa in the afternoon. It's relaxing. Have lunch, cup of tea... Magic happens and suddenly there's a shortage of stress and everything seems so much more colourful. Eye opening experience. You should try it sometime HenriDucard. I know! I'll through a private little tea party for you, HenriDucard, as well as WiggleButt and Kimble. We'll have tea, cookies, and bacon while watching CountryBoy dance a jig for a mug of beer. Just have to remember to keep a first aid kit handy. SpikeS you aren't invited though. He's too obsessed with turkey basters, chickens, and his own tongue. Until that shit's taken care of I don't want him in my home again. It was too much last time. He stood on a chair cockadoodadooling trying to get my chicken, Bird, to have sex with him. She goes back to sipping her tea and plotting against SpikeS. Oh and no more sporks for SpikeS, he's been cut off for months. Not even on special occasions. No sporking the Spike! |
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| Reply by: Iris at Sep 24, '15 23:14 | |
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Am so sad. Between my loss of Bird and the sporking, all I have left is Kimble the Turkey, and while he is basted daily, he no longer faps when I do it -- I mean flaps. |
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| Reply by: SpikeS at Sep 24, '15 23:16 | |
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"Chickens, Turkeys, Tea and basters galore. Regardless of my emphasis, if your the type that can't read deep enough into it then I could imagine this sounds like a good orgy made in heaven. In all seriousness however, im thrilled that those who have taken the time to step up and speak after my announcements get it. You all understand the Wiggle, and the intentions behind the big romp toting gentlemen." Turns his glare to SpikeS "What in the world have you done to be banned from the home of iris ? I've done the naked shuffle in her living room and I'm still given fresh tea each visit." |
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| Reply by: WiggleButt at Sep 25, '15 12:50 | |
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*Yggdrasil was taking his morning strolls and noticed the man who was talking loudly across the street. He stopped and tried to listen to the man cautiously to avoid as exposure to the crowd as much as possible. He then reached to his left pocket and took a leaf of tea and ate it. Reached his right pocket, took a cigar and lit it with his polished silver lighter*
Yggdrasil: "It's a crazy world after all.."
*He swallowed and puffed at his cigar then slowly walked away from the crowd. He noticed a man watching over from a roof not quite far from the venue. Yggdrasil tips his hat and continued walking with a smirk at his wrinkled face* |
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| Reply by: Yggdrasil at Sep 25, '15 14:54 | |
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She can't help but miggle around me, nonstop, WiggleButt. That must be the reason. |
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| Reply by: SpikeS at Sep 25, '15 18:10 | |
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| Throw some dirt in the air and wiggle your butt like you just don't care. Yeah I'll take the bait like a hungry assed bat swooping on a defenseless mouse | |
| Reply by: TheBatMan at Sep 27, '15 07:35 | |
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