I'm not usually a violent man, but I know myself.  And if I'm on the streets, and it starts to go down, I don't back off, until it's finished.  What do you think, junior?  You think these hands have been soaking in ivory liquid? Eh?

But as I say, I'm typically not a violent man.  But I had a very disturbing experience that changed all that.  And that was my first trip to prison.  Don't get me wrong, I've done illegal things before.  I once impersonated an officer to take back a statue from some con-artist's house.  He stole it from the house of my friend, Jerry, when he was supposed to be cleaning it.  And once I got us all caught up in a mail fraud scandal, but those are stories for another time.

I guess I should start at the beginning.

I'm originally from New York, you see.  Lived there all my life.  But I've always aspired for something bigger.  I've always had big dreams.  So, one day, my friend Jerry and I had a disagreement, so I decided to skip town.  I followed my dreams into the distant city of LA.  La-la Land.  Needless to say, things didn't exactly work out as I had planned, but at first they were going okay.  I had a nice apartment, I had met a few celebrities, I had even met a nice girl at an audition.  That is, she was nice.  Until she was murdered.  It may sound very sad, but I really wasn't looking for a long-term relationship anyway.

But, apparently, she had a copy of my latest script on her person at the time.  This made me the primary suspect.  Later that day, a convoy of cops came by my house to arrest me, accusing me of being the feared "Smog Strangler."  I've never been so frightened.

At first, prison didn't get to me.  My friends came to visit, and all I could talk about were my experiences in LA.  I mean, what did I have to worry about, right?  I knew I was innocent.  But, soon enough, prison life started to get to me.  It was there that I learned to stealthily slide a wallet out of a man's pocket.  It was there that I learned to snatch a purse out of the brittle hands of helpless old ladies, to rob a post office without causing a ruckus so as not to draw the suspicion of the federal employees, and even, I'm rather ashamed to say it, to exploit young women by running prostitution rings around town.

The officers, desperate to squeeze a confession out of me, screamed in my face for literally minutes at a time.  They told me that I was a weed.  But not an ordinary weed--the kind of weed that tries to choke the life out of all the pretty flowers in society.  They said it so many times that I broke down.  I began to believe that this was my true identity.

Soon after, I was released.  Another murder was committed in the same style as that of the mass murderer while I was in custody, so my innocence was proven.  

But by the time I returned to the East coast I knew that I could never go back to the way that I was.  I was a changed man for life.  So I moved to Philly and convinced my toughest friend, Bob Sacamano, to come and help by giving me protection.  Bob is so stealthy that you probably won't even see him.  But you'll know it was him when it begins to feel a bit breezy around your brain area.

And the rest, as they say, is history.  I am now fully committed to my family and to this lifestyle of crime.  A generally gentle and decent man has been turned into a criminal by the ills of society, and, for that, I will never forgive the police force of the jail system.  For that reason, I will help any new gangster learn the ropes of crime, so, as long as you're a criminal, you need not fear me.  Feel free to ask me any questions that you may have.

Philly?  I thought you went to prison under the Good Samaritan laws.  Well, either way Kramer, I'm glad to have you in the family.  You come in everyday and put in 100% and it hasn't gone unnoticed.  You can put your days of burning down cabins and crippling people with oil-filled balloons behind you, you're in the big leagues now.

You're right Vito, he hasn't gone unnoticed even in other families. Heard him make a few comments, all of them intelligent and even though, like him, I ain't got my badge I can see its obvious he's going on to good things

Stands up and puts his hands together

Bravo Kramer! Your speeches are always inspiring and I very much enjoy listening to them. I am not very good at commenting, I must confess, but you sure as hell deserve some words.. It is nice to hear the background story of the first man to approach me in this world and offer his words of wisdom and guidance through the ways of life here.. I can relate to much of what has been said here and share that same hatred towards the police force that has compelled most of us to live by these rules instead of the law.. Again Kramer, bravo!

Indeed Cosmo_Kramer is good man. He have knowledge of many thing. He is also man dat help Adebisi with English skills.

Iffa new mobsta seek help, you would be wise to look to Cosmo. He teach you many thing about these streets and life of crime.

Ahh, yes.  Monstrous Adebisi.  Wouldn't hurt a fly.  Unless, of course, that fly was fying in the space between him and his cash.  You've learned well, my friend.  Your reputation for ruthlessness certainly precedes you. 

And your English has really come along.  Well done.