I sat in a high-rise tower 600 yards away from the target building. The rain has been falling for a couple of hrs now, almost washing away the dirt that has stained this city over the past few years. Drug dealers seem to have a dislike of the water; they seem to of sold to the bums who survive on heroin before this monsoon of a downpour began. The sounds of sirens which have become so common to this city have succumb to the silence that surrounds me. Something was about to happen.

I have been asked to make sure a woman never crosses my bosses' path again; I was honoured to have been given the opportunity to prove myself and get on his good side. I collected my .32 calibre rifle and picked the desired spot to wait. I was rather excited; my years of hard work were going to be worth it. That's when it hit me; I have never killed anyone in my life, have I got it in me? Could I do it? Can I live with myself knowing that I've killed someone's daughter?

These thoughts of doubt rushed out of my head when I saw the doors of the saloon open. The first person came out was a tall man, dressed in a navy suit. I almost pull the trigger, I would have had no problem seeing the bullet drive through his skull and ending his existence. I steady myself, "easy now, wait for the target, wait for her". She steps out, her long ginger hair waved in the wind, she was wearing a bright red feather coat, she must have liked the finer things in life.

For a second I didn't realise that I had pulled the trigger. The sound of the bullet flying through the air had broken the silence. She dropped to the ground instantly. Blood was pouring onto the street as the body guard was looking around aimlessly. He ran to a car and was waving into the saloon. Another bodyguard ran out and stood in front of the saloon door. Then a large pain entered my stomach, a pain that I have never felt before, it was almost like having a knife stuck into myself and twisted. A girl ran over to the decapitated corpse and the scream that came from her mouth echoed for miles around.

The target was a mother.

The girl was thrown into the car and it drove off into the distance, at that point the bodyguard that was at the door runs in and shuts the door behind him. The job was done but I couldn't get rid of that pain. I got myself ready and walked out of the high-rise where a car was waiting for me. a man stepped out of the car and opened the door for me. I sit in and he gets in behind me and shuts the door. "You did well" he says to me as he pats me on the shoulder. We drive off and passes a ambulance on the street. Starting to work out what has happened. The rain has been falling for a couple of hrs now, almost washing away the blood that has stained the pavement.

could people please advise me on how to improve it???

Just maybe a few typos and mistakes that I saw, but that's pretty normal for anyone. Mainly the 'hrs' and the dialog areas.

All and all, a pretty good story. Good work.

hey  druglrd that wqs a good detail story. i loved it.  very good i did not see nothing wrong with it at all. just feel bad for the lil girl in hte story to see her mom shot was sad. but it was a great story i think. way to go dude i hope u do a nother one.

thanks McKnighter, try to get rid of some habits for my next speech (not for a while). And thank you ClownPrince for your compliments.

Great story, as for advice, just throw in a few more adjectives and adverbs, you might want to use something like innocent, or seemingly to stress something your assuming. The ideas were really good though and kept the entire story interesting.

I also liked this, well done druglrd i look foreward to reading more from you in the future